Am I being a spoilt brat here?

[alittlebitlessofme]

Family member discovered recently that I am having private treatment for a condition I have which isn’t covered by the NHS. The cost of which has become increasingly difficult as I’m already on a low income.

Said family member has recently come into some money. They offered to pay some money towards my treatment. I accepted. Then few days later said individual sends message to say they have sent equal amount of money to other family members to have fun with. Other family members all have significantly higher household income.

Am I being a complete brat feeling a bit sad about this? My money was specifically for something which is rather unpleasant however necessary. Not for fun. Meanwhile family members who don’t have to deal with anything like the same challenges are rewarded with money they don’t need.

The issue I’m dealing with already makes me
incredibly self conscious and has singled me out from childhood as being different. At the moment I still feel like the child who was punished for being like this

This is what I meant although obviously I explained it badly as I have been flamed for it.

I disagree. Look at what you said and what you said it in response to.

I don’t begrudge them the money. But I do begrudge being made to feel like I don’t deserve anything nice. Which is again a pattern that has been going on decades.

Has anyone said you don't deserve anything nice?
There's obviously a lot of difficult history for you to have that response, and I'm sorry for that and hope that this next treatment goes well.

If it was an accident, did you ever make a personal injury claim?

to be clear OP, was the donor at all responsible for your accident?

I hate to be that person, but have you considered counselling to explore why you carry such resentment and have for so long but keep in contact with people you feel caused your disabilities?

Yes because we can all afford counselling! 🙄

So relative gave you the price increase so you could have your chosen treatment in a timely manner.

She gave you a gift of a treatment you've elected to have to maintain your health. That's big.

If all your other family members that were gifted money by relative were even partially at fault for your accident that has directly caused your lifelong disability, why didn't you sue them?

You can get counselling for free through the NHS. My GP practice has a counsellor on site with whom you can have 6 sessions. Also if you work, often employers will have access to counselling services as a benefit for employees. The ones we get are online via teams.

I really didn’t mean to offend you. I’m sorry.

Directly no. Indirectly- lots of people made poor choices in the build up to it which contributed. Any one of which if done differently would have prevented it or greatly lessened the chances of it happening.

And no I would not be eligible for compensation or a payout. Again due to choices other people made on my behalf at the time.

I agreed that if I had a disabled child who needed my help then I would probably help them more than the non disabled child if they needed it. What do you think I said?

Six sessions wouldn’t even touch the sides. Sorry to sound negative but it wouldn’t. Yes I would almost certainly benefit from it. But I am struggling to keep a roof over my head right now. There really isn’t anything more I can cut to make it viable

Well if it’s that bad, have you made sure you are claiming all that you are entitled to?

if you were a child when these decisions were made that contributed to your accident, the time in which to make a claim doesn’t start until you’re 18 and if you weren’t aware of how they contributed to your accident the clock doesn’t start to tick until you did become aware.

Also. 6 sessions is surely better than nothing?

And the irony of it all is the individual who was the most directly responsible is not only one of the individuals who received money. But is also someone who pays vast amounts of money on their own counselling and ‘mental well-being’.
And I’m already very low contact with them. We maybe communicate directly once or twice every couple of years. Family ‘chat’ is really for another family member to keep all of updated on things without having to send multiple messages to people.

I’m not ‘bad’ enough to claim anything more than I am.

No because all it did was open up wounds and do nothing to begin to deal with them before the sessions were over. I was left in a worse position after the sessions than I was before.

If you’re using a mobility scooter you should be entitled to PIP. And depending on whether you work or not there may be other benefits and support you can access.

Why are you so angry that someone else is supporting their own mental health?

The group chat message makes it sound like they were just explaining why she's sending them money to she doesn't have 15 messaging "why did you send me this money?"

I get that you're struggling and that it feels horrible to not be able to do anything fun, but I think your anger is misplaced.

It may be an idea to go back to your GP as steroid injections, hydrotherapy (and obviously physiotherapy) are all available on the NHS.
I don't know where you are but I have chronic conditions and about once a year I have an appointment with my GP to discuss where I am and any treatments that may help make life slightly easier.

Well I’m not so I’m not sure what your point is really. Do you not think that I haven’t tried? 🤷🏻‍♀️
And I don’t know but if I was responsible or even if I felt responsible for causing someone else to suffer I would do all I could to help them. But I’m clearly in my own!

This person knew what they were doing and was warned about the risks and yet continued anyway. I am the one who has paid the price. They have somehow managed to springboard their career off the back of it and do nothing but be scathing and abusive towards me ever since.

That’s fine but why make it so explicitly clear that it was for them to ‘go out and enjoy yourselves on me’

Funnily enough I have tried that!

exactly this.

They immediately offered to fund the difference. that's kind, why dont' you leave it at that OP?

The money wasn’t a gift that was given to me and I have chosen to use it on my treatment - if I hadn’t needed it the money wouldn’t exist for any of us.
why do you say that? The relative seems to try to be helpful, why are you assuming they would never offer any help to anyone ever, unless they noticed you needed help with your treatment? It doesnt' make sense

40 years experience of said individual tells me this.