AIBU that DP took the key so we couldn’t go out?

WhatJustHappened9 · 2025-08-19T20:04:27+00:00

Im on holiday with DP and my 2 DC from previous relationship. We are in a country visiting family and staying at a villa. DP has been in a shitty mood all day, snapping at most things I say. Me and DC had a snack at about 5.30, DP didn’t want anything. At just after 7, he said he was going for food with his relative, were we going? I just said no. I said no to him as we’d not long since eaten so didn’t want something right now, and to be honest, I didn’t want to be around his shitty mood, it’s best to just leave him be with it. It got to about 8.30 and DC said they were hungry. No probs, we will go and grab something. But I couldn’t find the key. Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?! (I read it like I was being a bit dumb asking because it was so obvious) Erm, by me leaving the key in the key safe if we were to go out. He said it was fine for me to go out as I could just pull the door to lock it. My response was well if you’re not back before us, how are me and DC going to get back in?! We wouldn’t be going far (on foot) so wouldn’t be long. It’s now almost 11 and he’s not back and not said how long so I’m glad I didn’t just go out like I said. I managed to get a takeaway to sort the food situation, but AIBU to be pissed off that he took the key with little to no regards for us?

HappySummerDays · 19/08/2025 21:06

He sounds like a prick. Is he usually like this? What age are your kids?

Zempy · 19/08/2025 21:08

He’s an arsehole. Dump him when you get back. Who does that to kids?

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 19/08/2025 21:08

The two of you need to communicate.

He probably took the key without thinking. He should have brought the key back much earlier.

How old are are your DC?

Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:10

Both pre teens. Agree with the communication comment! It would be useful if I could read minds!

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SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:12

It’s lack of communication. You said no to going dinner on grounds you’d already eaten so he probably thought you’d not be going out and so took the key so he could come back to the villa without waking you up.

Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:32

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:12

It’s lack of communication. You said no to going dinner on grounds you’d already eaten so he probably thought you’d not be going out and so took the key so he could come back to the villa without waking you up.

It was 7.30 when he went out. All the other evenings we’ve been here we’ve gone for a walk around 8pm and for an ice cream when it was a bit cooler so not unreasonable in my opinion for him to have left the key. Been a bit crap stuck in on our holiday!

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Chompingatthebeat · 19/08/2025 21:33

Why aren't you all eating together?

Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:33

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:12

It’s lack of communication. You said no to going dinner on grounds you’d already eaten so he probably thought you’d not be going out and so took the key so he could come back to the villa without waking you up.

And we’d only eaten a snack, we’d not actually eaten dinner. That’s what we wanted to go for.

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Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:34

Chompingatthebeat · 19/08/2025 21:33

Why aren't you all eating together?

Because me and DC hadn’t long since had a snack so wasn’t hungry at that time, so wanted to wait until a bit later

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Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:35

Appreciate people saying he probably didn’t want to wake us, but that’s what the key safe is for

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coxesorangepippin · 19/08/2025 21:36

Fake that you're happy

Get home, then dump him

Who needs this

AudiobookListener · 19/08/2025 21:37

He's either nasty or a very dim bulb.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:38

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:32

It was 7.30 when he went out. All the other evenings we’ve been here we’ve gone for a walk around 8pm and for an ice cream when it was a bit cooler so not unreasonable in my opinion for him to have left the key. Been a bit crap stuck in on our holiday!

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So what? You both failed to communicate about the key when he left in the evening. It’s hardly “stuck in for holiday” from 7:30pm onwards - it’s one evening in with takeaway in a villa. No different from an evening in with room service in a hotel.

You’re both already irritated with each other and trying to determine who is more unreasonable is just manufacturing a reason to row over you both not communicating. For your DC sakes, let this go. It could have happened to anyone.

HappySummerDays · 19/08/2025 21:38

Do your children like him?

Bloodymigraines · 19/08/2025 21:39

You're both at fault for not communicating better, have a proper conversation about meals and when you are all going to eat.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:40

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:33

And we’d only eaten a snack, we’d not actually eaten dinner. That’s what we wanted to go for.

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Yes, but you did not communicate that to him clearly before he left. Who snacks at 5:30pm with preteen DC? Do they have a bedtime of midnight?

Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:45

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:38

So what? You both failed to communicate about the key when he left in the evening. It’s hardly “stuck in for holiday” from 7:30pm onwards - it’s one evening in with takeaway in a villa. No different from an evening in with room service in a hotel.

You’re both already irritated with each other and trying to determine who is more unreasonable is just manufacturing a reason to row over you both not communicating. For your DC sakes, let this go. It could have happened to anyone.

