Pants under skirt for 4 year old - DH and I disagree

[Thatsnotmynamee]

In short, I just had a weird conversation with DH. Our 4 year old daughter was wearing a dress with pants under it today. We were on a short ferry journey, it was pretty packed. When back at our campsite, I realised DH had made her put on shorts underneath. He later told me he had felt extremely uncomfortable on the ferry, that there are paedophiles everywhere and he cannot bear the thought of a photo of her ending up in the wrong hands. He also said he's already noticed men looking at her?? I was shocked, completely taken aback - my mind just does not go there, am I ridiculously naive? (I don't post photos of her online btw apart from my private Instagram and never exposed.)
But I feel so grossed out by this, I wasn't able to discuss properly with DH. There's a part of me that wants to insist she doesn't need to wear shorts. Is he being rational?

My 3 year old wears shorts on under her dresses. My reason is because it's more comfortable for her and it means she can play freely without showing her pants. I teach all my kids (sons and daughter) that pants are private we dont show them ect.

A lot of people are saying paedophiles aren't everywhere whilst I agree but you also dont know where paedophiles are. From as young as I can remember, I remember being sexualised by strangers/ neighbours/ family friends so I guess I am more protective of my kids and this is always in the back of my mind particularly with my daughter/ but also my sons.

If what he said bothered you I would have a healthy conversation in your differences in opinions their might be a reason he is more "protective" than you.

Of course there are pedophiles on ferries. Do you think they DBS check people as they are embarking? And if one happened to be on your ferry they would probably have noticed your DD.

But assuming your 4 year old had a parent with her at all times there was no risk to her, shorts or no shorts.

Pedophiles are also allowed to go to beaches where children run around completely starkers FYI.

It's up to you as a parent to tread the line between keeping them safe and allowing them the freedom to be a kid.

Erm I put my girls in wee shorts if there wearing dresses and playing out in parks etc just feel more comfortable about it these days, but maybe that's because we had a recent family scare where someone took pics of my cousin's little girl in a playpark unknown to her and it was the police calling that enlightened is they were online and anyway long story but ever since I prefer shorts on mine

Yeah, this. I'd put her in shorts under the dress.

I came here to say the same thing. I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my daughter was running around with a dress on and her underwear was on show.

Considering most women have a 'me too' story I really don't get the attitude of some on this thread. Why wouldn't there be perverts on a boat? They can be/are everywhere. Just look at the number on the tube for instance.

I think the father is being protective and there is nothing wrong with that. Instead of asking a load of strangers why don't you ask him.
There are a load of odd people about so he is try to keep his baby safe. My Dad was a worrier too.

I don't think paedophiles are around every corner, but I do think parents should be more mindful of how they dress little girls. I don't like to see little girls limited by their clothing. Dresses with knickers under mean they either flash their gussets when they are playing or have to be held back - why do we think that's ok for girls when boys get to wear robust, practical shorts and trousers? Little girls often have flimsy shoes that aren't suited for scrambling and climbing whereas boys get sturdy trainers. I don't think your DH is wrong for not wanting her knickers to be exposed when she's playing. I would say the same about a boy too but boys are never put in that situation because their clothes are far more suited to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't think paedophiles are around every corner, but I do think parents should be more mindful of how they dress little girls. I don't like to see little girls limited by their clothing. Dresses with knickers under mean they either flash their gussets when they are playing or have to be held back - why do we think that's ok for girls when boys get to wear robust, practical shorts and trousers? Little girls often have flimsy shoes that aren't suited for scrambling and climbing whereas boys get sturdy trainers. I don't think your DH is wrong for not wanting her knickers to be exposed when she's playing. I would say the same about a boy too but boys are never put in that situation because their clothes are far more suited to play 🤷🏼‍♀️

I remember being a little girl in the 80s and being self conscious about my knickers showing when I was on the climbing frame. There was no idyllic utopia in the past when nobody noticed or cared about little girls having their knickers exposed.

