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Original poster

To make a 20+ year old share a bedroom?

273 replies

Pinkycloud · 22/08/2025 08:07

I have 4 dc (20 ds, 19 dd, 13 dd, 11 ds). 4 bed house so one room for us and three for kids. For years the youngest two shared. Now youngest is in with us on sofa bed, but this needs to stop. The two girls can’t share, it would literally make all our lives a misery. I think the boys should share but eldest ds not happy and I can see his point. Or do I get youngest two to share again, even though different sex? Or do we spend £20k on garage conversion to get extra room?! Help!

OP posts:
Account734 · 22/08/2025 09:40

Convert the garage, there is no other way to make the situation work without someone being miserable.

Mildorado · 22/08/2025 09:40

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 22/08/2025 09:38

in theory, yup 😂
Reality, nope
2 hormonal girls, not gonna work

Show quote history

Why not? The girls will just need to self manage more effectively. "Hormonal" is never an excuse for bad behaviour.

noidea69 · 22/08/2025 09:44

Mildorado · 22/08/2025 09:40

Why not? The girls will just need to self manage more effectively. "Hormonal" is never an excuse for bad behaviour.

Show quote history

its only boys who have to control their behaviour caused by hormones, girls are to embrace the impact of hormones.

Mildorado · 22/08/2025 09:45

noidea69 · 22/08/2025 09:44

its only boys who have to control their behaviour caused by hormones, girls are to embrace the impact of hormones.

Show quote history

I know. It's everywhere.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 22/08/2025 09:46

If you choose to have 4 children you need to take into account how many rooms your house has and that you will need more.
That said it shouldn't be for long as the 20 year old won't live there for much longer.

Digdongdoo · 22/08/2025 09:51

If there must be sharing, it should be the girls and they are closer in age. But I'd convert the garage, start charging the adult kids some rent to help cover cost if you need to.

Zippidydoodah · 22/08/2025 09:52

Parky04 · 22/08/2025 08:29

Buy a 5 bedroom house. You chose to have 4 children so you need to provide them with a bedroom each.

Wow. Just…….I'm speechless.

Zippidydoodah · 22/08/2025 09:55

Also wondering what the two oldest are doing; are they working or at uni? If working, they should be paying towards the bills etc so maybe you could save that money for the conversion. Either that, or come up with a rock solid saving plan to help the oldest move out (and he will have to share with his younger brother in the meantime).

If SEND then I think the conversion is a good idea anyway, if he’s going to be with you long term.

ytemussel · 22/08/2025 09:55

Why is the 20 year old still at home - is it their choice or is there a reason they aren't able to move out? What's the situation with your 18 year old as well - will she be moving out/to university, or will she also be at home long term?

If there's a reason the 20 year old can't move out, and your 18 year old will also be at home long term, then you need to look at how to create an extra bedroom as sharing isn't sustainable long term.

If the 20 year old is able to move out but just prefers not to (eg doesn't want to live in a scummy house share / is saving money for something), then he needs to suck it up and share a room.

If your 18 year old will be moving out soon (even if only to university and so term time only), I'd look at your DD's continuing to share until she's moved out.

ytemussel · 22/08/2025 09:56

Just seen that your oldest DD is 19, not 18. Same questions as for your 20 year old then. Why is she still at home, and how long will she be at home for?

MounjaroMounjaro · 22/08/2025 09:57

RabbitsEatPancakes · 22/08/2025 08:17

I think eldest should have a turn at sharing if they've always have their own room. Might give them a motivation to save money for a deposit.

If you have the cash though I'd do the conversion.

He's 20! How long do you think it would take him to save for a deposit?

MounjaroMounjaro · 22/08/2025 09:59

Parky04 · 22/08/2025 08:29

Buy a 5 bedroom house. You chose to have 4 children so you need to provide them with a bedroom each.

Yes, OP, go and do that!

