To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

[Erisheck]

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

Lots of household noises could drown out shouting, though - washing machines, boiling kettles, flushing toilets, vacuum cleaners...

An 8yo is more than capable of getting up and running to get their dad if there's a problem, it's not like he was across the street or off the property - he was only in the garden!

If there was “no other way”, how come they were able to come and find you if necessary? You were either available or you weren’t?

DD8 is unreasonable. My DS is 6 and I can (and do) leave him to keep an eye on DD2 whilst I shower. It would not enter his head to think it’s acceptable to draw on her. He knows to alert me if there is an issue.

What??

Your EIGHT year old did this to a baby but it's your DH you're annoyed with?

Cop yourself on.

Unless there's a massive drip-feed coming about your 8 year old having SN, there's nothing wrong with asking her to watch her younger sibling.

Your DH should have been watching the baby and the older child. Mowing the lawn should have waited until you got back. Your 8 year old obviously can’t be trusted to be sensible and definitely shouldn’t be left alone watching the baby.

Absolutely not. An 8yr old isn’t aware of the same potential dangers as an adult.

This wouldn't bother me, the child being drawn on would. At that age they definitely know better

The 8 yr old wouldn’t have drawn on the baby if they were being supervised as any decent parent would do.

Your DH is a typical fucking male idiot!

My DH was useless at looking after our DS until he was about 10 and by then, he was very sensible.
DS almost drowned after running off along a river bank when DH was left to supervise him in a playground whilst we were on holiday when DS was about 3. DH was happily reading his book on the bench totally unaware that DS had escaped from the playground.

Are you always this precious? An 8 year old should know better and is old enough to watch their toddler sibling for 10-15 minutes.

I’m with you OP. An 8yo should not be asked to watch a toddler. If he absolutely must do something that means he can’t keep eyes on the toddler he should make sure the toddler is somewhere childproofed and within his hearing.

there are always “funny” videos and stories of young children getting into mischief like drawing on things or spilling out things. People blame the children, when they should be blaming the inadequate parental supervision and childproofing.

Thanks all for replies. Just to be clear I am not blaming DD at all. She is 8 and did what she thought was “helping.” I’m angry at DH for putting her in that position.

He keeps saying it’s no different to me nipping upstairs for a shower. IT IS. If I shower I can still hear what’s going on and I’m not outside with a noisy mower!!

I feel like he just doesn’t get how serious it could have been. Baby could have put the pen in her mouth. Could have climbed on something. Anything!

I’m honestly still SO CROSS. Am I over the top or is he just being completely irresponsible??

I think an 8 year old should be able to watch a baby for ten mins whilst an adult is nearby.
However, iI think your H was BU as the lawn mower meant he could not hear if anything kicked off. So being as he was effectively deaf to the kids, he should not have done it.

I think pp are over reacting to the biro thing. Yeah, your dd should not have done it, but she was only playing and I do think it’s quite funny. She probably did too. Have a word with her, but don’t go OTT

’Furious’ is an over reaction from you, and I am guessing that your H has form for being crap and inept and never recog using it if you are so angry. If so, sympathies.

An 8 year old thought that drawing on a toddler was “helping”? Really?

I took scribbles to be the baby playing with the pens and getting marks on themselves. Happy to be corrected!

Going against the grain but I wouldn't have let mine supervise a 16month old at 8yrs but then again I know mine and they'd get bored and have wandered off to play!

Is your 8 yr old developmentally delayed in any way? I can't imagine any 8 yr old I've ever met thinking that drawing on a baby with biro was "helping".

That aside, your DH was in the wrong because he couldn't hear them. It wouldn't be such a problem if he was putting the washing out or loading the dishwasher but mowing the lawn meant he was outside and unable to see or hear them and that's not ok.

If a baby choked on a pen lid, you would most certainly not have heard it if you had been in the shower. I think you are being over the top, myself.

If you need to pop into another room, you could probably hear what a 16 month old is up to. The dad was outside with the lawn mower on, it takes a lot longer than 2 minutes to get the mower out and mow the lawn. The noise of it would drown out any shouts for help from the 8yo. Bearing in mind, you don’t know how big the garden may be, it could likely be a lot further than one room away

It sounds like mum wasn’t going to be gone for long so why not just wait until she returns?

Different children have different levels of maturity, however from the sound of what happened, the Dad should have been aware that his 8yo was not ready to keep an eye on their sibling alone

You can hear a child play with pens while you are in the shower? Doubt that very much.

Yes you are being over the top. It’s perfectly normal in large families for the older ones to keep an eye on the younger ones. Your DH was a few meters away. The 8 year old knows better than to behave like that … but no long term harm done.

You can’t cotton wool your kids based on a scenario that most probably won’t happen.

I’m the youngest of 6, we have great stories of the stuff that happened when the older ones were left in charge.

He keeps saying it’s no different to me nipping upstairs for a shower. IT IS. If I shower I can still hear what’s going on and I’m not outside with a noisy mower!!

so you can hear an 8 year old drawing on the baby while having a shower? I doubt it…nor would you hear choking tbh.

I think your over the top being this cross with your DH and under playing your 8 yo doing what she did.

At the end of the day - it’s fine, everyone’s fine.

Thanks all for replies. Just to be clear I am not blaming DD at all. She is 8 and did what she thought was “helping.” I’m angry at DH for putting her in that position.

Umm, I would absolutely be blaming your DD. She is 8 years old and more than old enough to know better than to behave like that.

Your 8 year old is the problem here but you don’t see it

only a vacuum cleaner is loud enough for that. A WM would be only if you were right next to it.

Children can freeze if they panic, freeze and scream, so you should not assume they will run for help. I have seen grown adults freeze still in an emergency situation, instead of running for life saving help. So you certainly shouldn’t assume a child will be capable of this.

I am somewhere in the middle here, because I wouldn't mow the garden if I was the only adult at home with 2 children of these ages, I'd pick an indoor job and wait the 15mins for you to come home then mow the lawn. Or perhaps take the kids out in the garden with me. I wouldn't leave an 8 year old in charge of a toddler for any length of time. That said, I'd be fuming with the 8 year old. I have always said kids shouldn't get in trouble for things that would not have happened had they been adequately supervised by an adult, but even my 3 year old knows better than to draw all over his baby sibling with a biro.