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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 23/08/2025 21:24

Same, shopping isn't an 'us' activity for DH and me, it would be a necessity and a rare occasion. However, he wouldn't act like the OP's who sounds like a mixture of toddler/teenager/twat and obviously doesn't have much/any? respect for her.

Theunamedcat · 23/08/2025 21:25

What do you usually do when he watches football?

He sounds like a total dick to be honest awww the game is oooonnn let's not do our pre planned activities and shout at the TV instead

How...un..attractive

TheBeesTrees · 23/08/2025 21:25

If my dh wanted to watch a match, which is only important matches generally, then we would plan the day around that. Either get home for it, or plan a pub lunch so he could watch it. Or he goes to match and I have some down time on my own then enjoy dinner later on.

I also wouldnt bring him shopping cos he hates it and that would be a day out for me not for us.

However, he still sounds like an arse. He should have communicated to you if the match was important and not acted like a spoilt child

Stressybetty · 23/08/2025 21:27

Yeah he wanted to be at the football and behaved like an arse in retaliation. He should have been honest with you from the start about the football. Doesn't excuse his appalling behaviour though.

Notmyreality · 23/08/2025 21:28

You married a football obsessed child. Sounds like a 13 yo. Never understood these
women who marry these type of immature men. There are others out there who have actually grown up you know?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/08/2025 21:29

Stressybetty · 23/08/2025 21:27

Yeah he wanted to be at the football and behaved like an arse in retaliation. He should have been honest with you from the start about the football. Doesn't excuse his appalling behaviour though.

He told her at the start of the day about the football

EasySqueezy · 23/08/2025 21:29

He sounds an arse.

Thisisbetweenyoumeandtheinternet · 23/08/2025 21:31

Eurgh you must have known he was like that before now? Sounds like a little pathetic boy.

jetlag92 · 23/08/2025 21:31

You did take him shopping, my DH would hate that. Do you have any interests in common? If not, let him go to the football 1 x month and then you go out with mates 1 x month and then you do something in the evening a couple of times a month.

My DH doesn't even like football...

FridayFeelingmidweek · 23/08/2025 21:32

Firstly, he sounds awful. Why are you with him? Secondly, my exh started doing this before I found out about his affair. Basically trying to start an unnecessary row/problem so he could then call/meet other woman to moan.

kkloo · 23/08/2025 21:33

Are you attracted to this man? 😷

Knobbsa · 23/08/2025 21:35

Nasty low life scum and enjoys humiliating you.
He doesn't want to spend time with you and wants to punish you by making it as unpleasant as possible.

He is scum.
Your friends have a low bar too.
I hope you have family to support you.
Don't have any more children with this loser.
Mind you how you would have sex with him again is beyond me.

EveningSpread · 23/08/2025 21:35

A lot of men seem to prioritise football over everything, act like they dislike their wives, and generally behave like toddlers. Has he always been like this?

Starseeking · 23/08/2025 21:35

He sounds absolutely awful.

Plastictreees · 23/08/2025 21:35

He’s a pig. I couldn’t be attracted to someone with such Neanderthal behaviours.

Starlight7080 · 23/08/2025 21:36

So basically your relationship is not as important as football.
He takes you for granted and probably hoped you wouldn't want to spend the day together again anytime soon . Given his behaviour.

BabyCatFace · 23/08/2025 21:36

I wouldn't spend any time with anyone who behaved like this. He sounds like a prick.

ShoeeMcfee · 23/08/2025 21:36

He's crass and vulgar. I feel sorry for you, OP.

ButSheSaid · 23/08/2025 21:38

nomas · 23/08/2025 21:10

Don’t have kids with him.

It says in the OP that they have kids.

Such a knuckledragger can't be enjoyable or life enhancing to live with, surely.

Is this really someone you want to be around for your one life?

rwalker · 23/08/2025 21:38

I think the idea of shopping and being us time is the same as him taking you to a football match and passing it off as us time

the saying have you had a shut comment is grim
volume on tele not massive deal

farting in Que childish but funny

godmum56 · 23/08/2025 21:38

Apocketfilledwithposies · 23/08/2025 20:59

Grim.

Does he have ANY redeeming qualities?!
And don't say oh he's a good dad. 🙄🤦

This precisely

EveningSpread · 23/08/2025 21:39

And it’s funny that your friends say “he’s a bloke, that’s what they’re like”. It’s just not true. A lot of men are like that, yes. But they’re a particular type, and there are lots of others! My DP thinks men like this are embarrassing babies. He discusses men who use football or golf as a way to avoid their families with amusement and horror. He wonders how they maintain relationships, and feels sorry for the woman who’s inevitably holding it all together.

Notmyreality · 23/08/2025 21:40

EveningSpread · 23/08/2025 21:39

And it’s funny that your friends say “he’s a bloke, that’s what they’re like”. It’s just not true. A lot of men are like that, yes. But they’re a particular type, and there are lots of others! My DP thinks men like this are embarrassing babies. He discusses men who use football or golf as a way to avoid their families with amusement and horror. He wonders how they maintain relationships, and feels sorry for the woman who’s inevitably holding it all together.

Exactly.

Plastictreees · 23/08/2025 21:40

EveningSpread · 23/08/2025 21:39

And it’s funny that your friends say “he’s a bloke, that’s what they’re like”. It’s just not true. A lot of men are like that, yes. But they’re a particular type, and there are lots of others! My DP thinks men like this are embarrassing babies. He discusses men who use football or golf as a way to avoid their families with amusement and horror. He wonders how they maintain relationships, and feels sorry for the woman who’s inevitably holding it all together.

I agree. I hate ‘bloke’ culture. So does my DH.

whackamole666 · 23/08/2025 21:41

He sounds REALLY boring