@Parky04 You do realise not everyone can just go and buy a new house? It would be far, far cheaper to spend £20K on a garage conversion than to move house and get this house ready for sale and the new house how they want it.

somethingandnothing · 22/08/2025 10:01

I don’t understand why people choose to have more children than they can afford. It is unfair on all the children involved.

Beautifulsunflowers · 22/08/2025 10:01

In all honesty, your eldest children are unlikely to be able to move out of home any time soon. The children I know of that age or older that have left home after uni either rent a room in a shared house or live rent free in their parents second home!
so looking at a longer term solution op, if you can convert the garage then that sounds like the most sensible plan. I would decide who will be getting the newly converted garage and make them the ones that share in the interim.

Squishymallows · 22/08/2025 10:08

Girls need to share until you get your conversion. Also eldest should probably fly the nest

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2025 10:08

Some of the alternative options are looking good. Speaking to my bf, whose eldest ds, 26 shows no signs of moving out, I agree that you need to consider how you can accommodate them all to have their own space.

historyismything82 · 22/08/2025 10:10

Convert the garage. It's a no brainer. We've done it and it was the best thing we did.

CatsorDogsrule · 22/08/2025 10:11

Convert the garage.

ormiwtbte · 22/08/2025 10:14

The two girls should share.
The age gap between the 20 year old and the 11 year old is far too big. The two youngest of opposite sex are too old to be sharing.
You should then convert the garage.

Hoardasauruskaren · 22/08/2025 10:15

My 2 sons always shared ( 2.5 yr age gap). As teens they had a big IKEA kallax unit seperating them. DS1 moved out for 2 yrs but has been back for a year so they are back sharing. Both stay with gfs a few nights a week & DS2 is an apprentice railway engineer & does a lot of nightshifts so they only sleep in the same room a couple of nights a week. They don't particularly get on but tolerate each other as they get older. They’re 20 & 22 & I don’t expect either to move out for at least 2-3 years so they just get on with it.

The age gap of OPs DC is too big for sharing IMO. Do you have a room large enough for dividing? It’s difficult & my boys did fight a lot as teens but thankfully have matured.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 22/08/2025 10:15

The 13 and 11yo should be the priority as they are going through puberty and also still in school so it’s important they have their own space to do homework and have privacy as their bodies mature.

The 19 and 20yo are adults and have the option to go to uni/ move out if they don’t like the space on offer.

If you can afford it, the garage conversion is the best solution. But if you can’t, the 19 or 20yo needs to have a sofa bed in one of the reception rooms.

BountifulPantry · 22/08/2025 10:17

The 19 and 20 year olds need to move out to be completely honest. They’re adults and there isn’t room for them.

Could you give the 20 year old 6 months notice to find their own place and take it from there?

MounjaroMounjaro · 22/08/2025 10:21

Is the garage big enough to make a bedsitting room with a kitchen area and a shower room? If so you could rent it out when your son leaves home.

Mildorado · 22/08/2025 10:21

BountifulPantry · 22/08/2025 10:17

The 19 and 20 year olds need to move out to be completely honest. They’re adults and there isn’t room for them.

Could you give the 20 year old 6 months notice to find their own place and take it from there?

Really? Where would they go and how are they going to afford it?
I wouldn't have told mine to leave home because there's no room for them.

lessglittermoremud · 22/08/2025 10:22

If you can I would convert the garage if there isn’t a spare reception room ie dining room that can be used as a bedroom.
Our eldest 2 cannot share a room, oldest is Autistic and needs his own space to decompress, tried to get him to share with his brother when the littlest moved out of our room and it was a disaster and both the children were so unhappy.
Tried to put the youngest in with the middle one but he was a light sleeper so woke if the little woke up and then couldn’t play with his Lego and display the models because the little ones would break them and try and put the bits in his mouth.
We converted the loft so now each child has their own room, size dictated by age so the smallest room has gone to the youngest child.
If we had had a garage we would have definitely sought planning and converted it as much cheaper then a loft conversion but sadly moving or the loft was our only option and by the time we factored in the cost of moving, the loft conversion was the better option.
Good luck!