Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

[SimplyStarry]

Autistic child is mine! Please can I have some options as I am very on edge. My son is autistic and non-verbal although he does say lots of words. I’ve recently moved house to a nice area, nice house, quiet neighbours. The garden is quite big and any sound tends to echo around. DS is a loud vocal stimmer - if he plays with water outside or spins my rotary line he shouts and does a loud, low AAAAGH! I’m hyper aware of how loud he is.

I’m next door (not joined) to an older couple with an immaculate garden, they do look after their grandchildren but I’m aware of how loud my son is when they are sitting out their garden. Joined onto my house is a family with 3 kids so not too bad.

He only goes out after 10am and I make sure he’s in early. We do go out a lot so he’s not out all the time.

I try and tell him to be a bit quieter and distract him too. I’m concerned that a neighbour might complain. What would you do?

Thank you.

He’s not out there all day thankfully, he’s happy on his tablet and will be back in school soon.

If people are set on peace and quiet they should perhaps live further out of town. You are a considerate person, that’s obvious. You can’t ban your child from their own garden.

Why send a note when you could go and speak to them direct? If they are your neighbours surely you would be introducing yourselves?

Dear little chap. I wouldn't mind at all but it might be a good idea to let people know if you think it would help with acceptance / people making pointed remarks over the fencem

I voted YABU because as a SEN mum myself, you cannot get through your child’s childhood worrying about what other people think. You have to let go any embarrassment, anxiousness, or worry about being judged. It took me a while to do this but it's so liberating. My child will express themselves how they will, have meltdowns in public, be very active and loud, etc and deciding not to worry about other's opinions is a gift to your child and yourself. That anxiety will transfer to them and also stress you beyond belief. Trust me. Stop worrying.
Also many ordinary kids are loud and lively, perhaps even more than your child. Nobody else feels they should apologise for them existing.
Sending all strength to your elbow.

Unfortunately he will be spoiling their outside time but you can only do what you can do and as reasonable people they can probably understand the situation and hope it improves.

I am that person too. My son when stimming does a loud wooing sound. He doesn't go out early or stay out late, it's in small bursts as I'll take him in for a bit and go out and about often. I would love for him to be less loud but at the end of the day what can we do? He's non verbal with severe LD and doesn't understand how to be quiet, it's his happy noise and his only voice. Short of gagging him or never letting him out I'm pretty stuck, I don't have the money for a large detached in the middle of nowhere. My logic is that it's part of neighbourhood life, I don't complain about the happy dog next door, the night time music two doors down, banging on the walls when the teenager is having a strop, it's life. Also perfectly legal as long as not at antisocial hours. He friendly to your neighbours and explain, but at the end of the day he has a right to live and have his voice.

Would the noise be less annoying just because the maker of noise had SEN.?

I suppose knowing that might make you a nit more tolerate towards it but not change the actual noise

100% yes

No SEN - screaming all day. Inconsiderate bloody parents
SEN - tough gig. Annoying but understandable. Poor kid. Poor parents.

The little card sounds like a great idea - explain his needs and that he won’t be in garden before X or after Y and he loves trips out so sometimes won’t be home. It’s his happy noise and if you try to stop it it could turn into an unhappy noise - so he’s got the right to be happy. Hopefully they’ll understand. Glad he’s enjoying the garden!!

It would make a difference to me, yes. Because I would know it wasn’t because of poor parents who just didn’t care about others.

It sounds like you're being really considerate to not be in the garden too early and late so I'd like to think they wouldn't have a problem with it. Maybe a chat or a note through the door just to explain but a lot of older people like hearing kids play, it's nice to see/hear them having fun (at least that's what my lovely neighbours say after my kids scream their way round the garden playing). Hope you and your son enjoy the lovely new garden 😊

Why? They aren't in my garden so I am not threatened.

Unless I think my neighbours are being attacked, in which case I would feel obliged to get them help.

I guess it depends on the noise. I once encountered a woman and her son in Tesco and the child was making a noise that was setting off my fight or flight instinct. If I hadn't been able to see the child I would have said that someone was actively in the process of physically harming him. No amount of explanation is ever going to take away my instinctive reaction to that particular noise. Other noises children make are less acute and therefore easier to live with, at least for me.

respectfully, that’s your issue to deal with.

Our neighbours have an autistic/LD son, who is now in his late 20s. He properly screams/shouts loudly in his garden for up to an hour at a time, and tbh it’s disconcerting (and extremely loud). I think it’s a vocal stim and helps him to regulate.

DS1 is AuDHD and hasn’t been able to go into the garden until this year because he’s scared of the noise.

There’s no solution, except for his parents to keep him nearer their house and further from neighbours’ gardens (their garden is close to a number of other gardens).

... did I say it wasn't? I was responding to the question posed by another poster with an honest answer.

That poster was saying the neighbour wouldn’t allow her DC to play with him

Fair enough. Sorry.

I would find this noise incredibly irritating SEN or not. I too am autistic and am very sensitive to noise which undoubtedly clouds my view. I would probably choose to wear earplugs or headphones if I could hear him and it was irritating me though. I wouldn’t say anything knowing it was a child with SEN.
I would make sure he wasn’t out there making noise for extended periods of time though or if they are clearly out in their garden socialising etc.
When we choose to live in neighbourhoods you do have to accept a degree of noise.

That depends on you.

My eldest is ND. If he got too much, I'd bring him inside for an hour. You aren't a passenger in your child's life, you are his parent and you have responsibility and accountability for him.

I'm entitled to stand in my garden and shout. It would make me quite the arsehole to say my neighbours have to continually put up with it because I'm entitled to do it and label it "enjoying my garden."

They should be able to enjoy their garden, as should you and your child. I also have DTwins and I don't mind them playing with the occasional yell, but girl twin is very shouty and has to be told to tone it down. A lot. If she doesn't, she comes inside.

There's a difference between letting your child shout a handful of times throughout the day, and allowing them to shout frequently, all day. Just because my youngest knows she's being too noisy, and my eldest wasn't able to recognise that, doesn't have any bearing on my ability to take action and bring either inside as their parent.

The fact you are posting threads about his noise means you do know it's too much. Just bring him inside when you need too.

We recently moved and your DC sounds similar to a near by teenage (not next door but their garden is close to our front yard). Once I figured out what the situation was I just tuned it out. It was not nearly as annoying as our previous neighbours toddler who would “play”with their letter box at 12am…

Not everyone will be able or want to tune it out, so it’s better to try and curtail it and/ or spend some time indoors.

Have they actually said anything? We all exist in a world with other people and cannot expect to live in an urban area with total peace and quiet. I think 10am is a reasonable time to allow for lie ins.

Pop round with a plant or box of chocolates and explain the situation to them.

The 3dc over the fence from us can be very noisy sometimes, especially when they have the pool or water slide out. I was just saying to dh that they will be getting to the “football against the fence” stage soon. Mine are all adults now but we’re at that stage once.

My dog is not particularly noisy but probably barks at least once a day at a visitor, postman or delivery driver.

The next door cat performs in our garden regularly and hangs out there annoying my indoor cats until I send the dog out to ask her to move.

The couple across the road have the most beautiful garden and trim their hedges, grass and edges frequently.

No one is being deliberately annoying. It takes a bit of live and let live. Just communicate with them.

I know it's not quite the same, but my parents, aged 77 and 81, love hearing the noise of their neighbours children. I think it reminds them of my children who they don't see nearly often enough.