Am I being a spoilt brat here?

[alittlebitlessofme]

Family member discovered recently that I am having private treatment for a condition I have which isn’t covered by the NHS. The cost of which has become increasingly difficult as I’m already on a low income.

Said family member has recently come into some money. They offered to pay some money towards my treatment. I accepted. Then few days later said individual sends message to say they have sent equal amount of money to other family members to have fun with. Other family members all have significantly higher household income.

Am I being a complete brat feeling a bit sad about this? My money was specifically for something which is rather unpleasant however necessary. Not for fun. Meanwhile family members who don’t have to deal with anything like the same challenges are rewarded with money they don’t need.

The issue I’m dealing with already makes me
incredibly self conscious and has singled me out from childhood as being different. At the moment I still feel like the child who was punished for being like this

You are being a spoilt brat.

Someone had kindly offered you money which you have accepted. You can not begrudge others doing the same. Doesn't matter what it is used for.

No, because she still got given a generous gift and someone else getting a similar gift doesn't diminish the spirit it was given to OP in.

OP is choosing to diminish it by comparing and being entitled.

No one's fault she's on the breadline, people have sympathised with that and the chronic issue, but to begrudge a gift to someone else doesn't come off well.

How's that anyone's fault, did you expect her to cover the full cost?

For goodness sake, somebody gave you some money and you're moaning about it! The fact that they're better off than you is irrelevant. Do you give cheaper presents to richer friends? Be grateful, and stop looking at what everybody else has got.

OP, I hope you read through the replies before you have the thread removed because it’s not gone how you wanted.

The person who GAVE you money can give anyone money because it’s THEIR money. It’s not for you to say what someone else does with their money and the fact this person had to tell you makes me realise what’s going on.

None of this is anybody else's fault so don't take it out on them. It's understandable that you're having a tough time but that's no excuse for throwing your toys out of the pram and blaming everyone else. I have so many health conditions but I've never once taken it out on others. It sucks but it is what it is.

Is the private medical procedure to remove the chip on your shoulder?

Oh op I’m sorry you feel the way you do.

But the money was a gift and if you could have it on booze, birds and fast cars if you’d wanted to. (Bonus points to anyone who gets the reference without google!)

have you made sure you’re claiming all the help you’re entitled to like pip etc?

You are in a bad place financially and physically but it would be worse if they had not intervened. Count your blessings.

I mean, if people had any doubt about you being a spoilt brat before, they certainly don’t now…..

Kindly OP, it's your relative's money to do what they want to do with. It's really kind that they're given you some. I get you are disappointed that you aren't in a better position, but this is not your family's fault.

Try to look on this positively. The extra cash means you can continue the treatment that improves your life

Probably not the best use of words but I am sure it wasn't intentional.
Splitting money /sharing from inheritance is always going to be perceived as unfair by someone.
I hope you continue to benefit from your treatment

If you are suffering with poor mental health it’s not a good idea to post on AIBU. You will get honest answers and sometimes read things you don’t like. I think your relative was being fair but perhaps the wording wasn’t great.

Focus on yourself and do not compare yourself with others. Hold your head up high, work towards your goal and be proud of yourself when you attain it. Why are you concerned about the decisions of others when they do not directly affect you? Said family member was very kind to share money in equal proportions. It was theirs to share and theirs to decide who got it. Be grateful and gracious.

I'm guessing the donor is a parent and the other recipients are siblings? Most parents care equally about all their children and are walking the line between helping out and treating everyone fairly. They have given all of you money, promoted by your needs. Be appreciative of the gift.

Yeah, you’re completely wrong here

Oh weight loss injections?..😬 I was thinking with the post about a wheel chair cortisone injections or something.
But surely if it stops you needing a wheelchair nhs would provide?

You're not being a brat, OP.

Being a brat would mean kicking off in front of the relative who has given you the money or the others who have also received money about how it's not fair.

Of course it's not fair. As lovely as it was for your relative to help you out, being given money to spend on medical treatment you need but are struggling to afford isn't a treat. It's more of an attempt to reduce the inequality between you, a person whose quality of life is affected by a medical condition, and other people who are lucky enough not to be in that situation.

From your relative's point of view, they want to help you but also don't want to show favouritism. By their logic, in offering the same money to other family members, they have evened things up after helping you by treating everyone the same. But from your point of view, people who can already afford to treat themselves have been given money for an extra treat, and you're the only one without a treat because you've got to spend that money on medical costs, through no fault of your own. It feels like yet another unearned windfall for people lucky enough to not have a medical condition like yours.

Your relative isn't wrong to do what they have done (they actually sound very lovely), but in telling you that they have also given money to everyone else, they have inadvertently highlighted the inequality in the situation.

Their focus is on equality (treating everyone the same) rather than equity (giving people what they actually need to level the playing field).

I'm quite sure your relative didn't mean to make you feel this way and would be upset if they realised how it has made you feel.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do except accept it with a good grace and just use the gift as it was intended.

YABU

That family member just wanted it to be fair and treat everyone equally.

They shouldn’t have to and the others shouldn’t have accepted it but that’s nothing to do with you.

Honestly you posted asking if you were being a spoilt brat and you are.
Your family member had very kindly given you money and you’re moaning about it.

I hope you’ve not said anything in RL else no one will ever help you again.

I think the family member didn’t have to give any of you any money. If they hadn’t of done you would be in a harder position financially. I think you need to consider it’s more about your experience and being misunderstood by the family member about your condition.

You have no idea what the other family members will use their money for. It could be fun or they may need something too.
your relative worded it poorly though.

You cannot get so upset with posters OP about your condition. You have given limited information and it would be a stretch to think that the NHS doesn’t cover something so essential so unless you tell people what it is you are going to have to accept that there will be assumptions made.

What did you want to happen? Did you want your other relatives to be given nothing? Or did you want your generous relative to give you more money so you could have fun money too? Or would you rather they hadn’t given you anything if they were going to give to other family members too?

In your shoes I would be overjoyed that I had been given money because I could do with it too. You are not the only person in the world who has money worries and you are not the only person in the world who has health problems. I have both too, as lots of people do.

I mean, you do sound quite bratty.

Yes you are being a complete brat.