Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

[SimplyStarry]

Autistic child is mine! Please can I have some options as I am very on edge. My son is autistic and non-verbal although he does say lots of words. I’ve recently moved house to a nice area, nice house, quiet neighbours. The garden is quite big and any sound tends to echo around. DS is a loud vocal stimmer - if he plays with water outside or spins my rotary line he shouts and does a loud, low AAAAGH! I’m hyper aware of how loud he is.

I’m next door (not joined) to an older couple with an immaculate garden, they do look after their grandchildren but I’m aware of how loud my son is when they are sitting out their garden. Joined onto my house is a family with 3 kids so not too bad.

He only goes out after 10am and I make sure he’s in early. We do go out a lot so he’s not out all the time.

I try and tell him to be a bit quieter and distract him too. I’m concerned that a neighbour might complain. What would you do?

Thank you.

I would write to your neighbours a card explaining the situation and that you are in the process of learning strategies to help him reduce / stop this behaviour but to be grateful for their patience whilst you do so

I'm sorry to hear that you are worried about him bothering others, I am sure you have enough stress anyway taking care of him. It's thoughtful of you.

You could pop round to each and explain a bit about his needs. It's always a fine line, you don't want to sort of stereotype or label him to others, but also they need to be aware that he isn't being "naughty". It would take a mean person to look you in the eye and grumble when you are explaining about him.

That’s a good idea, thank you. He’s (finally!) sleeping well at night so isn’t loud then, just in the garden. My last neighbours had a SEN child and understood. This garden/area is so quiet and echoy!

I wouldnt have an issue with this at all. Annoying tinny music playing all day, yes. Child enjoying himself, no.

It’s lovely if you to be aware of others and I am sure they would feel happier if you spoke to them about the situation, it shows you care, which is always a very good thing. 💜

If you are going to do it, sit down and write it now and post it through their letterboxes this afternoon. Just get it done and dusted

I agree with sending a card.

You're already being considerate by making sure that he doesn't go out in the garden too early or stay out late but, tbh, I would still find the noise really annoying - until I realised that he had SEN and then I would be much more understanding.

I am pretty antisocial and get irritated by other people's noise. Plenty of other people wouldn't mind at all but it won't hurt to send a card in case your neighbours are miseries like me!

Our neighbour's DC has autism and they told us as soon as they moved in. We have a small child so aren't quiet ourselves anyway! But even if we didn't we appreciated them letting us know, as when we hear them in the garden we just think "sounds like they're having fun" and that's the end of it.

While you can explain his SEN, don't be upset if they do not understand, I think you need to let them get on with it because you can't be restricting your DS worrying about the neighbours and, as you say, you already compromising.

One of my best friends has a teenage son who is non verbal and very vocal in doors and out. In truth I would not like to live next door to her as it is non stop. Her life is stressful enough worrying about what others think though.

Neither of her neighbours speak to her and two of them have changed their garden layout since she moved in. One of them with a huge fence. One set of neighbours will not allow their DC to play with him and the other wont let their DGC in the garden when her son is outdoors.

I just want to say, I don’t think being noise sensitive = being a misery, AT ALL.

if we can accept sensory overload is a variable spectrum, then we can accept that some people are more sensitive to noise than others! I’m with you: I’d be really stressed by the noise.. I DO get really stressed by noise. I think it’s a real problem these days, that people shout into their phones in supposedly quiet places and play tV shows out loud on their phones while on public transport! It’s hard to cope with!

It may be because a teen boy, size of a man, is quite intimidating out in the garden, non verbal but shouting loudly and often.

Just carry on. Your son is part of the world. Try not to worry, if you were my neighbour I wouldn’t mind at all.

I wouldn’t worry about it. He has the right to exist

Absolutely

but I hope the op follows my advice to drop neighbours a note to explain

Next door but one has a child like yours (I think, I don't know them but hear him). I am glad he sounds happy when he's out in the garden, no matter how noisy for us.

I should maybe have clarified he is a teen now but wasn't when they moved in there over 8 years ago and the OP's DS will be a teenager one day. Not everyone understands SN, even after you explain, and some people themselves are noise intolerant, and some are just intolerant.

Please don't worry. You and your son are legally entitled to enjoyment of your garden. Anyone expecting perfect peace in a suburban garden is unreasonable. Noise happens. We all live with road and airplane noise every day, and accept it.

I'd drop a card into each neighbour, introducing yourself, and explaining that your son is SEN and can be a bit noisy sometimes, but that you will do your best to mitigate that.

Then you've pre-empted any complaints, you've explained what is going on, and given your neighbours a chance to get their heads round the change.

I hope you are happy in your new home xx

Of course he has a right to exist, but I'm afraid if I lived next to you, that would make me utterly miserable, because in summer most people want to have their windows and doors open to let in some fresh air, but if that air is accompanied every day by shouting and groaning it would be very intrusive. I'm not trying to make you feel worse (honestly!), but I really feel for your poor neighbours. By all means go and have a chat with them or write them a note, if you feel too stressed about it to face them, but I would also be prepared for them to not be happy.

Our next door neighbour has a non verbal child who makes lots of different noises. I have children of my own and don’t mind at all. I think it’s very considerate (and appropriate ) to be mindful of morning and evening noise. Your child has just as much right tone it his garden as your neighbours do. It sounds like you’re considerate and thoughtful so please don’t feel worried or guilty about what noise there is. No harm in a polite note dropped to your neighbours, explaining the situation, but don’t let yoursekf or your so be pushed indoors

This is interesting as I think this is the case for one of our neighbours. For weeks I heard this horrible shrieking noise and I quickly assumed it was a child with SEN but not sure exactly which house it was coming from. It is undeniably unpleasant to hear, but I reckon he/she has just as much right to be in their garden as a NT child. I do close the window if it gets a bit much but by and large I just feel sympathy for the family

As a very private person who enjoys quiet honestly, if you told me of your circumstances I would learn to live with it.

I wouldn't write this.
This could set up a false expectation.
There may well be nothing you can do to temper the noise.
My son has no control of his vocal stims. Trying to quieten him would make it worse.

They are aware that he is profoundly autistic, they seem like nice people but I still worry that he’s disturbing their peaceful time in the garden.

I wouldn't personally say or do anything unless you happen to be in conversation with them and it crops up.
As your neighbour, I would be able to recognise your son's issues and it wouldn't be a problem for me.

Well yes

there’s quite a difference between an male adult sized teen non verbal and shouting in the garden
vs
an 8 year old