Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make a 20+ year old share a bedroom?

273 replies

Pinkycloud · 22/08/2025 08:07

I have 4 dc (20 ds, 19 dd, 13 dd, 11 ds). 4 bed house so one room for us and three for kids. For years the youngest two shared. Now youngest is in with us on sofa bed, but this needs to stop. The two girls can’t share, it would literally make all our lives a misery. I think the boys should share but eldest ds not happy and I can see his point. Or do I get youngest two to share again, even though different sex? Or do we spend £20k on garage conversion to get extra room?! Help!

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 22/08/2025 08:10

No a 20yo can't share with an 11yo.

You need to split a room, lose a reception room, or convert the garage.

Ohlifelife · 22/08/2025 08:11

If the 20 year old is still going to be living at home for a significant number of years I would think spending the money on a garage conversion is by far the best option.

nonevernotever · 22/08/2025 08:13

Another vote here for garage conversion. You absolutely cannot have the two youngest share, and I think the age gaps make having either of the same sex pairs share too difficult as well.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 22/08/2025 08:17

I think eldest should have a turn at sharing if they've always have their own room. Might give them a motivation to save money for a deposit.

If you have the cash though I'd do the conversion.

GleisZwei · 22/08/2025 08:20

The two girls are closer in age than the two boys - if anyone needs to share it's them.

SaltAirAndTheRust · 22/08/2025 08:20

RabbitsEatPancakes · 22/08/2025 08:17

I think eldest should have a turn at sharing if they've always have their own room. Might give them a motivation to save money for a deposit.

If you have the cash though I'd do the conversion.

Sadly these days unless you have a partner it’s pretty much impossible to save for a deposit.

OP, is the 19 year old away at uni? If so, it makes most sense for the two girls to share.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/08/2025 08:20

They can’t share at those ages (imo anyway). If the older ones are with you for the duration then a garage conversion makes sense.

itsgettingweird · 22/08/2025 08:21

Does the 20yo work and pay rent? Does he plan on living there for a few more years?

If so the money he’s paying will cover the conversion so I’d go for it.

CaptainSevenofNine · 22/08/2025 08:21

What is the allocation of bedrooms by size? If you have the biggest room could you take a smaller room and then split yours perhaps? There’s lots of clever ways of doing that.
rather than spend £20k on a garage conversion could you spend circa £4,000 on a hully pod and use that as a bedroom in the garden?

Gymbunny2025 · 22/08/2025 08:22

Definitely garage conversion (or would loft be an option?)

Sharptonguedwoman · 22/08/2025 08:23

TheNightingalesStarling · 22/08/2025 08:10

No a 20yo can't share with an 11yo.

You need to split a room, lose a reception room, or convert the garage.

Agreed. There are fabulous room divider designs where both people get their own space. Or build a big shed and convert the garage.

Ilovesshopping · 22/08/2025 08:23

Garage conversion or a garden room that can be used to sleep in. I think it’s unreasonable to ask any of them to share at their ages, they all need space and privacy.

DoNotBiteTheirHeadsOff · 22/08/2025 08:25

The girls need to share for now, end of. They’re the closest in age and need to get over themselves while you find a longer term solution.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2025 08:25

I think that unless disabled and not on full benefits, the eldest should rent the garage from you. So find a way to fund the conversion, the 20 year old helps with the design and then starts to live more independently and pay their way. Have a proper conversation around planning for the future.

Moonnstars · 22/08/2025 08:25

Yes I think you need an extra room. As others have suggested, can you divide any of the rooms?
Is it likely that either of the older two will move out any time soon?

PersephoneParlormaid · 22/08/2025 08:27

If the oldest two aren’t moving out soon, you need to get another bedroom somehow. Do you have a dining room?

Silverbirchleaf · 22/08/2025 08:27

A 20 year old can’t share with an 11 year old.

I agree, the girls share.

Firstsuggestions · 22/08/2025 08:28

Going against the grain to say people can share rooms including an oldest and youngest. This idea of it's vital that everyone has their own room is very modern. Obviously just a few generations ago families were bigger, houses smaller and everyone bunked in and made it work. It's not ideal for those sharing to have such a large age gap but if that's the way it has to be then grand. They are sharing with family and have a roof over their head.

You owe your child a roof over their head and a safe, loving space and some privacy but not a dedicated bedroom in perpetuity.

Ponoka7 · 22/08/2025 08:28

For those mentioning hully pods etc, if you have neighbours who would object, they can't be used as a permanent sleeping arrangement.

Parky04 · 22/08/2025 08:29

Buy a 5 bedroom house. You chose to have 4 children so you need to provide them with a bedroom each.

SlantedSlats · 22/08/2025 08:30

Why do the girls get to ‘win’ because they can’t control their behaviour?

SlantedSlats · 22/08/2025 08:31

What are the 19 and 20-year-olds doing in their life? Working, studying, any plans to leave home?

Starseeking · 22/08/2025 08:34

Firstsuggestions · 22/08/2025 08:28

Going against the grain to say people can share rooms including an oldest and youngest. This idea of it's vital that everyone has their own room is very modern. Obviously just a few generations ago families were bigger, houses smaller and everyone bunked in and made it work. It's not ideal for those sharing to have such a large age gap but if that's the way it has to be then grand. They are sharing with family and have a roof over their head.

You owe your child a roof over their head and a safe, loving space and some privacy but not a dedicated bedroom in perpetuity.

I agree with this. We grew up with 3 DC and parents in a 3 bedroom house. I shared a room with my DSis until I was 25 and bought my own flat. DBro always had his own room, and my parents had the other.

ConflictofInterest · 22/08/2025 08:34

Why can't a 20 year old share with an 11 year old, what's the reasoning for that? Have you sat down and talked to them about the preferred options, they may have some ideas? Does the 20 year old have a plan to move out? It could happen more quickly than you think. I've never had my own room from child to adult, I can't see the problem with the youngest and oldest sharing. It's easy to put a curtain through the middle of the room or something similar if you need a divider. Could you have both boys and both girls sharing with a divider and then put desks and computers in the final room for studying or something, to make it fairer?

EggCounter · 22/08/2025 08:35

SlantedSlats · 22/08/2025 08:31

What are the 19 and 20-year-olds doing in their life? Working, studying, any plans to leave home?

Yes, this was going to be my question. When I left at 18 for university from our tiny, overcrowded house, I’d left. My remaining stuff was in the attic and I was on the sofa for visits.