Am I being a spoilt brat here?

[alittlebitlessofme]

Family member discovered recently that I am having private treatment for a condition I have which isn’t covered by the NHS. The cost of which has become increasingly difficult as I’m already on a low income.

Said family member has recently come into some money. They offered to pay some money towards my treatment. I accepted. Then few days later said individual sends message to say they have sent equal amount of money to other family members to have fun with. Other family members all have significantly higher household income.

Am I being a complete brat feeling a bit sad about this? My money was specifically for something which is rather unpleasant however necessary. Not for fun. Meanwhile family members who don’t have to deal with anything like the same challenges are rewarded with money they don’t need.

The issue I’m dealing with already makes me
incredibly self conscious and has singled me out from childhood as being different. At the moment I still feel like the child who was punished for being like this

It's a you problem, not a they problem.

They can do whatever they want with their money. They don't have to give it to you or to anyone you mentioned at all.

Each of you who benefitted should be grateful. Each has different needs and purpose to use the money. These may be more or less fun and necessary which is not fair. Life isn't fair. Your starting presumption is wrong and that's on you.

You're not entitled to more or to be spoken to extra sensitively like you seemingly expect by someone who has already helped you more than expected.

Spoilt brat? Q.E.D. You answered your own question, OP.

OP flounces off, never to be heard of again.

Yes you're being brattish. Your relative giving other family members hasn't taken it away from you. And it isn't your place to direct how someone else spends their money, or how a gift should be received by others. Focus on yourself and be less ungrateful when people do nice things for you.

From the posting history I’m guessing it’s a weight loss treatment (surgery? WLIs?, something along those lines).

You might think they’ve not given you any money for fun things, but they’ve given you the opportunity to improve your quality of life so that you can do fun things. There are people doing this without wealthy family members picking up the cost. If it matters to you, you’ll find a way,

I hope your cancer treatment is working and you are OK. I was feeling sorry for myself, having had a rubbish Summer break. But you have brought me to my senses. I have my health.

Well, Op, had they described the money to you also as 'fun money' that might have been worse.

It is unfair that you have a chronic condition.
It doesn't mean that others should not have fun.

Reality is that you can now spend some of your own money (which you did not spend on treatment) on having some fun.

Sorry you haven’t had a good summer; that sucks.

I will know soon enough if treatment is working. Health really is everything.

I get it op but you can't be ungrateful unfortunately they did give you money after all and they didn't have to. What else can they have done given you more to counteract you spending all on treatment it sucks but it is what it is and I'm sorry about your illness wishing you the best.

I went through similar. My mum gifted me £5,000 as we were struggling and sent the same amount to my siblings, who had money. They booked holidays and I paid bills. She wanted to keep it fair and for no one to fallout. I understood completely and appreciated it.

Hahaha!

OP - “am I being a spoilt brat?”

MUMSNET - “hmm, yeah, you kind of are, but we (mostly) empathise and you’ve been really blessed by the money…”

OP - “waaaah, it’s not fair! You’re all SO MEAN. I’m not a brat! EVERYONE else is better off than me! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! It’s not faiiiirrrrrrr…”

OP flounces off AND slams the door behind them.

That’ll show us!!

@alittlebitlessofme - are you 5?

I think my mum would do the same as she would feel bad paying out say 3k for one child, and nothing for the other child. I however can see your point here, and why you’re a bit upset. Really she should have just told her other DC that if they
ever need private medical care, she will fund.

Oh dear. I'm so sorry that you're so unhappy and also struggling with an illness/disability

I can see how lovely it was to be given money to help you through your illness/disability. I would have felt quite special and loved because of the money, which was given to help you

I can understand that the money given to others to "equal it up" could detract from your gift (for you) and detract from the specialness of your gift

Unfortunately people can do what they like with their own money. I think you simply have to feel grateful for YOUR money and try to push aside thoughts of the other gifts

Maybe I’m in the minority here but I totally get what op means and it does seem hard that others who don’t need it and want appreciate it get additional money whereas she needs the money.
i also think it’s sad that those family members are also happy to have much higher standard of day to day living and let their relative struggle.
i wish you all the best op xxx

Without that money you wouldn’t have treatment. Your family can’t give you all the money and exclude everyone else it wouldn’t be fair. Yes I get your bitter because they have a better lifestyle but unfortunately that’s life. Please go get some therapy and try and work on your issues.

“They will neither notice nor care for the monies sent.”

How do you know? It might have been a fortuitous windfall that has enabled them to improve their health in ways that they don’t choose to disclose. Talk about glass half full, OP - your relative has kindly given you money and you are acting like a green-eyed monster because you’re not the only one to receive a windfall. It’s up to each and every one of us how we choose to spend our money - my luxuries might be your necessities and vice versa. Don’t be so mean-spirited towards your other relatives - be happy that you have come into some money. What you, and they, choose to do with it is an entirely personal matter.

Yes. You sound ungrateful! My family member was gifted money for something they really needed and all other siblings got the same to do what they wanted with it. So the answer to your question is YES

The alternative was that your relative give none of you money. In which case you wouldn't have been able to pay for this round of treatment.

You've invited opinions in AIBU and can't really be upset if people give them unfortunately.

Op calm down. No one attacked you! Comparison is the thief of joy. Try and be happy that the money has allowed you to continue your treatment (wherever it’s for). You really don’t know the ins and outs of your siblings finances, everyone has stuff going on. I’m sure your relative meant no offence and would be upset to know you are hurt.

Yes, you are being a brat. It's absolutely none of your business how this generous family member spends their money.

How would you have afforded the treatment if the family member hadn’t offered?

Perhaps rephrase it in your mind, so presumably you’d have had to pay for it yourself? So you’re doing that and you also have the family members fun money?

It absolutely isn't. You're right

But I think we can (well, I can) understand that, having suffered for years, it felt truly beautiful to be helped. The OP felt special and loved.

And then everyone was given the same money and yet THEY could have fun wirh THEIR money

Can't everyone see that although anyone can spend their money any way they choose, the emotion attached to the gift for the OP, was diminished a little after the general largesse ?

I think you’re being angry at the wrong people here.
Paying for medical treatments isn’t the responsibility of your family, but they’ve been kind enough to help you out.
They are also aware that given money one and not others could cause resentment and fallout, so want to keep everything fair.
What would you prefer- not to have the money at all? They may well continue to help you with your treatments in future if they see it benefits you.

So the relative has gifted you money for your treatment. What they did after that is none of your business and not relevant to you. All that is relevant is that they have gifted to you. Are you going to bitter about everyone that spends money on 'fun'? There will always be people in a better position to you and also people in a worse position than you; financially and healthwise.

Your replies to people aren’t painting you in glory. You were gifted some money and your relative felt that they ought to gift money to others in the name of fairness.
Did you expect special treatment? Or extra money sent to you so you’d get more than them?

It sucks to have a condition that you have to live with, but that’s just the cards life dealt you unfortunately (believe me, I know).

Try and see it differently- your relative has given you some money for your treatment so you don’t have to eat into your own savings or whatever. That’s a huge bonus.