Autistic child shouting/screaming in the garden

[SimplyStarry]

Autistic child is mine! Please can I have some options as I am very on edge. My son is autistic and non-verbal although he does say lots of words. I’ve recently moved house to a nice area, nice house, quiet neighbours. The garden is quite big and any sound tends to echo around. DS is a loud vocal stimmer - if he plays with water outside or spins my rotary line he shouts and does a loud, low AAAAGH! I’m hyper aware of how loud he is.

I’m next door (not joined) to an older couple with an immaculate garden, they do look after their grandchildren but I’m aware of how loud my son is when they are sitting out their garden. Joined onto my house is a family with 3 kids so not too bad.

He only goes out after 10am and I make sure he’s in early. We do go out a lot so he’s not out all the time.

I try and tell him to be a bit quieter and distract him too. I’m concerned that a neighbour might complain. What would you do?

Thank you.

He still has every right to be there
People do all sorts in their gardens ,argue ,smoke have barbecue, s but it's their garden so you dont get to tell people what they can and can't do in them, the Op is being reasonable,by ensuring he doesn't gonout before 10 am etc.
Unless you want all disabled people locked up you have to accept they are part of the community.

Our NDN's have got a young boy I suspect is on the spectrum and he's a nightmare for screaming when he's outside. We usually have to come in and shut the windows/put a fan on so we can hear ourselves think. It's most evenings between 6pm and 9pm he's out there so we can't ever eat our tea outside which is annoying given we've just had a new patio built. But it is what it is. We just make sure we try and use it during the day at the weekends, and truthfully I don't envy the parents as they've now got a newborn as well. I wouldn't ever dream of complaining to them.

I think it's just polite to allow your neighbours some peace in their garden, they should get to enjoy their garden just as much as your son should get to enjoy his. There are plenty of selfish arseholes around that doesn't mean it's ok to be one!

If it's just water and clothes line play that get him very excited then perhaps just limit those. It sounds like you're considerate anyway so I'm sure it will be fine.

If your neighbours are busy gardening then i wouldn't worry about the noise at all, if they're clearly trying to relax then I'd try to respect that.

A note will let them know it’s not just a you cnba to parent him.

However much as people on MN like to say if people don’t want loud noise they should live in the middle of know where that’s the same for those who wish or need to make lots of noise.

People need to be neighbourly and that goes both ways. Also neighbours themselves could have sen and a child like ops could be a huge trigger, or the neighbours could have a hobby that’s a huge trigger for the child.

I couldn’t enjoy my garden with screaming children next door Sen or no Sen but with a note I’d know you wasn’t a shit parent.

However that wouldn’t stop me wishing he wasn’t outside all day every day if that’s what the situation was. It also wouldn’t stop me being on edge when it is peaceful in my garden basically waiting for the next loud instance.

A good hedge can help quiet noise obviously it won’t stop it but it does create a slight softener.

You don't need to write a note! You and your son aren't doing anything wrong, so no need to apologise or explain. My children and I recently moved to a terraced house with a lot of older neighbours and are surprised by all the passive aggressive grumbling we have received about the sounds of them playing and practicing their musical instruments. I don't know why they feel entitled to silence in an urban area! They can move to the country if they want that.

She is
Her child has as much right to be in his garden as the neighbours
A FYI Being disabled doesn't make somone a selfish arsehole.

OP I'm in the position of your neighbours (except my house is joined). My neighbour's child is autistic and non-verbal and makes a lot of noise through day and night. The neighbours mentioned the diagnosis when they moved in and although it can be disruptive I certainly never hold it against them and completely understand it's out of their control. I would hoped your neighbours would be the same.

@FattyMcFattyArse, @bigkicks I think the same way. If I sent a note apologising or explaining my kids disabilities, id be giving them the opportunity to express an opinion.

We live in a terrace. I have social anxiety, so I suppose you would consider that I am 'set on peace and quiet'. I would like nothing more than to live "further out of town" but we can't afford to move.

I have to say, that’s a new one.

Take your washing line down if it’s making your child too happy.

Jesus wept 😂

I agree with writing to them most people under the circumstances would be understanding aslong as they know

If your neighbours are already aware of your child’s situation, then I don’t think you need to write them a card. Perhaps have a little word if you see them, gauge the lay of the land. Perhaps say to them, if there’s ever any real problem, to let you know. Maybe give them your number so they can text you.

Between 10am and 5pm, and not every single day, it's fine. It's clear he's autistic. Please don't stress yourself. Your autistic son also deserves to enjoy his garden from time to time as your neighbours do.
If they are decent people they'll understand that.
It sounds like you are trying to be as considerate as possible. That's great but it's also true that autistic people exist in the world and sometimes they make a lot of noise and we all just have to deal with that. And I say this as someone who works nights! If I could hear a clearly autistic child outside shouting in their own garden I absolutely would not hold it against the parents.. unless it was going on 24/7. It may disrupt my sleep but that's life!

We’ve got one. He’s a daily misery no one deserves.

OP, you’re doing exactly the right techniques; people are much more liable to be nice if they can also hear you being proactive in keeping the noise down.

Everyone has their burdens - you’re not alone - and sad as it is to say, DS’s desire to hoot cannot outweigh 400 people’s need to enjoy their lives.

Intolerance and setting boundaries are not a problem for many, many things. ‘He can’t help it’ can’t change that.

Have you got an autistic child, or a noisy autistic neighbour?

I have neighbours who are deaf and shout/chat. If they're out in their garden, I have to wear earbuds if I want to read because I can't block it out. I can hear them indoors too.

Other neighbours shout loudly at their kids, and the kids scream as a result.

Other neighbour play loud music at times and has a winchime which is a form of torture for me.

Honestly, unless you live away from people, it's all just part and parcel. You are trying to be considerate at least. None of mine are!

The awful truth is that DS doesn’t. No one does.

Communities live by mutual
respect.

Autistic DC need that respect a bucketload more than the rest of us do.

Show some. Or strangers might take this poster’s me-me-me attitude and inflict it on your son. Would DS enjoy that?

DS6 is AuDHD and we have explained this to our neighbours. They are all very tolerant and understanding.

I think if it is due to disability and you’ve explained this then that’s all you can do. I will try to quieten DS down but he truly can’t regulate volume at all. If he’s being particularly disruptive then I’ll distract him with something indoors. But there’s only so much that can be done.

This is a really good idea.

No, I'm not a troll. I'm just someone with a different opinion to yours. I don't think there's anything wrong with tact and caring communication. I just don't think communities should be expected to live in silence, or that OP should be apologetic.

We had this. Neighbour’s moved in and they built a 6ft fence. Turned out they were worried son would disturb, scare our kids. If I’d have known I could have said not to even think about it. We’d sort our children’s emotions.

I agree with @BettysRoasties. We live in a terrace and neighbors a few doors down have an autistic son. He sometimes has loud meltdowns and if I didn't know why, I’d honestly be concerned about domestic violence.

Explaining the situation to your neighbors isn’t apologizing for your DS, it’s simply letting them know.

You either have a SENd child that you referred to as a “daily misery nobody deserves,” or you referred to someone else’s like that.

I have already asked which way round that is?

I think thats how I feel. I heard the noises and found them very distressing before I worked out what it was. If my neighbours had explained I would have been understanding straight away. It’s distressing to hear, but I completely understand it’s even harder for the child and family. Interestingly another neighbour has asked me about this