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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

402 replies

StrugglingSM28 · 19/08/2025 16:38

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

OP posts:
Radiowaawaa · 19/08/2025 17:27

We did it the other way around, I had dc and dh didn’t so I had more people to pay for.

When we first started living together I had 4 dc so I paid 4/5 and he paid 1/5. He wouldn’t have needed such a big house if it wasn’t for me and my dc.

Don’t buy a property with him.

Ddakji · 19/08/2025 17:28

Now that you’ve put that all down in black and white, you’re next question should be, why I am still with this man?

You’re not married so I wouldn’t have any joint finances, by the way.

Lindy2 · 19/08/2025 17:28

Well he's got a good deal and you have not.

He should be paying his mortgage and half of your joint bills.

You are presumably paying your mortgage on your property. The rent you receive is part of your income for your financial commitments ie your mortgage and property costs.

How have you allowed yourself to be left with doing 95% of household chores, paying all his bills and paying your own mortgage? I'm flabbergasted he still wants more money from you. His kids are not your financial responsibility.

To be honest you've moved in together far too soon. If I was you I'd move back in to your own home as soon as your current tenants rent agreement ends. He can then deal with all of his own finances and his household chores and you deal with yours.

Juniperberry55 · 19/08/2025 17:30

Just read your other thread where he wants you to be a proper step parent because he doesn't like his own children.
So he doesn't want to parent them and he wants you to basically pay everything for him
@StrugglingSM28 what do you actually like about this relationship?

Studyunder · 19/08/2025 17:32

FlippityFlippityFlop · 19/08/2025 16:45

You've been together 18 months - that's not that long in the grand scheme of things.
If I were you I would only be putting money for bills into the shared account. You need to keep your savings separate for when/if you buy together.
How much are you paying? And what is he paying. His children's costs are his alone!

This. Plus you’re making a loss on your own property for the sake of living with him, seriously?

AquaFurball · 19/08/2025 17:33

Rent a room with bills included until you can move back into your own property.

Remove your half of the savings from the joint account immediately.

He isn't going to get better, his snide remarks and expectations of you to cover practically all the bills when he has children living there half the time too is a huge red flag.

Get out before you end up paying his child maintenance.

Ddakji · 19/08/2025 17:33

Juniperberry55 · 19/08/2025 17:30

Just read your other thread where he wants you to be a proper step parent because he doesn't like his own children.
So he doesn't want to parent them and he wants you to basically pay everything for him
@StrugglingSM28 what do you actually like about this relationship?

Oh god, there’s always another thread.

Why do women stay with these men?

FrogFalacy · 19/08/2025 17:35

Juniperberry55 · 19/08/2025 17:30

Just read your other thread where he wants you to be a proper step parent because he doesn't like his own children.
So he doesn't want to parent them and he wants you to basically pay everything for him
@StrugglingSM28 what do you actually like about this relationship?

Totally this! I don’t get why op didn’t explain finances bank in her first post the other week - she would have gotten very different answers! Likewise if in this post she’d said he doesn’t want to parent his children and is also expecting me to do that and being very emotionally manipulative it paints a very clear picture and I think most people’s advice based on him wanting you to pay for everything, be the house keeper and nanny would be

drum roll

YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/08/2025 17:35

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/08/2025 16:46

So basically he pays mortage and 5 percent the bills? Yet hes moaning that he has to pay child maintenance etc? Thats not your problem.
i would look at getting your tenants out and moving back into your own property, hes taking the piss out of you.

OMG., OP. He's taking you for an absolute MUG

95 % of the bills.
95% of the household chores.
Are you doing 95% of the childcare too?

And WHY are you putting YOUR savings into a joint account. to pay for a new house deposit
Is'nt it funny that you get a pay rise and suddenly he can't afford to pay as much into the savings..

so soon, you could be contributing 95% into the savings as well!!! As its a joint account he could dip into that at any time. Get your money out of there an into an individual savings account and then you can decide how much equity you put into the next place, especially as it looks like he wants you to pay the lions share, but if its from a joint account it will be harder to argue that won't it.

I also dont like the fact that he made "snide"comments to you about your pay rise.

Don't be a mug. OP.

Mauvehoodie · 19/08/2025 17:36

I think you're already being more than fair financially and definitely shouldn't be doing 95% of the housework etc!

I think some PPs have misread that you're paying 95% of the bills including mortgage but I understood it that you're paying 95% of bills but not contributing to his mortgage so not as bad.

Anyway, basically he's much better off with you there than alone and he doesn't even have to (barely) do any housework.

WillyWonkasPurpleHat · 19/08/2025 17:36

What do you get from this wonderful, loving, safe caring relationship @StrugglingSM28

TabbyCatInAPoolofSunshine · 19/08/2025 17:36

Your contribution is the market rate for renting a room in the area, plus you do all the housework and food shopping (does that mean you're paying for all the food?).

Do you have a room for your sole use or do you actually rent space in your "partner's" bed and wardrobe?

If you don't have your own room you're being had.

If you do then you're already paying market rate, why would you have to pay more?

If it's about dividing costs divide absolutely everything by however many people live in the house - if his two children share a room and are with him 50% then count them as one person, you're one person, he's one person, so he pays 2/3 of everything for himself and 50% of two children and you pay 1/3 of everything.

Imaybeoldbutstillrandy · 19/08/2025 17:37

Sounds like a bit of a pink flag to me. He's expecting you to do 95% of housework why? Now he's expecting you to contribute towards his children.

Are you certain that he can't remove funds from your joint account without your signature? If not make sure that he can't.

I'd be starting to prepare for my relationship to go pear shaped.

