AIBU that DP took the key so we couldn’t go out?

[WhatJustHappened9]

Im on holiday with DP and my 2 DC from previous relationship. We are in a country visiting family and staying at a villa. DP has been in a shitty mood all day, snapping at most things I say. Me and DC had a snack at about 5.30, DP didn’t want anything. At just after 7, he said he was going for food with his relative, were we going? I just said no. I said no to him as we’d not long since eaten so didn’t want something right now, and to be honest, I didn’t want to be around his shitty mood, it’s best to just leave him be with it.

It got to about 8.30 and DC said they were hungry. No probs, we will go and grab something. But I couldn’t find the key. Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?! (I read it like I was being a bit dumb asking because it was so obvious)
Erm, by me leaving the key in the key safe if we were to go out.

He said it was fine for me to go out as I could just pull the door to lock it. My response was well if you’re not back before us, how are me and DC going to get back in?!

We wouldn’t be going far (on foot) so wouldn’t be long. It’s now almost 11 and he’s not back and not said how long so I’m glad I didn’t just go out like I said. I managed to get a takeaway to sort the food situation, but AIBU to be pissed off that he took the key with little to no regards for us?

Nope.

He asked about dinner, he has never communicated the intention to take the key with him, knowing perfectly well that they often go out in the evening. He was actively limiting their choices by taking the key.

When you have one key at the holiday, you don't presume, you communicate before taking it away.

He sounds awful. Does he have MH problems? Why is he in a shitty mood on holiday,? I couldnt be arsed with his behaviour tbh!

You are unreasonable for choosing such an inconsiderate aggressive man to be your partner and subjecting your kids to his shitty moods. Why such a desperation to have a prick man in your life? I’m sure that not leaving the key is just one of the multiple incidents/ passive aggressive behavior examples. Man isn’t the most important thing to have in your life. You don’t have to tolerate anything, you will be fine without him.

Some weird responses on this thread.

OP says it’s normal hit them to go out for a late walk/bite to eat so DP going much earlier at 7.30 means that he should have realised they might want to go out later.

Even if he hadn’t realised, when OP messaged him he shouldn’t have told her just to go out as he clearly wasn’t planning on being back to let them back in. If she’d listened to him she’d have been stuck on the doorstep with the kids for quite literally hours, bearing in mind he wasn’t back by 11pm.

OP, you haven’t done anything wrong here. Is he normally controlling or mean? Or just thoughtless? I’d be very pissed off about this - but I’d hate to be locked out with the DC, so that’s probably why.

He sounds unpleasant. Is he often like this?

It's really, really not

He’d gone out in the car. I was on foot so probably not an option for me to walk when he had driven.

It’s not about expecting him to read my mind. I’m just asking about the whole situation about him taking the key.

It’s not about eating at whatever time or eating what when. It’s about him taking the key so we were unable to do anything. Whether it be go out for food, an ice cream, a walk or a late night beach walk.

Sorry, how am I obsessed with “the little things like this often”? How are his shitty moods (and reading between the lines, this situation) my fault?

Yes I am an adult and have no problem feeding my children when there is food in the house and / or I have access and means to get to a shop. Last night I had neither which is why I was pissed off. So I got a takeaway delivered.

Thank you! You get it!

No. I didn’t realise he was going out with relative. Like I said in a previous reply, he’d made those plans about 20 minutes before actually going out, so a casual arrangement.

Also to mention the relative he went out with we see on a very regular basis in the UK. They are here at the same time also visiting.
and yes on the most part the holiday is about visiting . But we are holidaying as well!

You could’ve gone to dinner they’re teenagers they would’ve found space. If you dudnt want to go to dinner him specifically then this should’ve been communicated. As he would’ve made choices based on the information he had which is that you had all eaten.

unless you’ve been leaving the key in the key safe when you go out it might not have occurred to him.

do you actually think he has purposely taken the key, because if he had then that would be a massive red flag and you need to leave.

or are ascribing malice because you guys are in a tiff and it was just a miscalculation. Only you know what you actually think…

one of these you let go and enjoy your holiday. The other one you end the relationship.

To be frank, at that time, if someone said they were not coming to dinner (as had eaten), I would have also taken the key thinking I would have been the only one going out and coming back. I wouldn’t have taken it to have been an arsehole, it just would have seemed like common sense to me?

Overreaction much?

Sounds like he’s punishing you.
You need to talk.

This! The fact others like@SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice are gaslighting her is so worrying.

@WhatJustHappened9 What is he like at home? Trying to work out whether this is a one off or a behaviour pattern.

I can't believe the comments on this thread berating the OP! Partner has been in a shitty mood all day, made unexpected short notice, early dinner plans & took the key knowing full well there's a key safe. Let's also remember he ignored OPs call and text to ask about the key initially. You are most definitely not being unreasonable OP and I'd be furious!

DP has been in a shitty mood all day, snapping at most things I say.

Poor kids. Your children shouldn’t be exposed to this. Dump him when you get home.

Neither communicated because you wee angry, otherwise you’d have said more than “no” to dinner.

You would’ve said, no just had a snack but I’ll grab something later.

He decided to punish you for your justifiable lack of communication and not going to dinner, so therefore like an arse took the keys, when a very viable solution was available,

He’d been an arse all day and decided instead of trying to remedy the situation, he’d add to it.

I bloody hope he’s woken up in a better mood, apologised for his behaviour and will make amends.

Arse he is!!

It’s not overreacting to protect your kids from a man who can sustain a shitty mood all day. That is NOT normal.

But not divorce making stuff either…. Middle ground is there!

Exactly this. He's not even their father so I don't see any good arguments in favour of him remaining in their lives. Its bad enough when the adult whose mood swings ruin your family holiday is your actual parent.

Because he's behaving like a