Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

[SimplyStarry]

Autistic child is mine! Please can I have some options as I am very on edge. My son is autistic and non-verbal although he does say lots of words. I’ve recently moved house to a nice area, nice house, quiet neighbours. The garden is quite big and any sound tends to echo around. DS is a loud vocal stimmer - if he plays with water outside or spins my rotary line he shouts and does a loud, low AAAAGH! I’m hyper aware of how loud he is.

I’m next door (not joined) to an older couple with an immaculate garden, they do look after their grandchildren but I’m aware of how loud my son is when they are sitting out their garden. Joined onto my house is a family with 3 kids so not too bad.

He only goes out after 10am and I make sure he’s in early. We do go out a lot so he’s not out all the time.

I try and tell him to be a bit quieter and distract him too. I’m concerned that a neighbour might complain. What would you do?

Thank you.

Your son has a right to loud enjoyment of your garden 😀

Dropping a note is fine, but you may open the floodgates to them asking to keep the noise down constantly. I would be more casual about discussing it than dropping a note,just so they are aware of the situation and there is not much you can do.

Will people please stop with the notes, chocs and flowers advice 🙄

OP does not have to prostrate herself before her neighbours. She is already a considerate person trying to keep noise to a minimum. That's all any neighbours should expect.

Apologising for SEN children's quite frankly very mild noise at normal daytime in their own garden is not reasonable or necessary.

Talk to them hunny, you say they are already aware of his autism so keep the communication going, explain you know hes loud and that you are actively trying to help him find ways to stim that dont involve shouting etc. In my experience if people understand what you are dealing with and how you are dealing with it then they are more likely to be understanding and supportive

Nobody needs to stop giving the advice they want to give because you think differently. Even if you roll your eyes to disparage all the polite kindness, you can’t remove people’s goodwill and turn them into “ I will if I like, what you gonna do about it” thug life proponents. Thankfully.

You are not obligated to send a note but if you do decide to communicate with them, please don’t say that you are working on strategies to prevent it if that’s not appropriate. Your child is allowed to communicate and express himself how he wants in his own garden.

The neighbours might not like it, but they do have to suck it up and be gracious.

We have a similar situation with new neighbours who have chn that just scream and shout in the garden. I never hear the parents trying to quieten them. I have no issue with children playing but screaming is horrible. Does your son have to be outside? Can you take him elsewhere to let off steam?

Get some loop ear plugs! Life saver

I've got quite 2 for sleep they were £19.99 and switch 2 was £55 from Amazon.. switch 2 does all 3 settings

It your house and your garden. He is allowed to be himself in his own home. No one wants to annoy neighbours but you are doing your best under challenging circumstances

Flowers and chocs are unnecessary but nothing wrong with a note. Saying something in person is also good but some people find a note easier.

The op shouldn't feel that she has to apologise for her ds, especially as she is already being considerate with the times that he is outside, but an explanation is fine.

This is my child ,you will know doubt get a lot of replies about trumping of rights
But IRL outside of mumsnet I have found neighbours can be very understanding when they know it's a disability

What a horrible comment.
Of course he can be outside.

He's disabled he has every right to be in his garden .

My child is autistic and all my neighbours are fully aware and in support of him and his stims. They ask about him frequently. However, there is one neighbour who has been prejudiced towards us and thankfully all of the other neighbours feel as I do: she is awful! Always blames poor behaviour of any child on autism. My child might be loud and classed as non speaking, but he’s beautiful, kind and positive. Loud though! But our neighbours express delight of hearing him having fun. We’re usually our earliest at ten and in latest at seven/eight - he is five.

I’ve just looked these up! Brilliant suggestion, Thankyou so much! 💜

If they already know that he is severely autistic, I wouldn't do anything else as of yet. I definitely wouldn't go down the chocolate, flowers etc route because it is almost like you are apologising for your son's disability.

Just be considerate which you already are with not allowing him out until a certain time or allowing him out too late. Disabled children are allowed to enjoy their own gardens.

I agree with the letter / card. If you wait til they complain to explain it wouldn't be as effective..often people don't complain until they are really angry and someone who is naturally non confrontational will have to work themselves into a state before approaching you. They will be less tolerant than someone who is warned in advance. Truth is, he might really annoy them but any decent person would keep their thoughts to themselves because disability is disability.

Well the op seemed to like the note advice rather than… fuck the neighbours OP

Please say you don’t honestly think the OP’s child shouldn’t use the garden @landlordhell

Nobodies saying "fuck " the neighbours but generally speaking ( outside of mumsnet) most people are tolerant when you explain about disability, the Op certainly doesn't need to apologise for her child's disabilities.

No one
literally no one has said that the op should apologise for her child

Apologising for noise and saying that you’re aware of it and appreciate their understanding because your child has SEN is not apologising for the existence of your child

I mean when he’s screaming.

So every time he starts screaming with uncontrolled joy at being in his happy place… the op should man handle him back inside?

Honestly if it was me, I would struggle to sit in my garden to listen to the noise. So it would affect me massively. You might see the for sale sign going up next door. But I suppose that doesn’t affect you.

If he screams when he's happy and he's happy in the garden then yes, he'd never get to use it.

Remember that we're talking about a disabled child, not children who can control screaming and parents who refuse to tell them off.