To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

What do you think, dig??

Oh come on, of course she didn't think she was being helpful!
8 year olds know they're not allowed to draw on anything but paper.

A typical 8 year old can definitely be trusted to watch a 1 year old sibling for 10 minutes while the parent is in the garden/shower.

Oh, I missed that. It's the 8 YO who DREW on the toddler? Seriously?

That's not on at all! a 16 months old is not a "baby" but an 8 yo is not a baby either, she should know better. You really need to teach her about consequences, how can you not blame her?

So basically you have dismissed all the people saying that your DD shouldn't have drawn all over their sibling and continue to just be mad at your DH. Why bother even asking for other points of view if you just see your own and are not listening to those saying your DD shouldn't have done that? 🙄Have you spoken to your DD about what she did or is she just going to be allowed to get away with it? Honestly an 8 year old doing that is wrong and they should know better.

As for your DH saying about you leaving them while you are in the shower, I assume you do that then or why would he have used that as an example?

If you do, then its obvious that you see its okay for you to leave them together while you shower but not for him to leave them while he is literally just outside mowing the lawn. Surely its the same thing? You are still not with them supervising them are you? And are you sure you would be able to hear an issue if you were in the shower with the water blasting washing your hair? Couldn't the baby have climbed onto something while you are in the shower? Got hold of a pen? So I agree with your DH here. If that is the case you are being hypocritical.

My 8 year old cooks porridge in the microwave for his little sister. I can't imagine him drawing with a biro on a toddler!! He was left in another room with our friend's toddler a couple of months back at a family party and he just read her a story and played peekaboo with her and she laughed so hard she did a poo.

You seem determined to figuratively die on ‘your hill’ so I’m not sure why you bothered asking for opinions - all of the ones pointing out that actually your DDs behaviour is weird just don’t seem acceptable to you.

Your baby, and 8 year old had a lucky escape

From what? The dangers of family life in a british suburban home?

clutches pearls

Your 8-year-old sounds odd. What kind of 8-year-old draws on a baby thinking they are "helping"?! Wtf?! She's 8, not 2! Your anger is misplaced. Address your 8-year1old's behaviour. It's not normal!

Pp saying an 8 ye old should be able to look after a baby for a few minutes - it was more than a few minutes though, the DH was also using a lawn mower which presumably would drown out any calls or shouts for his attention.

Op I agree with you, yanbu, DH should have waited 15 mins for you to return and actually spent time parenting.

@Erisheck obviously you are angry, but you must be able to see that the majority of people on this thread think your DH did nothing wrong. So your anger is because your DH didn’t live up to what you see as good parenting, rather than that he fell below a generally accepted standard of good parenting and was objectively negligent.

Fine for parents to disagree on this stuff, but it’s clear his decision was within the bounds of “normal.”

Going for a shower and leaving the 8yr old in charge for that isn’t great either.

I just don’t think an 8yo should ever be left in sole charge of a toddler, even for 10 mins. That’s my hill on this one.

So why bother asking?

And why are you not fuming at your daughter? It's bloody obvious to everyone else that eight year olds do not draw everywhere, particularly on their siblings! Thought she was being helpful, my arse!

I think if your DD hadn't done the scribbling thing then you would be none the wiser and DH would have been off the hook.
Did he not know that your DD was incapable of just watching their baby sibling like most children this age are ? That's the main question, he should have been aware that she wasn't mature enough.

I think that you should have higher expectations of your dd tbh. 9 year olds here walk to school without a parent and play out (I know that your dd is 8 but she’s turning 9 this school year) Kids do silly things like this but they know that you use pens on paper and not on other people.
Playing with the baby is a helpful thing to do and I disagree that going to shower is any better than mowing the lawn (how would you possible hear them drawing on each other?)

I think your argument that leaving them whilst you shower isn't really valid as the baby could fall during this time. You said you can hear them whilst you're in the shower but toddler could still fall or find an object to injure herself with or choke on that your 8 year old has left lying around.

I agree with many others that your 8 year old did wrong and not your DH though I would have expected him to check in on them a couple of times.

I'd be more worried about the 8 year old rather than the baby or DH...

Ok I hear what people are saying but I still don’t think it’s the same as me having a shower. When I do that the kids are both upstairs with me, I leave the bathroom door open, and I’m in and out quickly. I don’t disappear outside with a machine so loud I couldn’t possibly hear a thing. That’s the difference for me.

And yes of course DD will be spoken to about the pen. I’m not saying she shouldn’t have known better, I just meant I don’t think she should be the main one held responsible when her dad decided she was old enough to be left in charge in the first place. She is 8, not an adult.

I think DH should have waited until I got back. It wasn’t urgent to mow the lawn right at that moment. That’s what frustrates me most. He just doesn’t think these things through and then I’m left being “the nag” for pointing it out.

Maybe I am OTT but honestly, biro aside, it could have been much worse. I can’t just shrug it off.

She’s 8. She knows damn fine well and rightly not to draw all over a toddler.

So do you wait for him to be home before you have a shower?

again, if your house is that unsafe your toddler can't be safely in a room, you have a problem, and it's not your DH.

When I do that the kids are both upstairs with me,
WHY do you need to have an 8yo with you when you are having a shower?

the whole thing makes no sense at all. If you can't trust your 8yo at all, stop blaming your husband and address the issues that are there, because it's not normal behaviour.

But if they swallowed a pen lid while you were in the shower you wouldn’t necessarily hear that? Your 8 year old might not even notice if they were distracted. So I don’t really see how it’s different and agree with your husband on that. . I wouldn’t have left my son at 8 with a baby but I’d probably have trusted my daughter. Baby would’ve been in a high chair, play pen or similar though.

Thanks all for replies. Just to be clear I am not blaming DD at all.

And herein lies the problem imo.

You have very low expectations of your 8 year old child.

I'd be annoyed at DH too; he has literally palmed off a very short window of childcare.

It wasn’t urgent to mow the lawn right at that moment.

So why did he do it? That is what you need to get to the bottom of.
He finds the children boring, and won't tolerate being bored, so he would rather go off and do something that he wants to do?

How often do you leave him to look after both children? Perhaps he needs more practice and to step up a bit.

Your 8 year old should absolutely know better.

My 7 year old niece knows we don't play with pens near the younger children (1-4) because of pen lids. She knows we don't run around screaming, or anything like that. She knows that we don't encourage them to play by the stairs/sofa etc.

Your husband isn't the one in the wrong here, your 8 year old should know better by now

Couldn’t agree more!!