To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

As long as you don't have a penis, I don't see what her problem was.

In Germany, showers and changing rooms are separated mens/women but within those areas the showers are communal as are most of the changing rooms. You have the individual changing cubicles and the explicit family changing rooms where whole families can change.

It goes without saying you might see the occasional breast or genitals, complete overreaction of that woman. If you want to protect your kids' eyes from other mum boob then shield them, good grief.

This! It’s an open change room, don’t take your 8yos boys in if you don’t want them to see anything. They have a family room for those people - oh I forgot it didn’t have room for her and kids and her friend and her kids. So she had no choice. She was waterboarded into bringing her child in.

Same here in Germany, they'd have a heart attack in the showers and changing rooms 😂

She was getting dressed, not stripping off. Should she have sat quietly in her wet costume until the entitled family (who had other options) finally decided to leave to avoid upsetting the poor little 8yo boy.

To be honest I wouldn’t have taken my 8 year old son into a female only changing room. Not because I wouldn’t want him to see boobs, but for consideration of the other women. I consider 8 to be a bit old to be in a female space.

That’s why they have family rooms.

Obviously it’s unavailable if there isn’t a family style option, as I wouldn’t want an 8 year old boy alone in men’s changing rooms.

She’d have a heart attack at my gym - the adults only section is right in front of the door, so all the families with children have to walk through the sea of adult only boobs to get to the family changing bit.

So basically there is an area just for adult women - you were allowed in that area, her group was not.

There is an area just for women with children - her group were allowed in that area, you were not.

And then there is an area for both. You and the other women and kids were all allowed there.

She is behaving entirely unreasonably.

If you don't want to see adult women getting changed (without kids accompanying them at least???) then go to the family area. Question - if you did the same thing with your own children with you would she have had a problem?

Every single area has naked women getting changed. I suggest she sends her EIGHT year old son into the men's to get changed as he is the one who isn't welcome in the mixed FEMALE area if he's staring at women's breasts.

You did nothing wrong OP.

OP already said there only would've been room for some of the DC in the family area not both families so that wouldn't have solved the issue.

Her going into the adult only area if she isn't able to change without exposing private areas would have been the logical solution.

Or just changing whilst covering with a towel like most people do in public areas.

Must say I wouldn’t have felt altogether comfortable sending my then 8 year old Gds into the DL men’s locker room on his own, so it was just as well I’d arranged a guest pass for dh.

One of the great things about a female only changing room is that you don’t have to hide away in one section.

OP could change in the middle of the room and dance naked if she wanted.

I don't think you did anything wrong and if I was with my 6 year old son, I wouldn't have cared. Breasts are breasts, nothing for anyone to be uncomfortable about.

And Austria. I remember lying on the lower bench in a hotel sauna and a woman climbing over me to reach the upper bench. Men and women all naked and nobody ashamed or embarrassed. It was liberating feeling and I wish we were more like that here in the UK.

Surely the family changing room is designed for parents with children of a different sex. She should have used it. Breast visible in ladies changing is normal.

But it's a changing room? You just don't look at other people. You just mind your own business and get changed.

Where I swim the showers are not individual and lots of people shower naked, as they have every right to. This is why areas are single sex. If her son is now of an age where he cannot be trusted not to stare at women (which is what caused this whole issue) then he should be elsewhere.

Speaking of Europe….on my summer holidays this year, at a family resort with a kiddie pool and a screened in changing cubicle literally metres away, I watched another mum strip off her bikini top and put a new one on, then strip off her bikini bottoms and put on a new pair. She was in the second row of sun loungers directly in front of a very busy family pool. I never did figure out what nationality she was—I only heard her speaking briefly and it wasn’t one of the usual MFL languages that we’re taught in UK schools.

You were changing in a changing room what on Earth did she expect? A young boy seeing some boobs will not harm him at all. 8 year old boys and above should be in the mens. If she didn't want her sons seeing boobs then the the female changing room was not the place to be. My girls have had to go into he men's with their dad when too young to change alone and I fully expect they may have seen some men parts but it doesn't bother me.

No, she said that's what the other woman said. I'm sure they could have squished into the family room. How many children were two women likely to have?

Ultimately, if the possibility of their children seeing boobs is unacceptable to them, they need to find somewhere else to swim which doesn't have open plan changing areas.

It's a CHANGING ROOM!

I am not 12, I am not going do that thing where you put your bra on over your towel and then remove the towel. I face the wall, bra on, everyone keeps their eyes to themselves anyway, job done

She sounds nuts. You should be able to get changed in peace. If the idea of her eight-year old son seeing a semi-undressed woman offends her then she should clearly keep him out of the women's changing room.

God forbid she ever takes her son to the beach in Spain or France where topless sunbathing is acceptable...

Eh what? From this diagram it looks like you were in the adults only section, or right next to it. The family section is all the way to the other side. This woman sounds nuts. I hope the manager told her to stop wasting his time.

@BrieEncounter you were getting changed in a changing room. Quite normal.

This woman was either a prude or a pervert.

Lmao let’s hope she never uses a spa or gym in Germany with her kids.

A lot of these places only have one small cubicle so it’s expected you’ll encounter naked people. I remember being in a changing room with my kids years ago and a woman was getting dried and changed with no effort at all to cover up. I’m not well endowed myself so they’re not used to seeing giant boobs swinging about, they were absolutely creasing themselves laughing and it was me that was mortified 😂😂

The complaint will be to review their setup nothing to do with you personally. Don’t give it another thought.

Not unreasonable at all . What is wrong with some ppl 🙄

I think all changing areas should be cubicle only - I find it uncomfortable when women walk around stark naked in communal areas!