Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

I always put shorts on my dd when she wears a dress and she’s 3. It’s more for practicality side of things of her jumping about as I don’t want her underwear to be flashed.

I also wore shorts under skirts and dresses in primary school so my underwear wouldn’t be seen. I remember at 6, boys laughing in my class because they could go under the table and see the girls underwear.

Oh for goodness sake not all men are paedophiles, a "normal" man will not be having sexual thoughts about a child.

I always put DD in a pair of shorts, she had really bad balance and the strangest landings.
When she was 3 on holidays, she removed her underwear before we went out, I didn't know until we were in a restaurant, a woman approached very aggressive, assuming I brought DD outside purposely bare, since then she was doubled up.
There is a child sexual predator on every street, he's not wrong.

My wife does this.
I think she's batty but she's adamant.

i also put little shorts on my 4 year old under dresses and skirts. I don't feel like I want her underwear to exposed when playing. It's just personal preference. Inthink your husband is right although it was poorly expressed.

I put shorts under my 4 yo's skirts and dresses if she's going somewhere she might be moving around a lot. She's not very "lady like" so she tends to flash her underpants at the world when she's in skirts/dresses. Seems like the right thing to me

I was brought up with a lot of shame around clothes (and much more), which is probably adding to my confusion.

Can't belive I started the OP with 'In short' 🙈

It is possible to be aware, alert & cautious with your child, without being paranoid or letting it interfere with your life.

I find it difficult to believe all parents aren’t aware of the risk to children from men. Not all men 😳 but yes of course men present a risk to children that women don’t.

we can’t tell which men are dangerous by looking at them.

you know this.

Same...teachers at school have told the girls to put shorts on underneath to protect their dignity when playing, so (I haven't read past the first few posts) I was surprised at the replies here. I didn't even question the teacher's request because for example I wouldn't wear a dress with pants and no shorts it I was intending to do cartwheels all day or climb up a climbing frame etc

A few years ago I would have agreed the dad/husband was being very weird. Maybe even creepy. My eyes have been opened to the amount of men looking at and sharing child porn, and so I see the husband's point of view now. Things are so different in the age of the internet, even little boys are not safe.

Was your DD clambering around a lot on the ferry?

@RobinEllacotStrike agreed except the greatest risk is a parent who doesn't believe in CSA.

My daughters are now teens. They are confident happy girls with no hang ups about wearing shorts as a child. My 14 yo rolls her school skirt so short she still wears shorts to this day. She’s not confused or anxious about it.

one of the things I find interesting about parenting is how we can get taken back to our own childhood via our kids & not necessarily in a good way. Like your shame around clothes as a child - it might all have been brought to the surface again by your h’s comments. This can be quite overwhelming or discombobulating- it certainly can be for me.

This has happened to me a lot. It always feels like a shock and it can be quite difficult to navigate.

Absolutely 👍🏽

Yes they can be on a ferry

When my dd1 was a baby I saw a young girl in a buggy legs akimbo. Her pants were gaping & she was fully exposed to the world. Her parents didn’t have a clue. She was so exposed & so vulnerable & being wheeled around busy london streets. I can still feel my horror and concern now.

I never had any 2nd thoughts about sticking my kids in shorts if they weren’t wearing leggings or trousers. I found this hugely preferable to being worried or telling her to sit with her legs a certain way.

Why wouldn’t a paedophile catch a ferry? Or a bus? Or train? Or walk down the street?

do you think they live deep in caves and only come out on full moons or something?

I am not saying they cant be on a ferry. But do children clamber about on a ferry like they do in a park or at school?

Does one need to put shorts on girls at all times? When walking down the street or in a shopping mall? I am baffled that not putting shorts on girls = not believing in CSA.

Of course not all men are, no one is saying that they all are but some are. I can’t tell who ‘normal’ men are and neither can you.
I didn’t put shorts on my dds when they were small because it didn’t occur to me to do that neither did my dh mention it but maybe I should have.

100% when you have a 4 uear old girl, every man- especially that you dont know os a potential threat. The statistics speak for themselves, dont take chances.

What are these chances that the OP has taken exactly?

I don’t think the husband was being particularly rational I was just pointing out that yes they can be on a ferry.

I’m a primary school teacher and I’m always amazed by how many parents put little girls in shorts under a dress, especially in this hot weather. Absolutely make sure your little girl’s knickers are not skimpy but as long as their bits are covered then I absolutely think girls should not feel like they need to police their bodies for adults. We teach in school that anything covered by your underpants is private but if we’re now telling little girls that they need to do extra it’s very unfair and sexualises small girls. There’s nothing wrong with seeing a 4 year old’s knickers and as someone else pointed out, child abusers are interested in children in a sexual way whatever they happen to be wearing. Do what you feel comfortable with but I personally think your husband is being overly paranoid.

Depends, if she is bouncing around accidentally showing her underwear it's probably sensible as you never know who is taking photos or videos nowadays.

It's sad though that we need to think about this.