Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

[StrugglingSM28]

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

Didn't mean to quote poster.
Give your tenants notice.

I was wondering this.

I've no idea why he's complaining, when you do all the work in the house and pay all the bills except the mortgage.

If your place is making a loss then you are paying him to live there. Can you go back to your place and use the money you currently use to pay for everyone else, in order to pay your mortgage?

Why hasn't he been on top of his mortgage so that it didn't go up by £800?

The fact he's looking to you to solve his financial problems should tell you everything.

Why are you doing any of this?
He expects you to pay for him and his kids AND nanny his kids, cook, clean and provide sex.

Most prostitutes get a better deal woth their pimp.

Dump him and move out. A studio has to be cheaper than almost 100% bills on a family house

I’d ditch the joint savings for starters.

So you are paying most of the costs and doing most of the domestic labour.

Do you really need to ask?

Honestly, this! Just find someone you can start a blank slate with. He sounds like a user!

I agree with this & I hope you will listen to us.
He's trying to exploit you already, he'll be pressing you much harder if you're trapped because you've bought a house with him.
I know you think that if only you could find the right words to explain things to him he would realise and want to treat you fairly.
The truth is that he experiences your kindness as weakness and when he smells weakness he goes into 'dominate & exploit' mode.

Well he saw £££££££ when he looked at you didn't he!
And a free cleaner and maid to boot........

You absolute fool.

This a strange set up especially as you only being in a relationship for 18 months. I think you have moved too quickly. The current arrangement doesn't make any sense.

Get out now
Also get some therapy to learn self respect and worth

Hi op he sounds like a cock lodger but in his own house. I would not being saving together in case it didn’t work out. he’s already warning you he can’t contribute as much as you so be careful but definitely 50/50 for bills and a contribution to his mortgage as rent or move home and be in your own place and when he’s ready to be a partner who does more then consider the new house. He must have done more before you moved in so why are you not letting him carry on but pitch in so you are not doing 95% .

How did his mortgage go up by £800? That seems a lot.

sorry if this has been answered

I smell bullshit. His mortgage probably has gone up but are you sure it’s by £800. If so he must have a ginormous mortgage for it to have increased by that amount.

You are making a loss on your property, plus during void periods you will have to cover all expenses, repairs and have wear and tear.

I would look at the household expenses but since you are getting no equity in his house he should be paying 50%. I would also suggest getting a cleaner which he can pay for as well since it doesn’t sound like he does a lot in the hours.

Never discuss pay rises or bonuses again and instead moan about your back tax bill, increased pension contributions and all the repairs you need to fork out for in your house!

So, @StrugglingSM28, you have another 5 pages of advice which I expect was similar, but perhaps more forceful than your previous one (which I vaguely remember).

This must be very difficult, but you need to act and leave this man. You know this is never going to end well for you if you stay. He is exploiting you already and it will only get worse.

Once he senses that the tide has turned he’ll do one of two things - or possibly both in rotation: sweet talk you vs controlling and abusing you. So do plan your exit carefully.

Your home is rented, so I hope you are aware of the impending changes to the rental laws which will make no fault evictions impossible. So you need to issue a Section 21 notice to your tenants now and be prepared to follow up with a Section 8 if they don’t vacate. Check out LandlordZone and/or seek legal advice if you are unsure of the process.

And doing the Freedom Programme might be a good idea.

Why are you doing any of this?
He expects you to pay for him and his kids AND nanny his kids, cook, clean and provide sex.

Most prostitutes get a better deal with their pimp than your getting

Dump him and move out.
A studio has to be cheaper than almost 100% bills on a family house

That’s correct. I don’t currently pay towards the mortgage. The mortgage is 3x more than the bills. We split food costs.

I’m struggling to understand how his mortgage could go up by £800. That’s a huge increase unless he lives in a mansion. It’s convenient that the mortgage rose at the same time you got your pay rise, isn’t it? I would also move out. The fact that he lets you do 95% of the housework shows that he thinks that’s your job - to cater to him and his kids. Honestly, I’d be out of there before you end up as some sort of servant and paying for the opportunity.

Are you doing his laundry, if so then why?

I don’t think he’s one to keep tbh. Move back to your own place.

I would not be saving into a joint account in your shoes, absolutely not. This relationship is not equal, he is benefiting financially to your detriment as it is. Also, as PP have said, stop doing all the housework! Ffs. It's not the 1960s.

He'll have known in advance his mortgage was going up. As have many folks. It's not your problem.

50/50?

I hope not

But by paying 95% of bills, you are in effect contributing towards the mortgage - just that's not the column he's putting that money under.

You shouldn't be paying more than 50% of bills - excluding the mortgage. That would be more fair.

I somehow expect that when you decline to contribute any more, he'll kick off.
No way should you be paying 95 pc of outgoings. That's ridiculous and you know it.
You've both got a mortgage/house expenses and as not married, they are yours alone, nothing to do with each other. His mortgage increase is down to him and I can't imagine how a £800 increase could happen over a couple of months. Only he has kids, that's all on him.
How on earth did you arrive at the 95 pc 'rent' in the first place? He's taking you for a mug and you're letting him at this point.
Sit him down again and explain how unfair it seems on you. How he reacts will tell you everything you need to know.