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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

402 replies

StrugglingSM28 · 19/08/2025 16:38

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

OP posts:
Original poster
StrugglingSM28 · 19/08/2025 16:41

*We are not married.

OP posts:
Iris2020 · 19/08/2025 16:42

It sounds like he's already getting a really good deal already.

amber763 · 19/08/2025 16:44

You are paying your fair share! More than! You absolutely should not be paying 95% of bills though. What does he pay? Just his mortgage and 5% of bills? That's not on. My partner lives with me in my flat. The mortgage is my own responsibility and bills and food are 50/50. Also why are you doing all the work around the house? Honestly I'd not want to be doing this. He's quids in and doesn't have to do any housework? His mortgage increase is his own problem.

Mrsttcno1 · 19/08/2025 16:45

Is he actually saying it is your problem though, or is he just letting you know he can’t afford to save because of the other costs he has?

Takenoprisoner · 19/08/2025 16:45

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here

Why on earth are you doing this? this is madness? Honestly you're just servicing his life as well as his children's. I don't even know where to start with the finances.

Honestly just move out. He sees you as a domestic appliance and is now seeing you as a cash cow.

LearnSomeSocialSkills · 19/08/2025 16:45

Ask him how much he thinks he could save if you moved back to your own property and he paid his own bills. Total CF.
His increased costs would be there if you weren’t, he’s getting more than enough if your money is paying 95% of bills, and he gets a free housekeeper!
What are you getting out of this relationship apart from snide remarks?

FlippityFlippityFlop · 19/08/2025 16:45

You've been together 18 months - that's not that long in the grand scheme of things.
If I were you I would only be putting money for bills into the shared account. You need to keep your savings separate for when/if you buy together.
How much are you paying? And what is he paying. His children's costs are his alone!

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/08/2025 16:46

So basically he pays mortage and 5 percent the bills? Yet hes moaning that he has to pay child maintenance etc? Thats not your problem.
i would look at getting your tenants out and moving back into your own property, hes taking the piss out of you.

Neveranynamesleft · 19/08/2025 16:46

Do not marry or have children with this guy. He is using you.

onceuponatimeinneverland · 19/08/2025 16:47

Sounds like he's jealous you've got a payrise.

Who is forking out for food, holidays, nights out etc? Do you end up doing childcare alone?

Is the loss you are incurring on your house a lot - ie are you having to subsidise your house bills out of salary/savings?

On the face of it it sounds quite equitable on the money front and it's not your fault that mortgage and child cost have gone up. The housework/food shopping etc sounds very unbalanced. Sounds like you are running around after him and his kids. And 'all' he's paying out is the mortage.

HeddaGarbled · 19/08/2025 16:47

Oh, you have to stop doing all the housework. He’s a cheeky sod.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/08/2025 16:47

I would be ending this relationship, it's not even a relationship really, you are subsidising him and his children already and he wants more of your money, he feels entitled to it.
I would transfer my fair share of the savings and move.

Daisyvodka · 19/08/2025 16:48

Why are you doing 95% of the housework?

FortheloveofCheesus · 19/08/2025 16:49

Yanbu but you aren't just renting a room are you, you are sharing the whole house. However, you aren't part owning it so wouldn't be expecting to contribute a full share only something more akin to rent.

SpaceRaccoon · 19/08/2025 16:49

Why are you doing all the housework?

Enrichetta · 19/08/2025 16:50

He is a user.

Don't put money into a joint account. He could empty it at any time.

Personally I would move out at the earliest opportunity.

Im willing to bet that, if you stay - especially if you buy a house together - this will end acrimoniously.

Moveoverdarlin · 19/08/2025 16:50

He has three people to house and feed - you have one. His outgoings should be a lot more than you. Keep reiterating ‘Why am I paying for your kids? I’m a single person, you’re a father of three.’

BeenThereBackThen · 19/08/2025 16:50

He clearly is not happy that mortgage going up by £800 means he can save less. That is not your problem.

If a boiler breaks down in your property that you are renting out, will he happily share the cost so that you can save more? Doubt it.

His children and related costs are not your problem, agree.

Tbh, what sounds unfair is you doing 95% of housework. So he’s got a live in cleaner and cook and also wants to charge you extra for the privilege.

Im sure there are many ways of looking at this. But i think he will try to save on your expense. I’d say no to that, what you do now feels more than fair.

Itstheshowgirl · 19/08/2025 16:51

As others have said if you weren’t there then he would be paying out even more and be doing all his own housework so he is definitely the one winning from this arrangement, some cheek of him to think he deserves more.

Obviously his child related costs are not your problem.

I would say though OP that if you aren’t on the same page financially then this probably isn’t a great relationship to stay in. He is showing his colours already so consider it lucky that you haven’t bought a house with him yet.

Financial compatibility (attitude not earnings) is a key part of a happy relationship IMO.

BabyCatFace · 19/08/2025 16:51

Why do you pay 95% of the household bills? You're already supplementing him. And you do 95% of the housework? In his house that he lived in before you lived there? Are you a mug?

PoshDuckQuarkQuark · 19/08/2025 16:51

@StrugglingSM28 if there is any negotiation to be done it is you continuing to pay the same but he does 50% of all housework rather than you doing 95%.

Or... he massively reduces your rent due to all the extra stuff you do.

You've shacked up with a mummys boy. Run a mile!!!

Why did he split with his ex?

jonthebatiste · 19/08/2025 16:52

Ask him what he'd be paying if you weren't in his life, then tell him you'll cover your costs ie half the bills (or whatever lesser proportion given his children are there some of the time and you won't be paying for them) and market rent for a house shared between 3 (him and his two children (counting as one) for half the time). You'd still be doing him a favour financially.

Do not do more than 50% of the chores.

Do not do any of the chores for his children.

Ordinarily I would never be so tight and strict with money but seeing as you're intent on pursuing a relationship with and buying a house with a man who sees you like a cash machine, there to make his life easier, you should respond in like. He's seen you coming. A woman who will keep his house, share the burden of children, help ease his own financial burden, have sex with him - all while he makes snide remarks and challenges your right to protect yourself while you're making a financial loss moving in with him to improve his life in the aforementioned ways. Dickhead.

DaisyChain505 · 19/08/2025 16:52

Why are you doing 95% of the housework etc?

You’re setting yourself up for failure. You are both meant to be an equal partnership so why is he not doing his fair share in the household?

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 19/08/2025 16:53

Would it be cheaper for you to move back into your own place? Seems like the logical thing to do at this point. It sounds like the financial gain is all his. Plus he apparently has a free housekeeper if you’re doing most of the housework. Seriously, what is the benefit for you in this arrangement because I can’t see any?

Zempy · 19/08/2025 16:55

Why are you doing this? I don’t understand.

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