Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

[SimplyStarry]

Autistic child is mine! Please can I have some options as I am very on edge. My son is autistic and non-verbal although he does say lots of words. I’ve recently moved house to a nice area, nice house, quiet neighbours. The garden is quite big and any sound tends to echo around. DS is a loud vocal stimmer - if he plays with water outside or spins my rotary line he shouts and does a loud, low AAAAGH! I’m hyper aware of how loud he is.

I’m next door (not joined) to an older couple with an immaculate garden, they do look after their grandchildren but I’m aware of how loud my son is when they are sitting out their garden. Joined onto my house is a family with 3 kids so not too bad.

He only goes out after 10am and I make sure he’s in early. We do go out a lot so he’s not out all the time.

I try and tell him to be a bit quieter and distract him too. I’m concerned that a neighbour might complain. What would you do?

Thank you.

If I’m not mistaken, a few days ago, didn’t you suggest that in some cases doctors should withhold medical intervention from disabled children and therefore allow them to die?

I think you just don’t like disabled kids, if so. Again, if that was you, I’d probably just stop commenting on disability, you’re not putting yourself in a great light.

It wouldn’t bother me at all. People talking, children playing, cars driving by, these are all usual daily sounds and your son screaming now and again would be a noise like this.

The sounds I would find annoying are intrusive, ongoing, man-made noises that are difficult to ignore - top of the list is music. OMG! I HATE when neighbours play music outside. Does your son play with the tablet in the garden and does the sound carry? If so, the sound of the tablet would annoy me much, much more than any loud sounds your son made.

I’ll contribute as I want thankyou . Just like everyone else on the forum .

That’s a yes then. Don’t worry, those of us that saw it, saw it.

Jesus.

I don't just leave him outside driving everyone else up the wall because that's a better result for me. My kid, my consequences. I really like this level of responsibility, this is how I try and choose to live also.It is both important and praiseworthy to try and establish boundaries if your child can handle them, and also to take consequences on yourself rather than burden others.

But respectfully - it's not actually "your consequences", it's your child's consequences.

My child when in burnout sometimes doesn't want to leave their room or open the curtains for a week at a time. They are also low in vitamin D. If going in the garden daily and making a random growly, screechy noise got them jumping on a trampoline, got daylight on their skin, got them moving so they slept better at night, I would consider the benefit to their health greater than the disbenefit to neighbours being stressed about the noise.
Not saying that there is no disbenefit to the neighbours, but my child desperately needs light, air and sleep.

Same reason that a screaming meltdown indoors is to be avoided. Because being very dysregulated and upset to the point of smashing things - or biting yourself or head banging, as some children do - is objectively worse for any human to experience than being annoyed by a noise.

I don't want to go on at you, because you have a child with additional needs and are managing incredibly well it seems. I'm writing this more for myself and other readers. I think there's a way to hold space for your child to flourish, and not mind the inconvenience to others. It demands some reprogramming of our need to please others and inconvenience ourselves rather than them. Some people don't get it right and either put themselves and their SEN children under intolerable pressure. Others go too far the other way and get defensive rude and shouty.

There is a sweet spot though.

Don’t tell people not to be daft if you don’t like their reply to it, and all the more so when if was do obviously you who was being daft.

Oh it’s not like I didn’t “like it”

More… intrigued that someone was so thin skinned

but I appreciate you’re going through one hell of a tough time, so I’ll leave it here as didn’t know that when I first posted

@Sweetmelonff the fact you’re behaving the way you are is a good indication that I was right to be suspicious of you from your first reply to me.

but I appreciate you’re going through one hell of a tough time, so I’ll leave it here as didn’t know that when I first posted

Ive no idea what you’re talking about and I can only assume you’ve done a search on my username to see what, if anything you could find in order to play some kind of sick game on this thread. And that’s fine as it just shows what you are and that nothing about your posts are innocent.

@hattie43 how do you know. Do you live near me or something? I said the noise from the children's respite centre next to me just blends in with other noise?