DS went through DH phone. DH blames me

[Evkopk]

My sister’s phone had died and she needed to check her emails so asked to use mine. I was using mine so I unlocked my husband’s phone for her. My DH came downstairs and saw DS scrolling through his photos and ripped the phone from her hand.
He has since refused to talk to me and has deleted and blocked me from his phone, including the family groups.
Ive apologised but he doesn’t want to hear it. I am being unreasonable to think he should get over it? It’s been 2 weeks where he has refused to speak to me, nor can I contact him via his phone.

So how would you feel if the store assistant started going through your photos or messages instead?

Everyone should be entitled to privacy.
It doesn’t mean you’re hiding anything.

How would you feel if someone read your diary or MN posts.

The assistant at pets at home wasn't nosing through your photos was she?!
It doesn't matter what's on our phones. It's private. My search history, my ChatGPT logs, my photos, my messages and my screenshots are MY business. My DH wouldn't look at any of them without my permission, it's as rude as flicking through a diary or perusing a handbag would have been in the days when people wrote in diaries and carried handbags.

What in the hell were you thinking? I would have been furious with both of you. And I probably wouldn't have been over it quickly.

I have no issue with my DH or DD using my phone but I'd be bloody angry if DH gave it to his sibling or DD gave it to her boyfriend to use without my permission.

I too would have given it to a shop assistant if necessary to put an app on buy with me watching them. If they had then decided to go through my photos I'd have had them fired (although I am sure they wouldn't have been so rude or at all interested) and I think you probably would have too.

Were you/sister looking for evidence of cheating?

The fact he’s giving you the silent treatment for two weeks suggests that your relationship is already in a very poor way and you don’t need evidence of infidelity to start divorce proceedings.

Leave and don’t look back.

Personally I have photos of myself in my underwear on my phone because I'm tracking my appearance while I lose weight, and I've also definitely taken photos of my fanny before when I had a weird thing I needed to look at and couldn't see in a mirror. Some consenting adults in relationships also like to send each other spicy pics from time to time. He doesn't need to have been concealing an affair for there to be photos that were private and he should have had the expectation of privacy around them.

You breached your husband’s trust and your sister is downright nasty for going through his photos. The pair of you should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.

From his reaction I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you or you and your sister have ridden rough his over him.

I would be questioning the relationship if I was him as you and your sister appear to be a right couple of bullies.

I put YANBU because although you shouldn't have given his phone to your sister, it's a small thing and 2 weeks of silent treatment is bang out of order.

You and your DSis were completely out of order. I can’t think of any circumstances where my DSis would consider looking through my DH’s phone or where I would look through my DBIL’s phone. It was an invasion of privacy, definitely.

Did you and your DSis apologise profusely to your DH? That’s what you should do. It’s no guarantee that he’ll forgive you, though; his behaviour suggests that he sees the marriage as being over.

I'm really shocked at all the replied siding with DH on this. I would definitely use my husband's phone if it was closest to me if I wanted to Google something etc, and he would do the same with me. The snooping isn't acceptable obviously but I see no issue with the rest of it. A phone is not a sacred object.

Huge invasion of privacy to give your adult sister your DH’s phone. Really odd thing to do.

But his reaction is way OTT.

It was her sister using it and going through his photos. Not OP. Completely out of order.

I wouldn’t want my husband to enter my passcode and hand my phone to his sibling for her to snoop on. I suspect most people wouldn’t.

But are you shocked at the replies to the OP's particular scenario where she opened her husband's phone, lent it to her sister (instead of lending her own) and then her sister snooped through it?

But that is NOT WHAT HAPPENED is it?

I would also use my husbands phone. What I wouldn’t do is then give it to another adult to just casually nose through.

This isn’t about a wife looking through her husband’s phone. It’s about unlocking someone’s phone and then giving it to someone else to have free rein with.

its not for anyone else to say whether hes being unreasonable in his feelings about it. If my husband had handed MY phone to his relative because he was already playing on his own phone, and then they went through my personal stuff, id be fucking livid. I would feel disrespected and like my privacy wasnt a big deal to him. Id be furious with the family member too for being so nosy.
I think it would fundamentally change how I felt about someone

This is what happened. Spot on.

I would feel disrespected and like my privacy wasnt a big deal to him. Id be furious with the family member too for being so nosy. I think it would fundamentally change how I felt about someone

Same.

You were out of order giving your sister DH's phone.

She was out of order scrolling through his photos.

He was reasonable to have been annoyed at the time - and it was your fault.

But not talking to you two weeks later is unreasonable. Begs the question "What's on his phone" and is he using this issue as a convenient way to start making tracks out of the relationship.

You are totally in the wrong for giving your sister access to your husband's phone, he should have decided whether or not she could use it to check her emails.

Why was your sister scrolling through his phone when she had apparently only wanted to check her own emails? Did you not call your sister out on this?

I am not surprised your husband has locked you out of his phone, you can't be trusted to respect his privacy.

I don't agree with the silent treatment though and especially not for two weeks as that never resolves anything.

Or maybe he's considering his options for the relationship because his wife and her nosy sister have no regard for his privacy.

I would be absolutely livid if my partner had taken my phone, and even more to give it to someone else to go through my private photos and files.

I dont' like the over-reactions on here usually, but if I was your husband, I am not sure I would forgive you - and I would remove your DS out of my life.

My whatsapp photos are saved automatically on my phone, so all the photos my friends send me are also on there - and vice-versa. It's private, personal, it's outrageous to allow someone to snoop.

You should beg for forgiveness but you don't deserve it.

Two weeks later?
Your marriage is clearly over.
Toxic.

You were very wrong to unlock his phone for your sister.
So wrong.
Such a violation of his privacy.
I'd be livid if my husband did this to me.
I have nothing to hide, but I would be beyond livid.

what a ridiculous post.

I am team husband. Instead of cheating, I have photos of me in my underwear (tracking body weight like the poster above), photos of my friends in their underwear (same thing, measuring and showing weight loss progress), private photos of my friends related to their pregnancy, scan, and a lot of very private matters we trust each other with.

If you are so insecure you need to snoop, it's your problem, you are in the wrong, not the owner of the phone.

I would be livid in his shoes