Am I being a spoilt brat here?

[alittlebitlessofme]

Family member discovered recently that I am having private treatment for a condition I have which isn’t covered by the NHS. The cost of which has become increasingly difficult as I’m already on a low income.

Said family member has recently come into some money. They offered to pay some money towards my treatment. I accepted. Then few days later said individual sends message to say they have sent equal amount of money to other family members to have fun with. Other family members all have significantly higher household income.

Am I being a complete brat feeling a bit sad about this? My money was specifically for something which is rather unpleasant however necessary. Not for fun. Meanwhile family members who don’t have to deal with anything like the same challenges are rewarded with money they don’t need.

The issue I’m dealing with already makes me
incredibly self conscious and has singled me out from childhood as being different. At the moment I still feel like the child who was punished for being like this

You did ask if you sound bratty and you do.
You were managing to find the money before the relative gave you some so you need to see it as a gift that you are able to choose how to spend.
For many people it’s very important to be equal in how they give out their money. My parents always give me the same as my sibling if they’ve asked for some help and vice versa.
unfortunately life isn’t fair and some people wil always have more money and different lifestyles.
but take this gift for what it is to you rather than comparing to others.

This post beautifully illustrates how comparison is the thief of joy.

@alittlebitlessofme

I have sympathy for you.

Seems like it's for weightloss support following cancer treatment and you've got quite a significant amount to lose.

It must feel like life is really unfair to face one battle after another when others appear to be cruising through life.

Please try to reframe it in your mind as the chance to have a reset on your life. Rushing off to spend money on holidays is a short term, artificial high, so whilst they'll enjoy it it's over in weeks and quickly forgotten when you get home. Losing the weight and overcoming cancer is absolutely game changing and will be the start of a new chapter for you.

Your relative meant well. There was no malicious intent. Just try to focus on that and how much better your life will be this time next year.

Good luck to you. You are not a brat just someone whose faced a lot to deal with and sounds like she needs a boost.

OP did you just throw a MN tantrum?

If I was your family member I’d take the money back. You have shown not one iota of gratitude for what you have been given, just bitched and moaned that others got money too.
You are correct - you ARE a spoiled brat

Agree, wonder if op is infamous in family for the bratty, martyrdom as displayed here.
'Infamy, infamy, they've all got it infamy...'

Yes OP, you are being very ungrateful.

They have given the same amount of money to the other relatives to keep things fair, it’s been poorly worded by them.
They should have either said nothing as you don’t need to know what they do with their money, or just say that they have given the same amount of money to others to keep things on a level field.
It only human to feel resentment when you are up against it and others aren’t and seem to be having all the luck/fun.
When you’re down to your last few £’s and trying to live and others are given a little extra they don’t need and are spending it on jolly things you’d have to be a saint not to grumble you yourself.
I think the person handing out the money it’s doing the right thing in handing over equal portions and that people can do whatever they want with it, I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, chronic illness/disability is such a struggle.
For those saying if it’s not funded by the NHS it can’t be necessary, the nhs is on its knees.
I have a relative with a chronic life altering illness, it’s affected the rest of their body and they had to retire super early (40’s) because of it. They have limited mobility in various joints, they cannot have their current worse joint replaced on the nhs as they still have 20% mobility in it… They can’t put on a jumper, wear a coat with sleeves or reach anything out of cupboard above their chin height but they aren’t ‘bad’ enough to need it replacing yet.
Im guessing OP that this isn’t going to be the last treatment you have to try and fund to keep yourself as mobile as possible, I hope things become a little easier for you.

Wow what an ignorant post. A friend has a son with cerebral palsy. NHS treatment gets him so far but their life is a constant round of fundraising for additional therapies and physio to help him gain and keep movements and skills. But yeah..lifestyle 🙄

Before you all pile on and give the poor woman a good kicking, perhaps stop and think for a moment that there's a human being on the other side of the screen whose been through an awful lot.

Posting abuse and character assassinations might just be enough to push someone over the edge. Think on that before you take a swipe for fun.

OP, if you’re still reading, I don’t think there’s a one word answer to this.

Firstly, your relative is very generous. That’s all there is to it. You haven’t explained the family dynamics here, but it’s possible he was just trying to keep everything level to avoid conflict within the family, and also enable you not to have to keep a gift secret. His wording was insensitive but you haven’t explained to suck that up.

Secondly, life has clearly dealt you a poor hand, and how you feel about that is how you feel about it. No-one on here knows whether being angry and resentful of others’ good fortune is your usual position, or whether you are 99% Pollyanna and this is just you having an understandable moan.

