To make a 20+ year old share a bedroom?

[Pinkycloud]

I have 4 dc (20 ds, 19 dd, 13 dd, 11 ds). 4 bed house so one room for us and three for kids. For years the youngest two shared. Now youngest is in with us on sofa bed, but this needs to stop. The two girls can’t share, it would literally make all our lives a misery. I think the boys should share but eldest ds not happy and I can see his point. Or do I get youngest two to share again, even though different sex? Or do we spend £20k on garage conversion to get extra room?! Help!

Were you hoping the 20 year old would move out by now?

You and your DH can have the living room to sleep in and the kids get a bed each.

Or divide the biggest bedroom in two.

Because what is age appropriate for a 20yo MAN isn't age appropriate for a 11yo child.

I don't think 20/11 and 19/13 are very different age gaps in practice - both are too big to share happily and both are at a different stage of life

I would definitely go for the garage conversion and in the meantime, I think sharing cross gender is fine - if the younger two get on well, I think it's better than the big age gaps with the same sex sharing

I think it’s quite unfair to make the boys share simply because the girls will raise hell about it. You’re punishing your eldest for not fighting with his sibling, and rewarding your DDs for refusing to sensibly get along. They are the closest in age, so they have to share. But I’d say only until a garage conversion is done, because that does sound necessary unless either of your eldest two are moving out soon.

garage conversion if you have the money. Do it with its own door and bathroom so you can rent it out once one of the kids has left home. (or it will make a nice guest suite)

As an interim measure you can look up clever ways to divide a bedroom for 2 people.

Why can’t the girls share?

It really depends on what your 20yo and 19yo are doing, and what their plans are for the next year or two.

I disagree that making (eg) oldest and youngest share is a good solution as your adult children require privacy and will keep very different hours to their school based siblings. It's just not fair to either of them.

I'd be putting parents on a sofa bed or similar in the living room, and giving the kids a room each in the interim whilst you figure out a more permanent solution.

Like you, I have four children and two of mine have really struggled with sharing a bedroom. I had my garage converted about two years ago. It cost £27,000 but we got a good-size bedroom including an ensuite shower/WC room plus a utility room put in at the far end that opens onto our dining room. That included all fittings, plastering, decorating and flooring. It’s worth considering as it should increase the value of the house as well as provide an extra bedroom in the short term. We’ve gone from four bedrooms, three reception rooms, one bathroom, to five bedrooms, three reception rooms, two bathrooms. The converted garage is also ideal to be a home office as it’s downstairs. I’m hoping all that will help our resale when the time comes to move.

Give the choice to 20 yo:

either share with your 11 yo -yes, of course some people do, they're siblings not some random tenant. What the actual big deal? As long as the room is big enough for beds and a desk each at least.

or own room but parents move to the living room, but that means it's out of bound from 8pm because it becomes their bedroom, meaning no friend allowed ever.

DP had his garage converted last year and it was only £5k - garage door removed, window installed, plastered and sockets plus a radiator

Or can any of the bedrooms (including yours) be divided

If you have the space a nice garden room for one of the two older children as a private pad, as a cheaper temporary option. Then garage conversion or re-design interior to get another bedroom somewhere and then garden room becomes summer house if child will give it up!

I’m not sure it’s appropriate to make any of them share, in all honesty. If you can’t afford to move, you you need to split the bedrooms, convert the garage or sacrifice your own room so everyone has their own space.

Unless the money for the garage conversion is easy for you then sorry the boys share. If the 20 year old is not happy about it then they move out to a house share! There are ways to make a room share work

If you do the garage conversion you will want it to be to the required standard for it to be accepted as a bedroom, for future sale purposes it would have to meet all building regs and planning requirements and you would probably want plumbing for an ensuite as well as electrics and heating.

I would definitely convert the garage. I think if you pm it yourself f it will come in well under £20k.once one if the kids move out, the extra downstairs space will add loads to your property value.

I would prioritise whatever you feel is best for DS2. At the moment he is losing out to everyone else's feelings. You are right that he deserves his own space, (shared or not), not a sofa bed in his parents' room, and you as the parents deserve your own space too, not squashing up onto a bed in the living room or whatever to accommodate your adult children.

Are they all full siblings? I wouldn't even consider putting him in with 20 year old DS1 if not. If you feel DS2 would be happy sharing, do that and talk with DS1 about how you can support him to save money towards moving out (can be a house share, doesn't have to be a deposit). If DS2 won't benefit from sharing and you are otherwise happy for DS1 and DD1 to remain at home for the foreseeable future, consider the garage conversion option if it's affordable.

It is tricky, are none of the rooms able to be split? I did one and it wasn’t expensive as had two windows. Stud walls an electric panel heater/ LED strip lights for the side with no radiator/ ceiling light, less than£2k.

If the master bedroom is the biggest then divide it and give it to the 2 DDs.
You and DH move into the next biggest.
The youngest DS has the next. He's going to be at home and studying for the next 7 years
Eldest DS has the smallest room.

I think the ages of your kids make it pretty awkward for any of them to be sharing, frankly. They’re all at the point in their lives where privacy is extremely important - an adult man in his 20s sharing with his 11-year-old brother isn’t going to work.

Are either of the eldest two at university? If they are then they can share a bedroom at home. The two youngest cannot share because they’re not the same sex.

Best for the girls to share, due to their ages. There are plenty of clever ways of dividing rooms using bunk beds etc so each has their own area. Lots of good ideas on line!
My dad always shared a room with his brother - they had a similar age gap and my DH also always shared with his brother - 6 year age gap.

You need to make the 2nd largest room to be your room, and split the largest room into two singles. But do it in a reversable way as the 20yo and 19yo may be gone to live independently soon.

Have to say this. Honestly what was your long term plan when you had 4 kids. Surely you did the maths and it did t add up?

Girls to share for now as closer in age - in biggest room. The fact they will kick off shouldn't mean they get to effectively dictate to the rest of the family. Convert garage if possible for 20yo, but do it with future use / house sellabity in mind.