I have a friend who has recently moved her partner into her home. She earns vastly more than her partner & it's her house. He has children & pays maintenance (good for him, so many father's don't & make excuses like 'I buy them shoes etc when they need them' ignoring the fact that the children need a house with the council tax paid, utilities, food etc) but she has got a rent book for him & he pays her rent which is put into the book. She also sends him an invoice every quarter for his share of the bills. As she says she's been shafted once by her ex & now wants to make sure if he leaves everything is accounted for & he can't claim any part of her house.

I'm not sure where she would stand legally, but at least she feels happier that his financial responsibilities are in writing. I'm also not sure if I would go that far. But she was seriously taken advantage of from a previous partner, so I understand if it gives her peace of mind.

BTW she has a whiteboard in her kitchen with all the jobs that need doing, when & who's responsible.

But then she has the same arrangement for her 2 adult children (aged 21 & 19) who still live at home.

Studyunder · 19/08/2025 17:37

Suggest he moves into a place with you, rents his house out at a loss AND does 95% housework.
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander…
I know this is all easier said than done, so sorry if I came across as harsh with my last comment. It just gives me the rage to continually hear about all the crap we women often put up with and still try to keep the peace. Hope you can reach an agreement together.

AirborneElephant · 19/08/2025 17:38

It really does sound like he feels he’s entitled to both your time and money. I would be refusing to increase, his mortgage is not your problem and I’m sure yours has gone up as well or will do. And I’d be taking my contributions back out of the joint savings account and putting them in my own name. Before he starts spending them. He can do the same and if you still really want to buy together you can merge them then.

autienotnaughty · 19/08/2025 17:38

Bills should be 50/50
morgage should be his but reasonable for you to pay some rent maybe 50% of a like for like rental fee
House hold jobs should 50/50
food - depends how often he has his kids if he had them full time I’d say 75% him 25% you
kids expenses - 100% him

why do you want to live with someone you have to clean up after

Moveoverdarlin · 19/08/2025 17:39

I would move back in to your own house. Sounds like after 18 months, you are subsidising another couple’s kids. No fucking way I would do this. They are his kids to house and feed - not yours. Maybe after 10 years I could understand it…but 18 months? No way. You’d be miles better off without him, and he’d be miles WORSE off with you. That tells you everything.

Juniperberry55 · 19/08/2025 17:39

Mauvehoodie · 19/08/2025 17:36

I think you're already being more than fair financially and definitely shouldn't be doing 95% of the housework etc!

I think some PPs have misread that you're paying 95% of the bills including mortgage but I understood it that you're paying 95% of bills but not contributing to his mortgage so not as bad.

Anyway, basically he's much better off with you there than alone and he doesn't even have to (barely) do any housework.

Edited

But she is paying 95% of the bills
Doing 95% of the housework
He doesn't like his own children and wants op to step up her parenting responsibilities for his children
She's losing money on her home she's had to rent out
And she pays into joint savings and now she's got a pay rise , he wants her to pay him more, so that would mean paying towards the mortgage too.... On what planet does that sound like a fair split

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/08/2025 17:40

FrogFalacy · 19/08/2025 17:35

Totally this! I don’t get why op didn’t explain finances bank in her first post the other week - she would have gotten very different answers! Likewise if in this post she’d said he doesn’t want to parent his children and is also expecting me to do that and being very emotionally manipulative it paints a very clear picture and I think most people’s advice based on him wanting you to pay for everything, be the house keeper and nanny would be

drum roll

YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM

Edited
Show quote history

I agree... I'm going to say it LTB

Also just clocked that you are making a loss on the rental of your own property - and the overall effect is that you are heavily subsidising this man and doing all his housework too.

What is in it for you?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 19/08/2025 17:40

He cannot save the same amount as you when he has two children.
You shouldn't be expected to pay more, he shouldn't be expected to save the same about of money.
Move home until you're ready to buy, rent a room out towards savings.

EatingHealthy · 19/08/2025 17:40

Considering the finances in isolation - When you say renting your property makes a loss what do you mean? Surely it doesn't cost you more to rent it out than to leave it sat empty. Do you actually mean it's not covering your mortgage, which is not making a loss, just not making enough profit to cover your mortgage. How does what you're paying your partner compare to what you're receiving as rent (less any associated costs) and what your bills would be if you were still living in your own place?

The fact that you're doing 95% of the housework is a different issue and just wrong.

BigCity · 19/08/2025 17:41

I suggest you move your 50% savings before you have further conversations. You should not pay more than 50% bills excluding child and mortgage costs. Even 50% is generous given there are 4 people there some of the time. He shouldn’t accept your ‘rent’ or more than half bills if he doesn’t want you to claim a legal interest in his property.

Jojimoji · 19/08/2025 17:45

His house is 100 % his.
You pay 95% of the bills and do 95% of the housework.
This is a situation already staggeringly in his favour.....and he's asking for more?

Joker.

Purplecatshopaholic · 19/08/2025 17:45

Ooft, he’s getting a good deal. Do not be pressured to pay more. His kids costs are his. Plus he’s getting a cheap cleaner/housekeeper at the moment..

LimoncelloSpritzplease · 19/08/2025 17:46

Sounds like he is onto a very good thing and wants to up his game. I think you pay the equivalent in rent for a one bed studio say in your area and no more and no more than 40% of bills and other expenses (as his children will be eating into the costs).

The mortgage on a house to accommodate his kids is down to him. He also needs to get on board with his share of the housework. Maybe look at how much it would cost for a cleaner for two hours a week not including doing any laundry, cooking or adhoc childcare input.

Think what would happen if you split up tomorrow.