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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
YesHonestly · 23/08/2025 20:49

God he sounds vile.

Pinkballoon5 · 23/08/2025 20:51

Was about to say exactly that

Hoppinggreen · 23/08/2025 20:51

Why do you want some "us time" with this awful man?

Electricrhubarb · 23/08/2025 20:52

He is horrible op - sending you hugs xx

Whatareyoutalkingaboutnow · 23/08/2025 20:53

Sorry you are going through that.
Have you considered LTB? 🤔

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/08/2025 20:54

Sounds like you have the pick

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 23/08/2025 20:54

Ick

Mumptynumpty · 23/08/2025 20:54

He enjoys humiliating you in public.
Making you pay for not letting him do exactly what he wants.
Prioritising his mates over you.
Making sure your time is miserable.
He's also base.

What a catch.

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/08/2025 20:55

Ugh.

I'd let him have all the time he wants to watch football and fart - by dumping him.

RandomMess · 23/08/2025 20:56

Your are beneath football in his eyes, how does that make you feel?

fruitbrewhaha · 23/08/2025 20:57

I couldn’t be arsed with a man who is obsessed with football. Especially to the extent of it destroying actual relationships. Football isn’t real life.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/08/2025 20:57

He does sound grim but surely that’s just him as a person? Can’t see how his personality is new just for today. Volume on for the football wouldn’t bother me but I can see why you’re annoyed he clearly didn’t want to be there.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/08/2025 20:57

His behaviour sounds shit

However is shopping 'us time' that you both enjoy or something for you? And if something for you, do you do things with him that you have. I interest in?

SuperTrooper1111 · 23/08/2025 20:58

I wouldn't call shopping a nice couples thing to do. Busy shops, heaving crowds – hardly conducive to catching up. He was being annoying about the football but it is only the second weekend of the new season and if you're a fan, it's a big deal. But what would really give me the ick is him talking about you pooing in public and then farting in the queue. Is he 12?

Apocketfilledwithposies · 23/08/2025 20:59

Grim.

Does he have ANY redeeming qualities?!
And don't say oh he's a good dad. 🙄🤦

BeltaLodaLife · 23/08/2025 20:59

My boyfriend’s thing is rugby. Massive fan, season ticket holder, follows the team to different cities to go watch them. Big big fan.
But, if it comes down to a choice between rugby or time for us when we’ve been really busy and struggled to find time, he picks me without hesitation. He doesn’t complain, doesn’t act put out, doesn’t even check his phone for the score. We’ve been together a long time, so it’s not new relationship good behaviour stuff and I have kids so the reason we usually struggle to see each other is because I have kids, my fault… yet, he still happily gives up rugby when it’s in the way of a night together for us.

Your husband sounds like a dick.

Campingisnexttogodliness · 23/08/2025 20:59

Well when you go to bed wearing M&S pj's and a dressing gown tied tight tell him sex isn't on your mind when he acted like a sulking, smelly stupid teenager all day.

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 23/08/2025 20:59

I truly couldn’t be with someone like this. Just so depressing. You only get one life OP

RentalWoesNotFun · 23/08/2025 21:00

He prefers football to you. At least you know how low down he places you in his priorities.

Cherrysoup · 23/08/2025 21:01

He clearly didn’t want to go out with you and sulked. I would not want to go round shops with my Dh, he’d hate it. Whose choice/decision was it? I don’t think it’s wrong to want to spend time, but I’d be looking at something that interests you both. Asking if you’d had a shit in front of others is absolutely vile.

Noideawhatiam · 23/08/2025 21:01

I'm on the fence here, while his behaviour does sound childish and annoying, how much does he really enjoy shopping?
Your description makes it sound like he doesn't, and it wasn't really an "us day" but more a "you day" that he was expected to tag along to, a bit like him taking you to the football and calling it an "us day".
You're quite right that time together is important, but if it's a rare occasion you should make sure it's something that you will both enjoy.

Yellowbirdcage · 23/08/2025 21:01

Why spend time with someone who doesn’t want to be there? The shopping trip wasn’t his thing. I expect his thing wouldn’t be yours. Just do things you both want to do or go alone or with friends.

shiningstar2 · 23/08/2025 21:01

It makes me so sad to hear reactions like your friends op ...'give him some slack' It seems to me that in many relationships any and all 'slack' going goes to the men. Whatever their hobby . Gym, pub, cycling, golf football ..it always seems reasonable that they get all the spare time going when there's kids in the mix and it's always reasonable for add ons to the hobby ..oh I just had a couple of pints after the gym/football/golf ...don't nag. I've rarely seen women expecting, or getting the same level of consideration for their hobbies if it means the Dh/dp has to stay in and do the child care.

Shellyash · 23/08/2025 21:01

Sounds like he's early 20s at best?

KickHimInTheCrotch · 23/08/2025 21:04

Yes he sounds awful. But spending the day shopping, especially going back into a shop we'd already been in is not my idea of a nice date with a partner and a good use of precious child-free time. Shopping is a chore in my opinion. Was this something he had freely signed up to doing?

Either way he could have behaved a lot better and dropped the attitude.