DH sabotaging a rare day out - at my wits end

[Footballwidow25]

DH and I haven’t had the chance for any ‘us’ time for a couple of months - mixture of family commitments with the kids and he has been at football two Saturday’s this month.

So today we had the chance to go to a city for a shop, some nice lunch and drinks and a general walk around for ‘us’ time.

The day started with DH moaning he was missing a ‘good’ football match which all his mates were going to.

He was then generally an absolute pain during the day. Nothing stand out but a selection of the most annoying things:

-I was using the toilet at the park and ride. This is indoors with a seating area where some other people were waiting. I was a few minutes in there (TOM - sorry if oversharing) and when I got out, he loudly said ‘fucking hell, were you having a shit?’ which was so embarrassing in front of a load of strangers.

-We went into a pub and the table we were sat on was surrounded by screens with a football update show on (the sky one where the scores appear at the bottom) but there was no sound. I nipped to the loo and when I got back, the sound was on really loud which I commented on as we were having to almost shout to hear each other. DH said he didn’t know why they put it on but 2 minutes later, the bar man gave him a thumbs up as if to say ‘is that okay mate’ and he admitted he requested the sound was put on.

-I needed to nip back into a shop before we went home to buy an item I saw earlier and was unsure on. DH’s team had lost so he was in a bit of a mood. He was stood next to me in the fairly long queue and then sheepishly walked off. It then absolutely stunk and he admitted after it was him and he found it hilarious.

The reason I’m posting, is I told a couple of my friends in our group chat how the day had gone and they were basically like ‘yeah, he’s a bloke and probably feels like he missed out on football with his mates to go shopping so cut him some slack’.

Am I overreacting as I feel he could have at least pretended to be interested in my company given how rare a day out for us is now!

If he didn’t want to go shopping then he should have voiced that. Instead, he went along and acted like a 15 year old. He sounds vile and I wouldn’t be rushing to have any more ‘us’ time anytime soon!

What's the point in being married if you don't enjoy doing things together?

Is that what it was like when you were dating? No, thought not.

So he’d rather watch Soccer Saturday than have a day out with you 😕
As a football fan I had a small amount of sympathy with him thinking he supported one of the teams who were being shown live yesterday and that he was being made to traipse round the shops, but firstly that’s clearly not the case and secondly, even if it was, that totally doesn’t justify that behaviour. The shit comment is horrible, he sounds like a proper oaf 🤢

Do you actually have anything in common?

He was a dickhead. But essentially, it sounds as if your idea of ‘us time’ is actually the sort of thing you like and he isn’t very interested in. I love going out for lunch… but I probably wouldn’t choose to do that on the day I could have gone to a big game for my team at the start of the season.

I’m not excusing his behaviour but I think maybe you’re just mismatched.

He obviously prefers to be out with his mates. You can either put up with it, stay together and build your own social life or get rid then he can spend his life with his pals.

Relationships require effort.

He doesn’t even respect you.

Yet another post about an absolutely vile man. Why on earth did you marry him. It can’t have been the first time he’s acted like this.

Willing to bet he's not got many friends either. Quite a lot outsource their socialising to their partners

Blimey he sounds a delight. Wouldn't it be better to keep your charitable actions confined to Oxfam donations rather than being with this man? Consider your options OP - he doesn't sound as though he will improve with age.

Are you married to a badly behaved 14 year old boy?

From what you’ve written your DH clearly values football and acting in a childish way (comments and fart) above you or your feelings.

Rather than challenge him with this can you just make the observation to him? Let him know this is what his behaviour is communicating.

I think a lot of men behave like sulky spoilt teenagers a lot of the time, usually when it comes to either sport or sex they are so predictable.
My exH would ruin every single outing for everyone if we hadn't had sex the night before.

Yep he sounds like a dick. I would say though that I never take my husband with me to shopping centres, even if he asks to come ill day no. I know he hates it and I much more fun on my own.,

Also, if he just wants to know the score for his team, he can set up push notifications. (BBC Sport does them but other platforms also must).

He does not need Sky Sports News turned up in a public place.

I read OPs description and it reminded me of this

Shopping isn’t my idea of a nice time. The meal and pub would be grand but not the shopping! I would have stayed in the pub while you went shopping!

I don’t think his behaviour sounds acceptable but I also think that days out/football/expectations need to be communicated before it gets to this situation.
I am a football fan so I do get how “important” it is to some people. My DH doesn’t like football but there are other things he loves that I am totally not interested in. He gets this but sometimes really wants me to join in (classical music concerts for example) and will sometimes say to me that he’d really like me to go to a certain one. I do it because I know it’s important to him even though it’s not something I would choose.
I would suggest talking to your DH about how you felt, ask him how he felt, and try to be honest about what matters to you.

I think a lot of men behave like sulky spoilt teenagers

Are you married to a badly behaved 14 year old boy?

This is unfair to 14 year old boys. My son never behaved like this. The comment when the OP came out of the loo was vile.

I see reading comprehension is lacking for other posters.

he agreed to the shopping, remember agreed to it.

Hes a grown up and should use his words if he didn’t want to go.

God the bar is low for some

This all day long. I find men who think football is the most important thing in the world to be utterly mind-numbing company. My DH likes football (men and women's) but if his team loses he sighs for a minute and then moves on with his life - because he has a mature sense of proportion, as all men should.

Which would be better than shouting about the OP having a shit and farting in queues.

it wasn’t a big game. It was regular gave and watching pundits talking in front of a screen

Good God. You're well rid there.

We would never want to spend both weekend days 'doing something together', we have friends and family and other things we each want to do. I do those on a Saturday and then we can spend Sunday together. Works for us 👍

The bar is very low for some. So many posters seem unconcerned by the horrible comment and the farting. And all those comments about that being the behaviour of a 14 year old boy.

I suppose if you [general you] set such low bars for your sons it's no wonder specimens like the OP's husband exist.