To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

But having both kids upstairs with you and going into the shower is still leaving them alone, even if its just for a few minutes isn't it?

In that time anything could happen, as you described when your DH left them alone. 16 month old putting something in their mouth, climbing on something etc? So I still don't get why its okay for YOU to leave them alone for a few minutes but not him. The risk is still the same.

And to be honest if that is the behaviour of your 8 year old when she is left with her younger sibling then neither of you can really trust leaving her with them can you?

Yanbu and it doesn't take a few minutes to mow a lawn does it. Our garden is small and would still take more than a few mins. It's not like he popped to the kitchen to make a sandwich, that's a few minutes.

YABU

If you can nip upstairs and have a shower, it's really no different to him nipping outside in the garden.

All the things you have said you were worried about could happen could happen while you were in the shower as well ... and in either case, the 8 year old could fetch either of you from the shower/garden.

If this isn't okay with you then you both just sit down and agree on your parenting - no leaving the kids together without an adult supervising (this includes showers and mowing a lawn). Unless your garden is absolutely massive, he wouldn't have been that far away and he could be checking in regularly - you don't know as you weren't there either.

I am still bewildered that an' EIGHT' year old can't be trusted not to draw all over a toddler. If this was at all something that had ever happened I'd hope you had corrected that behaviour.

I would leave my kids downstairs when they were 1 and 5 while I hung out the laundry or had a quick shower or similar. My daughter never drew on him!

You are over reacting. He was in the garden, he hadn’t gone out and left them alone.

Sorry I haven't read everyone's responses, but I don't understand why the children didn't go in the garden with your husband anyway. Why could they not play to one side/on the patio while he mowed? Then there would have been no problem. 🤷‍♀️

You wouldn’t hear her drawing on her sister from the shower so the same could easily have happened on your watch!

I still don’t get why the 8 year old isn’t in trouble though.

My 4 year old knows you don't draw on the baby, or anything but paper.

I get that people think it’s the same as a shower but honestly I still don’t. When I shower I am literally a few steps away and can pop out dripping wet if I need to. DH was in the garden with ear defenders on, completely shut off. That feels very different to me.

And yes, I will absolutely be having words with DD about the biro. She does know better, I’m not saying she doesn’t. But she also loves playing “teacher” and I can see how in her head she thought it was a funny game. I just don’t think that makes it her fault that DH told her she was in charge.

I do agree with pp who said mowing the lawn wasn’t urgent. Exactly. Why couldn’t he just wait 10 minutes until I was back? That’s what winds me up. It’s like he just didn’t want to be “bored” watching the baby so found himself a job instead.

I’m not saying I’m perfect either, but I honestly would never have made that choice. That’s why I’m so cross.

That is not normal behaviour from your 8 year old. And that you’re so sure she can’t be left alone with her sibling is indicative that you know there’s a problem. That would worry me more than your husband tbh.

Because at 8 years old, your DD should be able to be trusted while this sort of thing happens.

You are so in the wrong it’s ridiculous. Your DH is fine, your eight year old is downright badly behaved.

I never agreed that her dh was right, I actually agree but I do think you leaving them to shower is the same thing. You would have NO IDEA of either of them were choking when you are in the shower. Negligent on your part too, you both need to parent better imo.

She does know better, I’m not saying she doesn’t. But she also loves playing “teacher” and I can see how in her head she thought it was a funny game. I just don’t think that makes it her fault that DH told her she was in charge.

There you go again 🙄

Of course she thinks it's a funny game because unlike most 8 year olds, she knows she can do whatever she wants and mum will 'understand'.

You're doing her absolutely no favours whatsoever.

I would be furious at DH for leaving an 8yo and a 16 month old baby like you

Gosh yes! At 8 I was expected to look after my younger cousins-around your baby's age & younger. But I would not have drawn on baby or allowed baby to draw on themself I was far too responsible - not to mention far too scared of my parent's reaction 😱

An 8 year old should be more than capable of supervising a 16 month old for 10/15 minutes whilst a parent is 10ft away. They’re not expected to feed/change the baby, just ensure they’re not touching anything they shouldn’t be.

Yes your 8 year old was a bit silly to draw on their sibling but it’s a bit of pen. Teach them that it’s not very nice and move on. I hope you haven’t harshly punished or shouted at your child.

No one did anything wrong. I’d be more concerned about your reaction, this is not something to be “furious” or “fuming” over unless you have anger issues.

She's 8. If anything happened to the baby she'd run and get her father. Of course an 8 year old should be able to keep an eye on their toddler sibling while their father is on the premises. He was only in the garden, he hadn't left.

My eldest and youngest have a similar age gap and he was perfectly capable of keeping an eye while one of the parents was also at home.

So an 8 year old is irresponsible for getting pen all over a toddler. However When a fully fledged green man leaves an 8 year with a baby that’s perfectly fine and dandy! That’s mumsnet for you.
“If the old should have known better chestnut applies to one then it’s applies to both.)

Absolutely! An eight year old knows better than to draw on a baby to "help" .... and op bot eben leaving them by themselves for ten minutes alone at home. Wtf ....

Yeah as much as i think some ott responses on your elder daughter, if you’re saying she drew with a pen all over her siblings face and even her sleep suit, I’d find that concerning and don’t see how it is playing teacher, teachers don’t draw on your face and clothes. And I’d think 8 is old enough to know that, so I’d find that concerning that she didn’t know what was appropriate, and that your husband doesn’t know she doesn’t know what’s appropriate, and you seem to think it is as she’s a child. As in it’s excusable,

I don’t see any issue with an eight year old caring for the child when dad is just outside cutting the grass, I do see an issue with your elder child drawing all over her siblings face.

she's 8, not 4

I can see how in her head she thought it was a funny game

Not at 8, no. What's your age limit to think this behaviour is not acceptable? 15?
8 is far too old for that.

Again, why do you need to be steps away from your 8yo in the shower?

Are you treating her like the baby of the family?

None of your what ifs came to fruition. There is being cautious and then there is being neurotic.
Don't pass your anxiety onto your children.

Have a word with the 8 year old, she's old enough to know better and is also old enough to alert her dad if something is amiss 🤷🏻‍♀️

My DS was fit to keep an eye on his little sister from she was a newborn and he was 6/7 - I happily got a shower in my en-suite with them in my bedroom.

I’d have never left them with the dog, absolutely not - but DS was 8 and DD was 1, I’d have had no problem leaving them in a separate room for 10 minutes.

It’s more hassle leaving them now at 4 and nearly 11, with the amount of fighting they do.

DS wouldn’t have entertained drawing on his sister. I would have been raging with this. That’s shocking.

Perhaps I'm clouded by my tiny garden, but being upstairs in a shower is much worse than being in the garden. Your vehemence & anger at your DH is extreme.

P.S. I think it's find to leave an 8yr old keeping an eye on a young child while there are other adults in the house / garden.