Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

256 replies

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 20:49

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

OP posts:
OfficerChurlish · 23/08/2025 22:04

I'd have to ask him why he acted the way he did. While it sounds from your update like both of you wanted and mutually planned the day out, his behaviour sounds more like he didn't want to be there for whatever reason and resented "having" to go.

He could have told you he didn't want to go and wouldn't be good company, or he could have behaved decently. The fact that he acted like a naughty eight year old isn't a good reflection on him no matter how miserable he was. And your friends are wrong; men are just people and adult ones are perfectly capable of behaving civilly in public, treating their supposedly beloved partner decently even if they're in a bad mood, and making the best of what might not be their absolutely first choice of situation.

(Also, the answer to ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ is probably something like 'in the loo? No, but I apparently have an enormous one out here'.)

Noelshighflyingturds · 23/08/2025 22:06

Footballwidow25 · 23/08/2025 21:56

Thanks everyone, more replies than I expected!

The shopping was a small part of the day really, infact when we picked the city to go to DH said they had a specific shop there which he wanted to look in. I went in only a couple of shops. He certainly wasn’t against this when we planned the day.

The football - it wasn’t his team on the tele. It’s hard to explain but it’s basically a score update show where there’s a few pundits in the studio and the latest score updates etc come through at the bottom. His team play in the third or fourth league so aren’t shown live much at all.

Usual behaviour? No major issues to be honest. He’s always walked the tight rope with how often he goes to football but he will look after the kids happily so I can do things with my friends too.

Look after the kids ? Like kind of Babysitting to help you out, that’s nice

Takenocrapfromanyone · 23/08/2025 22:06

What a prize tosser you’ve got there 🤬

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 23/08/2025 22:06

If your DH watches football he is going to watch soccer Saturday with all the scores. This can't be new to you? He sounds horrible during the day, I don't understand the men and football thing, but my DH can be the same so we never do anything on Saturdays as it just isn't worth it, we'll do a some time together on any other day. Their mood is so affected by football it's ridiculous, but I know my DH and there is no point trying to change him

NoSoupForU · 23/08/2025 22:07

He sounds like an absolute tit. But how much input did he have into the day? Going shopping wouldn't be my idea of a nice day out and in all honesty I'd struggle to muster much enthusiasm for a day spent doing what I'd regard as a chore.

Franjipanl8r · 23/08/2025 22:07

I think this is a tough one - when you have kids and you’re exhausted, you can’t always be refreshed and at your best for couples time. Me and DH tend to try and do an activity rather than just hanging about - like a bike ride or game of tennis or something that’s a laugh. Mooching around together as parents when you’re both knackered isn’t always that fun.

SheridansPortSalut · 23/08/2025 22:07

He clearly didn't want to go. Your idea of a nice day was not his idea of a nice day.

It's no different to if he guilted you into watching the football with him and then complained that you weren't happy enough about it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/08/2025 22:08

JifNtGif · 23/08/2025 22:00

Listen. He's a city fan and they were awful today. You dragged him around town when he wanted to watch the match. He should have been honest and said he didn't want to go, but you should have probably known there was a big match on if he's the type to let football results affect his mood. You probably need to ask him his opinion first before arranging a day out that only you wanted and centred around your needs.

So presumably you missed the fact that his team is lower league, that he wasnt "dragged" anywhere and actually picked the place they went to as there was a particular shop he wanted to go to, and that they discussed and agreed the trip together?

My ex was a massive footie fan and while he would call his team a bunch of tossers if they lost, it would bein fun and it certainly wouldnt put him in a mood. Frankly anyone who allows someone else playing a game and losing to do that to their mood is a fucking embarrassment to themselves and the person they are with.

BellissimoGecko · 23/08/2025 22:09

He sounds absolutely horrible, and you deserve much, much better.

MumWifeOther · 23/08/2025 22:09

He sounds like a (ill mannered / spoil / bratty) boy. I would be absolutely furious and have ripped into him by now.

TottyMaude · 23/08/2025 22:09

Good God love, get rid

friendlycat · 23/08/2025 22:10

I’m sorry but you have terribly low standards to want to spend time with a man like this.