Thirdly, anyone who thinks the NHS provides all necessary treatment in a timely manner is delusional. It doesn’t. Clearly definitions of “necessary” vary, but there’s a significant difference between accessing weekly physiotherapy to remain mobile, or psychotherapy for cPTSD, and getting weight loss injections if you are not T2 diabetic.

Fourthly, I think that it was a poster saying that this must be a lifestyle choice that made you lose your rag? I think that was a shitty thing to say to you.

Good luck. My advice? Don’t post on AIBU.

Is it a parent?

If we give money to one adult DC for something they need but can’t afford then we would always give the same amount to their sibling. Because that is the fair thing to do.

This is a situation were money has been distributed equally, but unfortunately equal doesn't equate to fair. It's compounded your feelings around your disability and how bloody unfair the whole situation is. The family member should have been more sensitive and it has bought up the fact that the rest of your family don't have the awareness they perhaps should about your struggles and situation. You need to just focus on you and what a bonus this money has been.

Your family member gave you a wonderful gift that will benefit you greatly. That is the beginning and the end of it.
What they choose to do with the rest of their money, whether they choose to go on a world, cruise, give it the cat and dogs home or buy a fleet of luxury cars does not affect you in any way. It doesn't reduce the value of their gift to you.
I think it would be different if you had approached them for help. If one of my children asks for help I gladly give it if I can and don't keep score. That is completely different to giving an unsolicited substantial gift. Then I make sure that I give to them all evenly.
By giving a gift to all your siblings they are sending the message that they love you all equally. Surely that's what all siblings want.

I don't know why people post on AIBU and then when people constructively point out that they are being unreasonable/suggest different ways to reframe it, say things like 'Ok I get it. I’m awful and should just let myself rot in a corner' and then try to blame others for their 'fragile mental health'. It's really manipulative.

That isn't necessarily fair, it's equal. Being equal matters to you and that's ok. I clean/do washing for my autistic DD, so she can work the hours she does. I also manage a lot of her admin etc. I could cut down and equally do the same for my NT DD, but that would just be equal and not fair.

See I disagree with that. My teens get the same pocket money but I spend different amounts on them depending on what they need. Hobby X costs £50 and hobby Y costs £75 but I dont randomly give x an extra £25 for the "difference". If one needs a new laptop that happens but I don't bung the other one £500 quid to even the score. They'll get theirs WHEN they need a new one. My parents help one sibling more than another due to circumstances. Funds are limited so they are directed to best effect. It's like that equality Vs equity image with the boxes and the fence.

someone is being generous, and trying to keep things fair. It saves any awkwardness, everybody got the same (say it's parents towards siblings possibly?)

What you do with the money is up to you.

Instead of thinking it's unfair that people got money they can spend towards a luxury holiday and other luxury, just remember that people in the same condition as you won't get any assistance at all, and that's unfair.

No one is being rewarded or punished, it's a generous gift, be thankful but it's unfair to resent others getting the same. The relative could have kept everything and spend it on luxury for themselves.

Just because someone put money towards multiple holidays a year, it's unfair to pretend they won't "notice" a gift. If you are all from the same family, you all started the same, so they must have been working hard to get where they are now. Why should they be punished for it?

Do you have dc OP? Maybe if you try to reframe the situation. If you had spare money, and one of your dc was struggling for whatever reason, would you gift just one or all? How would your dc react to the gifting? How would you feel?
The money that has gone to other family members wouldn't have impacted you anyway. You had the amount you had. Which helped to pay for what you needed. What anyone else.does with their money isn't your problem.
Perhaps feeling gratitude for what you have been given, may help to make you feel better emotionally, rather than feeling hard done by.

I’m with you OP, I would be hurt by this. I’d feel upset.

I am genuinely astonished at the number of people who think someone feeling sad is therefore unreasonable for feeling a feeling.

What a bunch of automatons. God forbid anyone should ever have anything other than the perfect feeling in any situation.

Very well said

Sorry youre having to spend fun money on medical treatment op. Im in the same boat and have been fur many years re spending money on stuff others dont have to.

Everyone else enjoying life. Im just treading water despite being a half decent human being and working enough hours that I should be ok. But I’m not due to the medical costs they don’t have that I need to have any kind of life without horrible symptoms.

Id go back and thank the relative for their gift as it’s very generous.

I agree with this. Its an awful way to post and very manipulative

If you don't want people to disagree with you, don't post asking if you are unreasonable.

how exactly do you think telling the OP that they are right, when they are wrong, and they SHOULD be offended that a relative did a kind gesture to other family members , HOW would that help in any way?