AIBU that DP took the key so we couldn’t go out?

[WhatJustHappened9]

Im on holiday with DP and my 2 DC from previous relationship. We are in a country visiting family and staying at a villa. DP has been in a shitty mood all day, snapping at most things I say. Me and DC had a snack at about 5.30, DP didn’t want anything. At just after 7, he said he was going for food with his relative, were we going? I just said no. I said no to him as we’d not long since eaten so didn’t want something right now, and to be honest, I didn’t want to be around his shitty mood, it’s best to just leave him be with it.

It got to about 8.30 and DC said they were hungry. No probs, we will go and grab something. But I couldn’t find the key. Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?! (I read it like I was being a bit dumb asking because it was so obvious)
Erm, by me leaving the key in the key safe if we were to go out.

He said it was fine for me to go out as I could just pull the door to lock it. My response was well if you’re not back before us, how are me and DC going to get back in?!

We wouldn’t be going far (on foot) so wouldn’t be long. It’s now almost 11 and he’s not back and not said how long so I’m glad I didn’t just go out like I said. I managed to get a takeaway to sort the food situation, but AIBU to be pissed off that he took the key with little to no regards for us?

Good advice. Horrible man. Everyone gets bad moods, but normal people don’t take it out on children.

He sounds insufferable. What a miserable holiday he’s making it.

Awful behaviour from him.
Shitty behaviour all day then goes out leaves you stuck in unable to leave.
Find your anger.

I suspect you have a low relationship bar.
Good men are considerate.
He isn't.
You need to protect your children from him and his nasty moods.
You shouldn't be accepting this for your children.
They deserve better.

Your children will see his behaviour and your low stardards clearly, they always do.
That is what they will remember.
Wake up.

Messaged DP, no answer, then phoned him, no answer, then I got a message to say he had the key because how else was he going to get in the villa if we decided to go out?!

This does not read as a power play to me. Maybe a bit thick and thoughtless (yes I'm aware there was a key safe but if it's not your normal routine / habits then easy to just put the key in your pocket!) but come on.

And the part about if he considered it a mistake, he would say sorry and suggest some options - at least communicate the time he would be back?

I can assure you it’s not the case that I am controlling, far far from it! I would’ve just appreciated a little consideration!
Had I done the same thing in error, my reaction would’ve been completely different.
If he wasn’t expecting that I go out for food (or a walk / ice cream / whatever) later than when he left, why then would he be worried about not being able to get back in? I’m a late night person so I would’ve been awake. Or on the off chance I did go to bed, like I said, I could’ve put the key in the key safe.

A friend of mine was in an abusive relationship and being locked into the house was how it started. He would accidently take her keys with him when going out and lock her in.

Yes but if me and DC had gone out, how were WE going to get back in if he had the key?! Doesn’t make sense!

The villa should come with 2 keys.

Nope he didn't communicate with her about the keys. She didn't know he took them!. The children are not his children so she doesn't have to put up with him for their sake! Thank goodness!

Yeah this.

Also, who has a snack so big that it ruins a family dinner planned for later on?

But you said you didn't want to go out!!!

It’s got 1, believe me, I wouldn’t have a problem if it had 2 keys!

At 7pm! She said she didn't want to go out at 7pm - not that she didn't want to go out for the rest of the evening!!!

Yes that is the issue. To unthinkingly take a key on autopilot is one thing, but if my DH did this he would apologise and return the key. It’s pretty obvious with children that you might want to go for a stroll or something, when the day cools down. To me it seems like petty revenge that he left you there unable to get back in, if you went out to eat or have an ice cream.

He said are you coming now for food, I said no. Me saying no to food right there and then doesn’t mean I want to be cooped up without the means to go out if we wanted? And like I’ve said, if he wasn’t expecting us to go out, he’d have no problem getting back in (because we could open up) so wouldn’t need the key anyway.

She wasn't locked in the house!!! Jesus Christ some of these comments.

OP said that her and DC didn't want to go out for food.
DP went out and took key with him (thoughtless but not abuse territory)
DP thought that because OP said they didn't want to go out for dinner, they weren't going out so didn't need the key.
Front door was in fact open (as is evident by the fact that OP had a takeaway delivered) so they weren't "locked in".

I can't really see how this is such a huge issue tbh. My DH did the same not so long ago (when our builders had the second set of keys for a couple of days). Went out, took the keys so he didn't have to wake me when he came in but forgetting I couldn't lock up (or leave the house myself) without them. Bit of a pain in the arse but not really the end of the world.

Well seeing as though you said he wasn't back at almost 11 then he probably assumed you would be asleep?!?!

Have you not understood? Dinner wasn't planned.

So why not just say "I might be going out later so please can you leave the key?" without all the game playing!!!

I gathered. It should have 2 though. 2 is perfectly normal to allow for precisely this scenario: different guests doing different things with different arrival and departure times. Can you contact the owners and ask for a second?

LTB. What if there had been a fire would u have been anle
to
get out elsewhere??
he’s a controlling dik

Hmm, to me it sounds like he didn't take the key to be mean, but just didn't really think about it. He was moody, so you were moody back to him when you decided to eat with your kids at 5🕜/ he asked if you wanted to come for food so he just left (not thinking about keys). When you then text him he probably realised he had fucked up but, still in a mood, wasn't going to apologise/ accept fault.

It sounds basically like bad communication and stropping, mainly on his side. I'd be really annoyed too, but I just don't think it sounds like he did it on purpose.

🙄

There is a key safe, so the person leaving later can put the keys there for the person coming back first.