To have been half naked in front of other children?

[BrieEncounter]

I had an encounter yesterday that has made me question myself and whether what I did was inappropriate.

I regularly swim at my local health club and often go during my lunchtimes. With summer holidays there are lots of children there which is, of course, absolutely fine.

The club has separate changing areas: a large open room to one side for families with children (with baby change etc), a large female only changing area that also has at the back a section for ‘adults only’..and then the same for men’s.

I got changed in my usual spot which is in the female changing rooms, but not in the ‘adult only’ section.

When I returned from swimming there were a couple of women also in this area wrangling their children. The kids were all boys but very young: I’d say eldest was 8ish so not old enough to go into the men’s rooms
alone.

I didn’t think much of it and started to get changed after a shower. I’d got my shorts on under my towel and was putting my bra on. I dropped the towel but then realised the straps had loosened so I took it off, adjusted the straps and put it back on again. I had my bra off for maybe 30 seconds whilst doing this.

As I was putting my top on, one of the women started shouting at me and accusing me of flashing her children. That if I was going to be naked I should move to the ‘adults only’ section. I didn’t really know how to respond and pointed out this was a changing room and equally, she could have gone to the family room. She said the room was too small for her and her friend together and I was completely inappropriate.

She then rushed the kids out and said she’d be speaking to the manager on her way out.

There was no one else in this part of the changing rooms but several women (in various states of undress) popped their heads around the corner to see what the fuss was about. I was mortified so just got dressed and packed up as fast as I could.

When I left, I mentioned what had happened to the receptionist who said that someone had made a complaint about inappropriateness with young children in the changing room! She said they had flagged it to the manager who would be in tomorrow (now today) who will review it.

Im due to go at lunchtime and can’t quite believe it.

Was it unreasonable to have been (momentarily) topless in front of young children?

I think you did well to keep it together. Tbh I probably would have just laughed at her but I'm nearly 50 and have no fucks left to give.

She sounds absolutely bonkers!

I don't know why you feel the need to explain that the family were entitled and had other options. Maybe read my comment again.... I've actually found a way for my 8 year old boy to do a swimming lesson later today that doesn't involve me taking him into the ladies changing room at my local pool, because I know he's not entitled to be in there?

At the same time, I wouldn't take my top off in front of an 8 year old boy in a changing room. Both things can be true.

You are not unreasonable at all. Unless you are a man who pretends to be a woman in the female changing room, that is.

In my gym there are 2 changing rooms, male and female, no family rooms. In the female ones there is a designated family bit designed for toddlers with a cot/baby gate but no adults only.

There are also 2 cubicles in the toddler bit and 2 in the main bit.

I don't get changed in a cubicle so I will get undressed in front of children and sometimes those children are of the opposite sex, just like my own. I behave exactly the way I do with mine, get changed as efficiently as possible but people will have seen various bits of me because it's impossible not to. Being as there are only 2 cubicles it's obvious most people will have to get changed with others and that's why it's not mixed sex changing.

All of the public swimming pools I've been in only have cubicles because it's mixed sex changing.

I'm not surprised though, people are insane.

Gosh, if the rule were you couldn't be topless in the open plan changing area (just to be clear, that's not a rule in DL) I actually wouldn't be able to swim as I'm not co-ordinated enough to put my bra on under a towel reliably.

And as a paying member (DL don't charge as much for kids as adults, obviously) I'd feel really narked if I had to wait for one of the two cubicles rather than the large amount of open plan changing.

Sorry all, I came back, had lunch and straight into a meeting

So I stopped at reception in my way in and asked to see the Manager. Luckily he was super lovely about it.

He said that a formal complaint had been made and commented that he’d ’had weirder complaints than a woman getting changed in the ladies changing rooms’ so I think that summarised his views.

Unfortunately it seems in making a formal complaint about this incident (although obviously she couldn’t name me), she’s highlighted the age of her children and the little boys was in fact 9 years old (just apparently). Although they don’t have a super strict policy, their guidance is that 8 and over should be in the appropriate sex changing rooms.

He said he considers the matter closed and would reply that he had investigated and also remind her of their children’s policy on changing rooms. I felt really awful about this as I wouldn’t be comfortable sending a lone boy off to the men’s room but he pointed out that the family room is there for exactly that purpose.

So I don’t think I’ll be hearing anymore about it. It’s a shame though as today it was again a pretty full changing room with a few small kids running around and I did find myself really struggling to keep covered at all times (as adult only section was pretty full). Bit of a shame it’s made me super self conscious!

How strange, are you in the UK? In and around London all gyms I've been to have big open plan changing rooms so if you shower nakedness is going to happen in the changing rooms.