MySweetGeorgina · 23/08/2025 22:11

Why do you want “us time” with such an extremely unappealing person

there must be nice people in your life you could spend the day with?

or even live with 😁

Alltheyellowbirds · 23/08/2025 22:15

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 23/08/2025 22:06

If your DH watches football he is going to watch soccer Saturday with all the scores. This can't be new to you? He sounds horrible during the day, I don't understand the men and football thing, but my DH can be the same so we never do anything on Saturdays as it just isn't worth it, we'll do a some time together on any other day. Their mood is so affected by football it's ridiculous, but I know my DH and there is no point trying to change him

You think it’s ok to “never” do anything in a Saturday because your husband wants to sit and watch some scores? You get two days of weekend to spend as a couple/family, to have one of them ruled out every single week because your husband will sulk if he doesn’t get to sit in front of the tv really isn’t ok at all.

Bad enough to have a husband who plays footie every weekend, but to not be able to do anything together because he has to sit in front if the tv is shit. Especially when it’s not even a game - he could look up scores on his phone from wherever.

Wowwee1234 · 23/08/2025 22:15

So a nice day togethet, is you dragging him round the shops?
If he could pick how to spend a day with you, would he choose this? If he would, YANBU. If he would not, YABU.

It's not an enjoyable time together, if only one person is enjoying it.

JifNtGif · 23/08/2025 22:16

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/08/2025 22:08

So presumably you missed the fact that his team is lower league, that he wasnt "dragged" anywhere and actually picked the place they went to as there was a particular shop he wanted to go to, and that they discussed and agreed the trip together?

My ex was a massive footie fan and while he would call his team a bunch of tossers if they lost, it would bein fun and it certainly wouldnt put him in a mood. Frankly anyone who allows someone else playing a game and losing to do that to their mood is a fucking embarrassment to themselves and the person they are with.

Show quote history

You sound like the type to drag people unwillingly around shops! Nightmare!

dijonketchup · 23/08/2025 22:18

I am sorry as I know this is your real life, however I laughed out loud at the barman giving him the thumbs up, and also about his sneaky fart-and-run.

Over to him to plan your next couples day out if he didn’t enjoy it very much, I think. Date, activity, childcare, the lot. Though you might end up at the football… it could be fun?!

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/08/2025 22:19

JifNtGif · 23/08/2025 22:16

You sound like the type to drag people unwillingly around shops! Nightmare!

Show quote history

Actually no. Shopping is my worst nightmare. If I absolutely need an outfit I will work out what I want, work out the best place to get it, try two or three shops and if I cant I go home. For that reason most of my clothes are Tu or bought from amazon.

And again........what part of HE PICKED THE PLACE, HE WANTED TO GO TO A SHOP, and HE WAS PART OF THE PLANNING OF THE DAY did you miss? All of it I am guessing!

toxicjobrec · 23/08/2025 22:22

Ignore the posters telling you that your poor, henpecked, neanderthal husband was forced to go shopping with you. What an insult. If he felt so agrieved, he could have stayed home or suggested you do something else.

Weirdly, I was dating someone at the start of summer who did some of the juvenile things you described and was footy-obsessed. Things peaked when he decided to break wind whilst we were sitting in a pub(!) I calmly swigged the last of my drink and ended it there and then. This little prank dawned on me how he had absolutely no respect for me - and never would have. He was stunned.

Sadly, it sounds like your husband is also lacking in respect and class. So what will you do?!

Noshadelamp · 23/08/2025 22:25

I'm guessing you didn't force him to go? Because he's behaving like he had no say in it.

If he agreed to the date then he should have been all in.
If he didn't want to go that date, he should have spoken up and negotiated an alternative.

Like an adult.

Not behave so badly that you won't want to ask him again.

usedtobeaylis · 23/08/2025 22:26

He sounds like a boor and a bore who is trying to put you off spending days like this.

ChaliceinWonderland · 23/08/2025 22:28

You're better off alone

ChaliceinWonderland · 23/08/2025 22:28

You're better off alone

Bufftailed · 23/08/2025 22:30

He sounds awful.

PInkyStarfish · 23/08/2025 22:30

Well, he is absolutely ghastly but to be fair a lot of men don’t want to traipse around the shops.

His behaviour though is utterly revolting.