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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

466 replies

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 13:35

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

OP posts:
Petitchat · 31/08/2025 13:35

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 31/08/2025 07:29

He didn't "leave" them, he was in the garden. I'd happily leave my 7 or my 9 yr old to play near/with a 16 mth old whilst I did some chores and id expect them to keep them safe and happy with no drama, theyd quite like the responsibility and theyd take it seriously - suspect the baby would be very over attended too tbh. I suspect either your 8 yr old isn't v responsible or wasn't given good enough instructions because it's obviously not worked. Kids are different though, my friends 9 yr old can't and isn't left with her baby because he's feral and she'd be worried about the safety of her baby. So I guess only you and dh know the situation here and I'd be looking at what's going on with an 8 yr old that is in this position where they can't be responsible for 15 mins. That's not typical of that age. Dh would know their personality though so I can see why you're annoyed, it's just that most people here will know average 8 yr olds would be fine .

@Ireallywantadoughnut36
I'd be looking at what's going on with an 8 yr old that is in this position where they can't be responsible for 15 mins.

I'd be looking more at the DH who not only was incapable of being responsible for 15 minutes, but deliberately deafened himself for those 15 minutes.

NoThanksNeeded · 31/08/2025 18:53

An 8 year old shouldn't think it's ok to draw on a toddler

That's a fact and the child absolutely should be blamed for that unless there are any ND which is why that question has been asked

Lauzg90 · 31/08/2025 22:37

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 13:35

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I would 100% leave 5 year old with the 2 year old (occasionally) to go and put washing away or go put the bins out etc.
Having said that my 5 year old would never draw on her sister. She also likes to teach her so I could imagine the living room being coated in flash cards and numberblocks but that’s about it. She would also get my attention if the 2 year old was doing something wrong.
My 5 year old has always been somewhat mature in a way I can’t see my 2 year old achieving to a much later date, So I guess it could depend on the child. If your 8 year old got carried away enough to draw on the baby then I’m guessing part of your upset is that you knew (and would expect DH to know) that DD8 is not mature enough to be left with the baby for 10 minutes so It was not appropriate in your family.

Petitchat · 31/08/2025 23:07

So people think the social worker opinion and advice is wrong yet no one has answered her directly.
Wonder why that is?

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 01/09/2025 08:14

Petitchat · 31/08/2025 23:07

So people think the social worker opinion and advice is wrong yet no one has answered her directly.
Wonder why that is?

Nobody has to explain themselves to you 🙄

Wynter25 · 01/09/2025 08:18

People are overreacting about the 8yr old drawing on the toddler. 😂

Fair enough if your DH was doing something less noisy in the garden but if anything had gone wrong he wouldn't have heard. So yanbu x

Petitchat · 01/09/2025 09:29

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 01/09/2025 08:14

Nobody has to explain themselves to you 🙄

Show quote history

Guess I just don't like to hear about neglect and a child being blamed.
I was pleased when a social worker confirmed it, that's all.

But yep, you're quite right. I'll bow out now.
Good luck OP

RoxysWalkInCloset · 08/09/2025 19:07

The bigger issue is you have an 8yr old that can't be trusted NOT to write on people. If you remove the pen job, the baby was otherwise fine. So in the future, tell husband to put the baby in a playpen and re-iterate to the naughty 8yr old not to do anything they wouldn't do in FRONT of you.

Your anger is misplaced. He didn't ask the 2yr old to watch the 1yr old.

Your older kid is the problem here due to helicopter parenting....from you.

OneKhakiFish · 31/10/2025 10:40

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 15:09

I don’t think DD’s behaviour was “normal” either, I’ll give you that. She does know not to draw on people, she’s not daft. I think she got carried away in her little “game” and yes, that will be dealt with. I’m not excusing it, but she is still a child and makes silly decisions at times.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility. He’s her dad, he knows she’s not a mini adult. Why risk it? Why not just wait until I was back? That’s what I don’t understand. It was literally 10 minutes until I got home with the shopping. Instead he chose that exact moment to start mowing the lawn. Baby was in the living room crawling about, pens left on the coffee table from earlier. Honestly it could have been so much worse.

And to those saying I’m “neurotic” or “furious over nothing” it’s not nothing to me. Maybe it’s my anxiety talking but I don’t think it’s over the top to want my baby properly supervised. A 16 month old can get into all sorts of danger in seconds. What if she had got hold of something small and choked. DH would not have heard a thing because of the mower and the ear defenders he had on.

I do take on board the point that if I’m not happy with either of us leaving DD in charge, then I need to be consistent with things like showers as well. Fair enough. But honestly, I’d rather just agree that neither of us does it again. Then at least I know baby is safe.

Still think mowing the lawn could have waited. That’s the part that feels so needless. It makes me feel like he just didn’t want to actually sit with them and found a reason to busy himself elsewhere. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him to use common sense. And that’s why I’m so cross.

I agree with all of this, thankfully children are ok

Lizzy53 · 20/03/2026 12:50

YANBU I would be fuming with husband not staying with children.why not leave lawn til you came back? He could not hear if there was an accident with noise of mower!!. and fuming with behaviour of the child drawing on a baby. Very sad for baby

Arlanymor · 20/03/2026 12:52

Lizzy53 · 20/03/2026 12:50

YANBU I would be fuming with husband not staying with children.why not leave lawn til you came back? He could not hear if there was an accident with noise of mower!!. and fuming with behaviour of the child drawing on a baby. Very sad for baby

I imagine she's over this now, given that it happened in 2025 and you've randomly resurrected the thread nearly eight months later...

CeciliaMars · 20/03/2026 15:07

I think the 8 year old was unreasonable but it was your husband’s fault. 16 months is the age where you have to watch them ALL THE TIME. That’s not fair on an 8 year old.

WalkDontWalk · 20/03/2026 15:11

Most eight year olds, yes. But not yours, apparently.

Boomer55 · 20/03/2026 15:40

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 13:35

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

DH was out mowing the lawn, and available. Your DD is the problem here, if there is one. But no baby ever suffered through being drawn on. 🤷‍♀️

ForeverTheOptomist · 22/03/2026 23:13

Your husband is a total twat and I would be cross too. The problem with men (this maybe seen as a generalisation) is that they don't have the capacity to forsee potential danger in the same way that mothers do. I could write a book about some of the outrageous things that my ex did. for instance, he was 'playing with my 18 month old son - 'please don't do that, you're going to dislocate his shoulder'. 'Stop doing that, I've told you.' Will you just stop that, you're going to ......' too late.

ForeverTheOptomist · 22/03/2026 23:15

Oh yes! I just noticed this. Strange that it came up in my top 10.

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