For the record it is NOT illegal for a woman to have her breast out in public the UK, we have equal rights as men to go topless in public people just choose not too.

The onus to PROVE your actions where done to deliberately be 'indecent' (sexual actions) rather than that just being your natural state is on the complainant (them being 'sensitive' to your body does not remove your rights).

Add to that you where in a private female changing room where your SUPPOSE to be getting naked and not doing anything other than dressing the complaint would be deemed ridiculous if raised to the police.

She was at fault for not using the family room and you should think nothing more about it , I’m pleased that the manager sounds like a sensible chap . The mum in question is ridiculous putting in a formal complaint .

TBF I haven't see big open communal changing rooms since the 90s, everywhere I have been has cubical now.

Not saying they don't exist or OP is lying, they use to be common so I imagine still exist somewhere but they aren't the modern standard.

That sounds really positive. It was the other person, not you. Please don't let it get to you!

Bodies are normal!!

This. How would this woman deal with being in a cafe with her children and another woman has her breast exposed briefly as she’s breastfeeding her baby ?
I can’t imagine anyone getting this worked up by another woman changing. Happens on the beach all the time !

If the boy is 9 then I’d make your own formal complaint about a 9 year old boy in the female only changing room, which is against policy and you don’t want an older boy looking at you while you change.

(I’m a single mum of 2 boys, so no dad around to take them swimming. I manage just fine without bringing my 8 year olds into the women’s changing room. She is totally, 100% wrong).

If the boy is 9 then I’d make your own formal complaint about a 9 year old boy in the female only changing room, which is against policy and you don’t want an older boy looking at you while you change.

OP sounds much kinder and more reasonable than the other woman so seems to actually feel bad for her on that front (OP is a better woman than me).

I have belonged to two David Lloyd's, one Virgin and one Nuffield in outer London and all have large open plan changing (with one or two cubicles and a family area).

Local authority pools do sometimes have mostly individual or family cubicles, but that is because their estate is old.

I think the profit making chains prefer open plan because they're easier to clean, you can fit more people in, it reduces the wet side/dry side problem and looks better in photos.

From a safeguarding and security point of view, open plan is probably better.

I dont understand the comment from the manager that the family room is okay for a boy of 9 to change in but the main changing room isnt. Maybe im understanding the diagram wrong but it looks like you walk through changing area to get to family room? If thats the case then the policy is a contradiction of itself?

I wouldn’t have normally. But after her behaviour? And the worry that she’ll be back in there again whilst I change. I’d be concerned about her reaction to me changing and what she is going to shout at me next time. She was incredibly rude to try and embarrass OP the way she did and to then make a malicious complaint… when she is the one bringing a 9 year old into a female only space. Nope. Not on.

I need a laughter emoji. This is brilliant :)

I was just wondering if you are in the US because my experience in London is that they are still standard but that's probably because space is tight here. I would by far prefer the privacy of a cubical.

If her son is in any way affected by seeing nude women, he is too old to be in the female changing room. If the mother is freaked out about her child seeing nudity then she should avoid taking her child to changing rooms.

The private gym where I was a member in Fife had a communal changing room. It's the same in the council run gym where I'm currently a member.

There is a 'changing village' with a mixture of single and family cubicles closer to the swimming pool. This can be slightly problematic - you can see under the doors and there's a space above the cubicles. I notice that bars have been put over those, however.

The last time that I used those cubicles, there was a group of learning disabled young adults using the smaller pool and getting changed in the changing village. The carers were having to keep tabs on one young man who kept calling "I can seeeeeee you!" [I don't think that he was actually peeking at anyone, but it was a bit disconcerting until I realised what was happening.]

Family groups using the sports fields etc do seem to use the changing village adjacent to the pool; I've only ever seen teens who are part of high school netball teams using the women's changing room.

You were totally fine. As you say she could have take her children to the family changing area if she was concerned. At 8 my son would not want to be changing in front of strangers at all but I guess if communal changing was all that was on offer he wouldn’t have a lot of choice.
We are on holiday at the moment and have just been to the beach where women were sunbathing topless, he didn’t even bat an eyelid. I certainly don’t think making a huge deal out of it in front of children is a good idea either. Way to sexualise breasts further and create another generation with misogynistic views.

From what I understand is the female changing room has a family area in which boys under 8 can change. There is an entirely separate family changing room not linked to female changing room at all for boys over 8 and families in general.

Being naked from the waist up for 30 seconds to adjust a bra is hardly 'choosing to be topless'.
This phrase comes perilously close to accusing her of something unsavoury (as does the suggestion from another poster that the OP was 'stripping off'). You should watch that.

They sound like brainless chavs. You could mention to the manager you were being harassed in the changing rooms...see what he says.