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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 25/08/2025 08:57

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 21:56

Thanks everyone, more replies than I expected!

The shopping was a small part of the day really, infact when we picked the city to go to DH said they had a specific shop there which he wanted to look in. I went in only a couple of shops. He certainly wasn’t against this when we planned the day.

The football - it wasn’t his team on the tele. It’s hard to explain but it’s basically a score update show where there’s a few pundits in the studio and the latest score updates etc come through at the bottom. His team play in the third or fourth league so aren’t shown live much at all.

Usual behaviour? No major issues to be honest. He’s always walked the tight rope with how often he goes to football but he will look after the kids happily so I can do things with my friends too.

Oh, he'll look after the kids? HIS kids? I should think so!

Raise your bar. Why do women put up with this oafs?

nam3c4ang3 · 25/08/2025 09:01

Ffs he sounds like a twat. What are his good points? Is this the type of guy you really want your children emulating. He sounds like a child. God it’s depressing how low the bar is set sometimes.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/08/2025 09:09

Next time you want to do something would you be happy to give it up and traipse around with your husband? Or would you feel a bit resentful?

I had the choice of picking up some overtime today but my dp wanted me to spend the day with him. So far we've got no plans and we're both sat doing nothing. So, I understand a bit how your dh feels. He should have hidden his resentment and pretended to enjoy himself just to appease you though.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/08/2025 09:17

EveningSpread · 23/08/2025 21:39

And it’s funny that your friends say “he’s a bloke, that’s what they’re like”. It’s just not true. A lot of men are like that, yes. But they’re a particular type, and there are lots of others! My DP thinks men like this are embarrassing babies. He discusses men who use football or golf as a way to avoid their families with amusement and horror. He wonders how they maintain relationships, and feels sorry for the woman who’s inevitably holding it all together.

So does your dh not have a hobby or does he just hang around you telling you things you want to hear?

GiraffesAtThePark · 25/08/2025 15:43

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 25/08/2025 09:09

Next time you want to do something would you be happy to give it up and traipse around with your husband? Or would you feel a bit resentful?

I had the choice of picking up some overtime today but my dp wanted me to spend the day with him. So far we've got no plans and we're both sat doing nothing. So, I understand a bit how your dh feels. He should have hidden his resentment and pretended to enjoy himself just to appease you though.

But they agreed what they wanted to do and he wanted to go to a shop too. If he didn’t want to go he could have spoken up. Just like if you didn’t want to spend time with your partner. I don’t get being resentful unless you were promised some day you didn’t get.

Granddama · 10/01/2026 15:52

Why did you choose such an awful 'together' activity in the first place? You have to take some blame for this.My Best Beloved would rather have teeth pulled than go shopping! Could have gone tenpin bowling, or a cinema or even a zoo. Sorry but I think modern expectations in relationships really annoy me. ME Time; YOU Time; Family time? A marriage is a healthy partnerships where these things happen without all these 'arrangements,' So he goes to football. Why not do something you enjoy while he's out instead of acting like a neglected 'poor me.'

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