I’d be cross about this tbh. It’s paranoia and you’re right it will make them extremely self
conscious.

I agree with everyone that it’s way over the top from your husband!!! I wondered if he had been sexually abused or had some other link as to why this is a topic so much at the forefront of his mind…

Had something weirder on the bus yesterday: a little girl, around 3, wearing a short jeans skirt that had gotten bent over on the front. Due to thick material it didn't fell back and the girl was not wearing underwear so her vagina was on display. I went up and whispered this to the mother who was standing with her girl and a stroller with a baby. She glares at me and tell me to just stop looking at her girl if it bothers me1🙄

I think it's an odd thing to think really. Maybe he has genuine concerns. Is he normally worrying kind of guy.A ferry is crowded surely.i mean you could say the same about anywhere really.its a terrible shame if little girls have to wear shorts and dresses.i am early 60s so not a thing when DD was small

I have a daughter who is 17 now, she has always been conventionally attractive and men didn’t stare at her at that age. I think he is being paranoid. I know my ex struggles with men looking at her now she’s older, and she is incredibly shy so certainly doesn’t want this attention. Her dad has a semi high profile role overseas and during one posting when she was 14, she had over 400 comments about her on social media, on a video which she was just a bystander. Not a word about her brother who actually loves the particular sport or her father, all about her. I was massively relieved when she left that country after the visit and he is now somewhere hopefully a lot less sexualisation of young women. Having a daughter is not easier (I had 2 sons first).

it is hard to know the percentage of paedophiles in society, as many never offend, but the estimates are around 3%. So in any busy place they will be there, looking at our children.
It’s hideous but it is better to know that so we can decide how to best protect them.

My Dd and all her friends wear shorts under skirts/dresses so they can do handstands & cartwheels etc. The difference is they’re all 10/11 year olds.
It wasn’t something I thought about when she was 4…

Don’t understand the wearing pants to cover pants thing. Get them substantial pants that cover them properly.

I don’t like this trend at all because it’s not many steps away from ‘well she was wearing a short skirt (insert whatever random piece of clothing that’s appropriate), what does she expect?’. The excuse of rapists/some men/ some members of the public/ some of the court system for generations of rapists.

Let’s not teach our children that they have to dress a certain way or they will be in trouble for inviting inappropriate attention.

It's the cartwheeling...I see both your points.

Not really the point of the thread but….

I have 3DD’s and funnily enough one of the only times I have felt uncomfortable and in a situation where might be risk by men who were acting oddly was on a ferry going to France.

We were sitting next to the duty free and there was a group hovering around talking lowly on phones to each other, they were Eastern European, so not sure what they were saying to each other.

My girls were 9, 7 and 3 and the elder two were going back and forth (within our sight line) to look at the sweets and both times someone from the party of men would also end up in the same aisle as them.

DH and I are as laid back as they come and we both had a dodgy feeling about it so moved pretty quickly and kept the girls with us.

You think ferries are full of paedos and girls wearing shorts will stop them being paedos? Are you okay?

You mean her vulva, you cannot see inside the vagina.

Very odd for a child not to wearing any underwear.

Strange that you looked so intently as to be able to see.

Exaclty. There was a thread about wearing shorts under a dress at nursery not long ago and the consensus was some would some wouldn’t and those who would weren’t being called weirdos! Double standards on MN yet again.

This. Sexually explicit material of children is an increasing issue partly because of the ease of making and distributing images. I think this is rising in people's consciousness at the moment.

I posted this on the other thread - at a local fountains where kids play in the heat we were warned by staff to keep kids clothed because they have previously (more than once) found men hiding in the bushes taking photos.

My DD wears shorts under dresses, mostly because it's practical, partly for modesty. I actually see it as a good sign that girls are routinely physically active in our society to the point where we are questioning whether their clothing is fit for purpose. Yes they could just wear shorts, but dresses are lovely, clothing is about enjoyment as well as practicality.

The ferry itself may be a paedophile disguised as a BOAT.