Edited

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Sorry, I didn’t say stuck in for holiday as you quoted me. I said stuck in on our holiday. Im not the room service kind of person and as we’d been in the place all day, the DC had a bit of cabin fever and wanted to go out to eat. Yes me and DC made the most of it with a takeaway, but for us personally, it wasn’t ideal. There is a key safe there for a purpose in my humble opinion. I’ve just posted on here to either make sense of why I’m pissed off at this or whether I’m over reacting, that’s all.

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Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:47

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 19/08/2025 21:40

Yes, but you did not communicate that to him clearly before he left. Who snacks at 5:30pm with preteen DC? Do they have a bedtime of midnight?

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On holiday, yes they’re up later than usual. And my pre teens snack 75 thousand times a day!

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NewBlueNoteBook · 19/08/2025 21:48

I’d be furious about the key.

But I’d also be pretty cross if my DH spoiled his dinner without discussion by eating a substantial snack just before dinner time.

You two both need to get it together.

How embarrassing in front of a relative.

Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:49

HappySummerDays · 19/08/2025 21:38

Do your children like him?

Yes

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Bitzee · 19/08/2025 21:50

If someone said no to dinner at 7.30pm (the time he left) and not yes please but can we go in an hour or something to that effect, I’d probably assume they were not going to have dinner at all because it’s already quite late. So I don’t blame him for that. Your fault for not communicating that you and the kids would want to eat later. 5.30 is dinner time for some people so could have gone either way re eating again. He then took the key so he could get back in without waking you, I know you said there was a safe, but maybe he just didn’t think because walking out without your key is a normal everyday thing you do on autopilot. Not ideal but understandable.

I think you’re maybe reading into it more because he was in a shitty mood all day and there’s a cloud hanging over as a result.

Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:56

NewBlueNoteBook · 19/08/2025 21:48

I’d be furious about the key.

But I’d also be pretty cross if my DH spoiled his dinner without discussion by eating a substantial snack just before dinner time.

You two both need to get it together.

How embarrassing in front of a relative.

Throughout the holiday, we’ve been eating dinner between 8.30 and 9.30pm due to the heat and also culture. So a snack at 5.30 isn’t unreasonable is it? Would it be unreasonable of me to think we’d be eating around the same time tonight as we had done the other nights? Or if the plan was to go earlier then when I offered the snack at 5.30 for my DP to say oh was planning on going out earlier and eating with relative X at 7.30 so don’t fill up on the snack? He’d not made me aware of these plans so I wasn’t aware that I was spoiling my dinner. But from what I can gather it was a spur of the moment arrangement he had made, literally 20 minutes before he left. Had it been an actual pre-made plan, of course I wouldn’t spoil it!

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Original poster

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:57

Bitzee · 19/08/2025 21:50

If someone said no to dinner at 7.30pm (the time he left) and not yes please but can we go in an hour or something to that effect, I’d probably assume they were not going to have dinner at all because it’s already quite late. So I don’t blame him for that. Your fault for not communicating that you and the kids would want to eat later. 5.30 is dinner time for some people so could have gone either way re eating again. He then took the key so he could get back in without waking you, I know you said there was a safe, but maybe he just didn’t think because walking out without your key is a normal everyday thing you do on autopilot. Not ideal but understandable.

I think you’re maybe reading into it more because he was in a shitty mood all day and there’s a cloud hanging over as a result.

Thank you. Appreciate these comments

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ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/08/2025 22:00

You needed to have an actual conversation at the point where it was agreed that he was going out to dinner and you weren’t going with him. He clearly shouldn’t have taken the key, but it’s easily done without thinking. But you should have discussed what you were planning to do with the kids for dinner and what you would both do to make sure no one was locked out. I don’t understand how he said he was going out for dinner and there was no follow up after you said you weren’t. You both need to communicate better.

NewBlueNoteBook · 19/08/2025 22:02

WhatJustHappened9 · 19/08/2025 21:56

Throughout the holiday, we’ve been eating dinner between 8.30 and 9.30pm due to the heat and also culture. So a snack at 5.30 isn’t unreasonable is it? Would it be unreasonable of me to think we’d be eating around the same time tonight as we had done the other nights? Or if the plan was to go earlier then when I offered the snack at 5.30 for my DP to say oh was planning on going out earlier and eating with relative X at 7.30 so don’t fill up on the snack? He’d not made me aware of these plans so I wasn’t aware that I was spoiling my dinner. But from what I can gather it was a spur of the moment arrangement he had made, literally 20 minutes before he left. Had it been an actual pre-made plan, of course I wouldn’t spoil it!

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Oh dear. In which case you are back to needing to have better communication and planning between you.