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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 23/08/2025 21:41

Just because all your friends are also with losers, it doesn’t mean it’s ok.

no one here knows where you are logistically or financially on divorce but I would say this

your time today with your dh is what it’s going to be like now. I would find it highly improbable that you would have a better time with him on any day out than you would either on your own or with a friend/s.

so many women stay with men who treat them like shit. And whilst it’s their choice to, it sends a message to children that this is how men treat women and they should accept it.

GCAcademic · 23/08/2025 21:41

Unlichtie · 23/08/2025 21:09

😂 could imagine my DH reaction if we got a bit of "rare us time" and I dragged him round the shops.

Would he behave like a disgusting pig?

Or would he act like the grown adult that he is and suggest an alternative activity that you would both enjoy?

Imabitbusyatthemoment · 23/08/2025 21:44

Gross.

Starzinsky · 23/08/2025 21:45

Was he given a choice?

BotterMon · 23/08/2025 21:47

What a nasty man he is but your day sounds incredibly boring too. Pub with sports screens? Was this for your nice lunch??

theGooHasGone · 23/08/2025 21:47

Agreed he's a dick, but it also sounds like you're pretty much forcing him to do what you want for a day out. Sounds like that part just isn't compatible and you'd be better off cutting your losses and enjoying yourself rather than trying to make him enjoy what you do.

Alltheyellowbirds · 23/08/2025 21:48

God with some of these men football is like an actual addiction. Sulking about spending rare quality time with his wife because he’s missing watching a game on TV? Then sulking again because his team lost? I’m so sorry OP. You are very definitely not being unreasonable.

Noelshighflyingturds · 23/08/2025 21:48

Please tell me you don’t have children with him

mumandgran24 · 23/08/2025 21:48

Tbf my hubby loves shopping so a day shopping with lunch out he would be very happy with lol.

Been married nearly 30 years and still love having time together. OPs hubby doesn’t really sound like he enjoys her company at all.

Lilactimes · 23/08/2025 21:52

Sounds simply shite and I’m glad I’m a loan parent and can spend lovely time with my friends and DD. Sorry OP but what a grim man x

DirtyBird · 23/08/2025 21:54

The last example proves he has contempt for you. Not sure if there’s a way back from that.

blizymitzy · 23/08/2025 21:56

you deserve so much more than this.
why are you settling for such disrespectful and unkind behaviour ?

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 21:56

Thanks everyone, more replies than I expected!

The shopping was a small part of the day really, infact when we picked the city to go to DH said they had a specific shop there which he wanted to look in. I went in only a couple of shops. He certainly wasn’t against this when we planned the day.

The football - it wasn’t his team on the tele. It’s hard to explain but it’s basically a score update show where there’s a few pundits in the studio and the latest score updates etc come through at the bottom. His team play in the third or fourth league so aren’t shown live much at all.

Usual behaviour? No major issues to be honest. He’s always walked the tight rope with how often he goes to football but he will look after the kids happily so I can do things with my friends too.

OP posts:
ObtuseMoose · 23/08/2025 21:56

I can't believe so many people are excusing his behaviour because it was a day shopping, I bet he'd have been sulky and embarrassing to be with no matter the activity. He sounds absolutely charmless and thick to boot.

AngryBookworm · 23/08/2025 21:57

Toomanywaterbottles · 23/08/2025 21:19

How on earth is going shopping a nice thing to do as a couple? He’s bored stiff, as most people would be, and he’s missing the football. He’s spent half the day waiting for you to go to the loo and the other half queuing in shops. Obviously, he hasn’t behaved well, but you really pushed this. I’m not a football fan but even I would have rather watched football on my day off than do what you did.

OP's husband has entered the chat. How dare she go to the loo once during a day out, eh?

user1476613140 · 23/08/2025 21:57

Shopping is boring 😴 that part I don't blame him for....but trumping? In public?

DH treated me to a lunch out in our nearest city this week. Fancy restaurant as well. He had put a lot if thought into the venue and surrounding area to walk in before hand. It was lovely as we have not had any time as a couple for months.

Tell your DH it isn't good enough. Football can wait for a day.

AngelicKaty · 23/08/2025 21:57

@Footballwidow25 He sounds like an ignorant, selfish, immature bore. Can you remember why you married him?

sandwichlover93 · 23/08/2025 21:58

Your friends need to grow backbones, they don’t sound like people you should be going to for advice.

I just don’t think I could get past this type of behaviour unless it’s a crazy one off and he’s normally an amazing partner.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 23/08/2025 21:58

He sounds like a total dickhead.

However, your idea of a good day may not be the same as his.

Sounds boring to me. That does not excuse his behaviour though. What a twat.

JifNtGif · 23/08/2025 22:00

Listen. He's a city fan and they were awful today. You dragged him around town when he wanted to watch the match. He should have been honest and said he didn't want to go, but you should have probably known there was a big match on if he's the type to let football results affect his mood. You probably need to ask him his opinion first before arranging a day out that only you wanted and centred around your needs.

MyLimeGuide · 23/08/2025 22:01

He sounds like a big turd.

Gowlett · 23/08/2025 22:02

This reminds of the time we went on a lovely day out while on holiday, boat trip to a neighbouring island. I enjoyed having a nice breakfast, mooching in shops, ice cream, coffee& cake, drinks, a nice swim… Being free & easy in the sunshine.

I’m not sure what he had planned to actually do on this day out… But he fully tried to ruin everything with his Kevin the Teenager antics. I took no notice! Would have been nicer for him, too, if he’d joined in the fun. Or pissed off & watched footie!

Plastictreees · 23/08/2025 22:04

So from your latest update OP, it seems this is usual behaviour for him?

Blinky21 · 23/08/2025 22:04

An adult man should not do any of what you've described, he sounds terrible, sorry

TheCurious0range · 23/08/2025 22:04

He sounds immature, but us time should be something you both enjoy doing, did he want to go shopping? DH wouldn't, we go shopping but it's not a fun day out for him. If we were having us time we'd do something more fun