To make a 20+ year old share a bedroom?

[Pinkycloud]

I have 4 dc (20 ds, 19 dd, 13 dd, 11 ds). 4 bed house so one room for us and three for kids. For years the youngest two shared. Now youngest is in with us on sofa bed, but this needs to stop. The two girls can’t share, it would literally make all our lives a misery. I think the boys should share but eldest ds not happy and I can see his point. Or do I get youngest two to share again, even though different sex? Or do we spend £20k on garage conversion to get extra room?! Help!

Why can the girls not share?

I never had my own room and moved out in my early twenties. Similar age difference (I hated it, and only started to love my sister once I’d moved out!)
Why can’t the eldest share? He never has had too, so can have a turn.
Could you buy an office garden room? Somewhere to chill during day/evening and eldest uses bedroom just to sleep?
I can’t see why it is worst for the two males to share then the two females.

I think you need a longer term solution - I think both the 20 year old and 19 year are a bit old to share with much younger siblings. I think it depends how long they are planning to stay. You are going to have three over 18 year old in five years times. Realistically, are any of them going to in position to move out on their own? If not, then you it going to be a bigger issues because your youngest will also become an adult.

Give all the kids their own room & you & DH sleep downstairs.

Why? I don't think parents should give up their bedroom when the 2 girls could share.

why can't the two girls share?
sounds as if they need to learn to??

This is the solution.

Why is the 20 year old son a man that can’t possibly share with a child but 19 years old daughter just a girl that should just do as she is told. They are both adults that would be sharing with a child their sibling not a stranger.

Why are we having more children than we have bedrooms? You clearly can’t afford to have them. Poor children.

The 2 girls need to share - why would they make your life hell ?

they are closest in age

meanwhile think about converting garage - always handy to have a downstairs bath/bedroom and will add value but is easy enough to change back if sell and they want a garage

as @ShesTheAlbatross said. Kids don’t have a right to have own room. Yes it’s nice but doesn’t always happen

your youngest can’t sleep in your room at 11

sounds like you have a big bedroom if can have bed in it for you and dh and a sofa bed

so swap rooms. Girls have yours split with stud wall or cubes

you have next size room

20yr unlikely to move out soon as property is such a cost

I wouldn’t expect any of those age children to share unless it was the 2 girls. As you’ve already ruled that out the only option is to move or extend over the garage. Or ask eldest to move out.

You need to do a garage conversion, it is not fair for them to share. Nor is it fair for one of them to be in your room. They need their own space.

It's not about what might happen, it's the fact that it's pretty inappropriate to expect a pre-teen boy to permanently share his space with a grown adult man. And vice versa, quite frankly.

@Pinkycloud are you going to come back?

I thought they were brothers, are they not?

I have 4DC two adult DDs and teenage DD and DS. When they were younger we built an extension to our 3 bedroom house as it was cheaper than moving. Where the garage could have been we built a 5th bedroom and have never regretted it, it’s great that the DCs all have their own space although they choose to be in the living room most of the time.

if I only had 4 bedrooms DD1 & 3 would have shared the largest room with DD2 & DS having the others just because DD1&3 are similar in interests and personality and DD2 is ND and the other DDs wouldn’t have wanted to share with her.

Why is the 20 & 19 yo still at home - I get saving money but it’s the best thing to have a job and your own space. Wonder if they instead should think about moving - the youngest two should each have their own room and the third a guest space

I wouldn’t be spending £20k on a garage conversion to accommodate a 19 and 20 year old, unless they have SEND and you expect them to be at home long-term.

I think it’s time one of the eldest two share. Might encourage them to save up to move out.

ETA: If that £20k is burning a hole in your pocket, you could give some of it to the eldest two as deposit for rent on a flat-share.

Yes for dd1 but op says dd2 shared with ds2 for years-so she's done her "learning". It would be unfair for her to have to spend most of her childhood sharing with two different siblings when ds1 has never had to share ever.

This. The 19 year old is a grown woman just as much as her brother is a grown man. She’s also not close in age with her younger sister - 6 years is a big gap. Either one of them can realistically share and neither is more obvious than the other. Also once you’re over 18 then you share if you want to carry on living there (unless paying rent). You don’t start childish arguments with your much younger siblings. That goes for both the 19 year old and the 20 year old.

Do the extension if you can.

Wow, that’s amazing!! I was quoted £7.5k 10 years ago!
I have almost exactly the same problem as op but different aged DC. One currently living in the dining room. I am planning either a garage conversion or a loft conversion, although one DC is going away to uni soon but will still need a room to return to.

But your BIL is a builder? So he hasn't been charging himself for his own labour has he. The £20k is for someone else to do it.

What world do half of you live in?!

weekend issues of the 20yo coming in late, being drunk 🥴 and noisy normal 20yo stuff.

Not normal when you're sharing a room! Respect for the person you're sharing with should be what's normal and expected.

Similarly most 20 year olds are working or studying and need a quiet place to do such things.

Libraries exist, if the house is too noisy or full.

In the South East or London a minimum wage job isn’t paying rent!

So they can't afford to live there then. Like most others (of any age) on minimum wage.

.
Everyone expecting the champagne lifestyle now even when they've only got the lemonade budget. The 19 and 20 years old can move out together into a 2bed place, somewhere they can actually afford to live, if they don't like the living arrangements at home and don't fancy a flat share with randoms.

Ooh, that's going back a bit!