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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
ChaliceinWonderland · 23/08/2025 22:33

My boyfriend took me shopping last week. Gifts, lunch, laughter. It was so... special..
Your day out was the opposite, he wanted nothing to do with making you happy
Therefore. , uuou must make a careful decision about who to spend time with, I suggest it is not this person, ever again.

SomewhatAnnoyed · 23/08/2025 22:36

Noideawhatiam · 23/08/2025 21:01

I'm on the fence here, while his behaviour does sound childish and annoying, how much does he really enjoy shopping?
Your description makes it sound like he doesn't, and it wasn't really an "us day" but more a "you day" that he was expected to tag along to, a bit like him taking you to the football and calling it an "us day".
You're quite right that time together is important, but if it's a rare occasion you should make sure it's something that you will both enjoy.

Yeah this, he sounds vile but was probably thinking why did he have to miss out on what he wanted to do to do something you exclusively wanted to do? And you didn’t ‘need’ to return to the shop and stand in a long queue- was totally your choice.

VeryStressedMum · 23/08/2025 22:39

You obviously would have known how much football meant to him before you married him and had children so it can't come as that much of a surprise to you, neither would his language and behaviour he would have been the same I assume so is it more of a problem now than it was then?

I wouldn't have chosen to go shopping as 'us' time as dh does not like shopping and it's not a fun day out but if he agreed to go then I wouldn't expect him to behave like a dick.

TheDandyLion · 23/08/2025 22:42

I used to have a sky sports boyfriend. It got boring real quick and I realised I deserved better. It's much better without him.

Chinsupmeloves · 23/08/2025 22:43

Long gone are the days we would go shopping together! I prefer to go on my own anyway.

DH a footy fan but doesn't put it before other things unless a special game but I still wouldn't go shopping with him lol 😆

BountifulPantry · 23/08/2025 22:54

What age is he?

Craftycorvid · 23/08/2025 22:56

Are you married to a teenager?

healthybychristmas · 23/08/2025 22:57

He is a really disgusting man. I don't know how you can live with him.

swampwitch0 · 23/08/2025 22:59

What a pig

Zanzara · 23/08/2025 23:01

He sounds like an utter neanderthal, with the manners of a churl.

Gimpee · 23/08/2025 23:03

Say to him as we did my thing this time you choose next time. I would say though in a relationship there are activities that one side will love the other hate. If you love someone it's about putting smile on face even if you hate the activity

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 23/08/2025 23:06

You need to tell him to grow up and be honest he didn’t want to go in the first place

I’d of left when he loudly yelled about the shit regardless. That behaviour isn’t on

TeaAndTattoos · 23/08/2025 23:11

God has he always been a disgusting knob. He sounds like a massive baby it was one match it wouldn’t have done him any harm missing it. Don’t know how you put up with him.

EmeraldDreams73 · 23/08/2025 23:11

God, he sounds dreadful

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/08/2025 23:12

He does sound vile and totally inconsiderate. I wouldn’t want to spend time with someone like that!

However, I do also think shopping is an odd choice for “us time”. Maybe that’s just me but sounds like he’s not a fan either.

JudgeJ · 23/08/2025 23:19

YesHonestly · 23/08/2025 20:49

God he sounds vile.

Maybe he didn't want to be dragged round the shops all day, if the OP wanted time together maybe she could have gone to the football to be with him! It's not only women who get to set the family agenda. Personally I'd rather stare at a blank wall that walk round town, what a boring waste of a day.

Lalgarh · 23/08/2025 23:21

JifNtGif · 23/08/2025 22:00

Listen. He's a city fan and they were awful today. You dragged him around town when he wanted to watch the match. He should have been honest and said he didn't want to go, but you should have probably known there was a big match on if he's the type to let football results affect his mood. You probably need to ask him his opinion first before arranging a day out that only you wanted and centred around your needs.

She has literally said His team were not playing today.

"The football - it wasn’t his team on the tele. It’s hard to explain but it’s basically a score update show where there’s a few pundits in the studio and the latest score updates etc come through at the bottom. His team play in the third or fourth league so aren’t shown live much at all...."

So basically he's in a strop BC he couldn't see football focus or possibly Match of the day or whatever it is on sky. And he wanted to actually go to the shop

aWeeCornishPastie · 23/08/2025 23:22

H sounds utterly awful I would dump him

JifNtGif · 23/08/2025 23:26

Lalgarh · 23/08/2025 23:21

She has literally said His team were not playing today.

"The football - it wasn’t his team on the tele. It’s hard to explain but it’s basically a score update show where there’s a few pundits in the studio and the latest score updates etc come through at the bottom. His team play in the third or fourth league so aren’t shown live much at all...."

So basically he's in a strop BC he couldn't see football focus or possibly Match of the day or whatever it is on sky. And he wanted to actually go to the shop

Actually she's referring to sky sports news, his team were playing live and he wanted to check the live score. She literally has said his team were playing today. Try understanding the post before commenting next time!

Flamingoknees · 23/08/2025 23:26

Repulsive

FunMustard · 23/08/2025 23:26

"Shopping is boring"

Then maybe he should have put his big boy pants on and told his wife that, and suggested something else. Go to the cinema, go out for lunch, go to a gallery, stay in and shag all afternoon while the kids are with granny.

Why the fuck do we just accept partners behaving like petulant children because we want to spend time with them and they are too fucking stupid to say "I don't want to do that, let's do X instead"?

I'd be upset as well, but then I've told my husband in public to get the bus home if he's going to act like a miserable twat, if he doesn't want to be there then go away.

AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMomentInTime · 23/08/2025 23:28

He'd rather be watching football again with his mates then spending time with you. And since he 'couldn't', he decided to be an absolute dick all day.

Does he have any good qualities? Because he sounds immature and selfish.

Gimpee · 23/08/2025 23:29

I think the comment about using toilet showed what he was like, embarrassing her in public that is nasty

Lalgarh · 23/08/2025 23:31

Take him to see magic mike on your next couples day

FunMustard · 23/08/2025 23:32

JudgeJ · 23/08/2025 23:19

Maybe he didn't want to be dragged round the shops all day, if the OP wanted time together maybe she could have gone to the football to be with him! It's not only women who get to set the family agenda. Personally I'd rather stare at a blank wall that walk round town, what a boring waste of a day.

So you would agree to do that then, and then behave like an utter twat all afternoon? Or would you say to your significant other "let's do something else?"

God the bar is so low that some will excuse men for absolutely fucking everything.

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