DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

[Evkopk]

My sister’s phone had died and she needed to check her emails so asked to use mine. I was using mine so I unlocked my husband’s phone for her. My DH came downstairs and saw DS scrolling through his photos and ripped the phone from her hand.
He has since refused to talk to me and has deleted and blocked me from his phone, including the family groups.
Ive apologised but he doesn’t want to hear it. I am being unreasonable to think he should get over it? It’s been 2 weeks where he has refused to speak to me, nor can I contact him via his phone.

Well he certainly should not be ignoring you two weeks in but why on earth did you give her his phone? Phones are private and should only be used by those the owner deems suitable.

Really inappropriate to give her your DHs phone. I would be livid, it’s a massive invasion of privacy. He shouldn’t be still carrying it on two weeks later though, you should have the fight and move on.

That’s a gross invasion of his privacy. Whether or not there’s something inappropriate, his phone is his own and there’s no way I would want another family member accessing it. She wasn’t using it for emails, she was snooping in his photos.
There’s no way you should have allowed this. He’s right to be annoyed and you could have irrevocably broken his trust.
Two weeks is a long time but if you’re acting like you’ve done nothing wrong I can see his point. You need to apologise immediately.

There nothing on my phone but I’m guarded about it

you just don’t do this you for giving it to her and for her to be looking through it with you watching

I’d be fuming and changing passwords on everything but the wouldn’t be silent for 2 weeks over it

also you don’t even seem to realise it was wrong

Also as an AIBU “DH blames me” of course he blames you it’s your fault !

I hope he told his sister off too! I’d never give my DH’s phone to anyone, so you were wrong to do that (a quick phone call ok then she could hand the phone back) but she’s really in the wrong for looking through his stuff.

Her phone died and she needed to check her emails…. Yeah right try again. …..Was the battery dead if so she can just wait till it charges?!?! …. If it was a really urgent email you should have let her use your phone

you were both snooping and now you are trying to play the victim

So, you shouldn't have done it but a fortnight later? What's he hiding. It must have been something to warrant such an extreme reaction.

That aside, you need to ask him how long he's going to keep it up for. What does he expect from you?

You were in the wrong definitely but he’s now being a dick to carry this on after two weeks and refuse to engage in conversation. Have you not spoken at all? Has he moved out over it?

This. I'm not buying it either.

Has your sister given any insight into went she decided to go through his photos?!
I'd be fuming if my DH gave my phone to my BIL to nose through.

You shouldn't have given your sister his phone. She shouldn't have snooped through it. Your husband shouldn't be giving you the silent treatment for weeks.

What's thw back story?

I think this is just a cover story for OP and her sister to go through his phone.

What were you looking for really OP?

I am fairly chilled about these things, but you must know that phones are like handbags - you don’t rummage through other peoples without permission. You should have given your sister your phone. She she not have been looking at his pictures.

You behaved badly - have you apologised properly? Really?

If not, do that.

Once you have, give it a week and then tell him relations have to return to normal or your marriage will be in trouble

you were way out of line

Yes, it's a pretty pathetic excuse for snooping on her own husband.

If he hasn’t spoken to you for a fortnight: this might actually have been a final straw for him and he’s planning to leave.

And part of me understands: how dare you invade his privacy like that

Why wouldn't she just plug her charger in if these emails were so important?

You were both snooping on him. I'd be done with you too

It wasn’t even his sister - it was the OP’s sister. He shouldn’t be not speaking to you for 2 weeks, but giving your sister his phone was absolutely outrageous.

Unless someone urgently needs to check an email - i.e. at an airport for a boarding pass - there are very, very few reasons why anyone would need to borrow someone else's phone to perform that activity. Couldn't she have just waited for it to charge? Looks like an excuse to snoop and I wouldn't be at all surprised if your husband saw it that way as well. Have you really apologised? Really sat down and talked through your bad judgement call? Said how you intend to make it up to him or how you would make a different choice in the future? Or have you just given a surface level 'sorry' and are then are expecting him to accept it and for everything else to immediately go back to how it was?

Silent treatment is not helpful and is a passive aggressive form of punishment. It's an immature response to being unhappy with something and being unable to deal with the feelings that come with that. But equally if someone is deeply offended you can't force someone to talk, but you can choose how you react.
You need to properly acknowledge what you did - invaded his privacy, broke his trust. He might not want to talk to you because you are taking this far too lightly and as if he is the one in the wrong. He's not. You and your sister are.

Put it this way, how would you like his brother going through your phone?

if the answer is I would not like it very much, then you have your answer for his reaction.

i really wish people would trying being I the other persons shoes before asking is xyz right to do this.

I really don't get all the cloak and dagger stuff.
I mean what exactly does he have in his photos that he wouldn't want his daughter to see??!! I'd be very suspicious of his reaction which is over the top.
Me and DH will use each others phones on occasions and I regularly hand mine over for DC to do something.
We've just come back from family holiday and we've all scrolled through the photos taken on each others phones, albeit with permission.
So I really don't know why he has had such an extreme reaction and is still sulking 2 weeks later.

If it was really really important that she needed to check her emails right that minute, you should've handed her yours 😳

You don't go giving out people's private phones.

Not his daughter, but wife’s sister

It was his sister-in-law

Not his daughter.