DS doesn't want to come home

[CuriousVital]

I feel awful arm, prepared to be flamed.

I have 4 DC B/G twin just turned 15, 11yo DS and a 5yo DD.

I've had a tough time with my 15yo DS, he's got into the wrong crowd and involved in petty crimes like shoplifting - usually energy drinks from the corner shop. Throwing bricks and was caught on a dash cam, drinking, school refusal. Hadn't been to school since May and school weren't that helpful but tbh his behaviour was terrible when he was there too. He's had sex with a girl in his year and then was quite horrible to her and if she got pregnant he wasn't going anywhere near “it”, thankfully she isn't pregnant it was just a possibility as he didn't use protection. He says misogynistic things toward DD and they used to be close but she hates being around him.

Dad not involved, he was financially abusive and emotionally toward me. I split with my youngest’s dad 2 years ago and he was my older childrens father figure, I think this affected him more than he lets on but ex still sees his twin and my 11yo, he just doesn't want to know.

The summer holidays started and it was a nightmare, he hit his twin, broke my 11yos lego tower (on purpose), they share a room but I've partitioned it so he had no need going near it. He just laughed as he cried and filmed him and said he's going to show his new classmates. Threw my 5yos doll over the fence, which leads to a railway track so couldn't get it back, it was a birthday present that she’d had about a week so she was obviously distraught. I couldn't afford to replace it as money is tight, he has no allowance. He was trouble outside the house too, police brought him home once due to him being antisocial in the middle id town. Stole a younger child's (neighbours child) scooter but swears blind it was his friends not him but the child has said it was him. You get the picture.

My dad owns a farm so I had had enough and sent him there, he's been there for about 3 weeks, celebrated his birthday there and home has been peaceful. My dad has said he's been moody and full of attitude but has helped a bit on the farm. He blames me for everything, said I have the problem not him, I'm useless etc. He's meant to come home Monday but he's refusing. Said he's not coming back, he hates me, his siblings and isn't going to school. I sent him away so why should he come back, he'll run away and stay with his mates if he's forced to come back.

What the hell do I do??

Yep
The other children shouldn’t be made to suffer just because their sibling is difficult

Im a bit sceptic cal of this girlfriend, a grown ass eoman uncomfortable around a kid who has just turned 15, and making jp stories about him photographing her. Hmmm
On the other hand yoir dad relies on her and does not want to piss off his younger son i suppose.
I work in a school whdre nearly all the kids sre from farming families and the boys live and breathe farming. Can you look into any young farmers branches near you? Couldnt he go on public transport to the nearest towm to grandad every oyjer weekend. Your boy sounds desperately unhappy snd i think it is worth perusing any interestd he shows

It’s a very difficult situation for you

did your dad look into deleted photos /hidden or check google /i cloud etc

if he was running away when wasn’t even meant to be in that gf area then he was wrong

could a compromise be that he stays but phone is changed to a basic one that can literally talk and text. No internet

I know easterners and Joel is a storyline but sounds like your son is similar with porn and views of woman

not sure what the solution is but if he def can’t stay at the farm and comes back home then serious boundaries need to be put into place to protecr your other 3

or he goes into foster care which is worst thing as he needs some love and support

he is prob pushing back due to 2 father figures leaving.

Oh good - we are now deciding as a society when a woman should or should not feel uncomfortable? At what age do you deem it appropriate for a male to get into a woman’s space and her to just be fine about it?

I work at a school and many 15 year olds are well over 6ft. We are talking about a sexually active, porn watching boy who likely could be taller and physically able to intimidate her.

Im a bit sceptic cal of this girlfriend, a grown ass eoman uncomfortable around a kid who has just turned 15, and making jp stories about him photographing her. Hmmm

What on earth would be her motive?

@Corfumanchu

have you seen 15 year old lads?? Many will tower over a woman. Most can definitely physically overpower a women. Why are you sceptical? Are you a misogynist?

The incident with his uncles girlfriend sounds very scary and intimidating.

To be honest I’m surprised you are yet to seem support from social services, I do think you also need to stress the danger he poses to his siblings, I do think it is unlikely unsafe for him to have access to them at night. If he comes home would it be better for you to share the divided room and he has your room, or do you have a dining room that could become an additional bedroom?

Does your child have an EHCP OP? He needs one asap and you need to be at the local authority- social care- telling them how you’re struggling with your son and what they can suggest.

@Corfumanchu & @HerLivingontheHill I think your support of this boy staying on the farm is outrageous. He fucked up this opportunity by not only harassing his uncles girlfriend but being a general pain in the arse. The gdad has to supervise 100% and try to run a business. Don’t start blaming the girl! FFS!!
@CuriousVital have you contacted anyone yet?

I would love to know if this what they would advise their 20 year old daughter to do…. Ignore, get over it, stop lying, get a grip..

I agree completely with this

Read the thread. Her dad says he can’t stay.

Oh my goodness! Can people mot read! The op says it isnt an option.

I am genuinely baffled that so many people a) can’t read the thread b) think a full time farmer would ever have capacity to take on troubled youth. Especially as he didn’t turn up and show improvement and act like young farmer of the year. He actually made things worse and had a bad attitude

Even if ppl can’t be arsed to read the whole thread at the very least you read ALL of OP’s updates.

Where are you getting that she made it up?

A 15 year old boy is not incapable of being taller and significantly stronger than a 20 year old woman. Psychologically disturbed 15 year old boys can and have victimized and murdered women. This particular 15 year old boy has already been physically violent to his own sister, and is resolutely misogynist. The fact that the people who know him, including OP, believe the girlfriend does rather suggest they know this isn’t out of character for him at all.

His grandfather runs a farm, yet needs to constantly supervise him because he can’t trust him to be unattended. He’s also created an uncomfortable environment for the rest of the workers. Understandably, they don’t want him there long term.