Should I be expected to pay more towards the house because my partner has kids?

[StrugglingSM28]

I’m in need of some advice please.

I have been with my partner for around 18 months now. I moved into his home and I rent my property out (but it makes a loss). For context, he has 2 children who are with us part time.

Recently, he has suggested that we re-look at all household finances due to things going up. I have always been happy to revisit the numbers, as long as it remains fair.

I’ve worked out that my rent covers 95% of our household bills, for example, council tax, electricity, gas, home insurance, TV license, broadband etc. I’ve also done some market research which shows that my contribution is the market rate for renting a room including bills in our area.

I have always been clear that the mortgage should be absorbed by him as I have no legal right to the property. We are planning to buy a property together in a few years time and will both sell our respective homes.

Recently, I have moved jobs and received a significant pay rise. In the last month, his mortgage has gone up by £800. And this paired with a few snide remarks in recent weeks is why I suspect he wants to look at the numbers again.

We are both saving equally into a joint account for our future home and holidays etc but more recently, despite earning more than me he has alluded to the fact he is unable to save more personally because of his other fixed costs (which all existed before we met), child maintenance etc. and other child costs. But that’s not my problem :(

I also do around 95% of the housework, including food shopping, cooking etc, so it’s not like I am having a free ride here.

So AIBU to put my foot down and say that I am already paying my fair share?

I’m also dubious about the £800. How on earth has it gone up that much? Has he taken equity out? I am on a fixed rate of about 1.5% which is coming to an end. Remortgage deals are currently about 4%. For every £100k, you’re looking at about £100 per percentage point per month. So to get to £800 per month his deal would need to have gone up either 8%, or he’d need to have an outstanding mortgage of say £400k that’s gone up by 2%, or £300k and increased by 2.5%. And to get a £300k to £400k mortgage by himself he’d have to be on somewhere between £60k to £100k.

So he’s cocklodging in his own home?

Seriously he’s taking you for a mug. The mortgage and his expenses for his kids are absolutely on him and then you should be splitting 50/50 bills food etc.

And why on earth are you acting like a housemaid and paying him for the privilege? He’s taking the piss - please reconsider buying a place with this freeloading twat.

Blimey I admire your optimism, still considering putting your relationship on a more formal footing. He's taking you for a mug. Do some more work on the finances, documenting the exact costs of everything non-mortgage, then have a talk with him, explaining your decision. If he argues for a greater contribution prepare to move back to your loss-making property. He's no prince.

I think I’d be willing to pay a bigger % of the bills because you’re not paying rent or a mortgage but not 95%! Also you’re making a loss on your own home so that amount needs to be factored into the calculations if he gets to include his other costs.

And stop doing all the housework and cooking! How did he manage before you moved in?

Why do you have a joint savings account? You know he can just access that.
fir the love of god protect your finances until things are legally joined in marriage/CP or you have some sort of legal contract

He wants you to pay him for the privilege of being his housekeeper. 😂

OP, this is only going to get worse. He isn't looking for an equal partner, he's looking for a new mummy for his kids and himself, to take care of everyone both practically and financially.

You will sink your best years into this life and walk away with nothing, because all men like this know how to do is take.

Gather up your things and move back into your own place.

Your your rent is consistent with market rates for rent and bills. So that’s where you should be. You should not be paying any more than you would elsewhere unless you have a stake in the property

I missed that bit!!

Seriously OP you must be out of your mind to share a savings account with a man who takes so much from you already and still wants more.

This is not a good man - he’s looking for a nanny with a fanny/nurse with a purse to wait on him hand and foot while he sits in his arse moaning about wanting more.

I'd be absolutely devasted if I learned that my daughters had so little self respect and basic cop on as to be so desperate for any man.

Who saves money in the account of a boyfriend?
Like really?🙄

Honestly I can’t believe the sheer number of threads on here where women are being taken for absolute mugs by useless free loaders and being gaslight into thinking they’re the ones in the wrong.

Every day another thread - it’s absolutely depressing

Yep! This nails it.

Man might not be a cock lodger, but he's a Gold Digger.

What does he do? a 9-5 while you do everything and pay for everything.... he really fell on his feet with you didn't he?

1. He pays his mortgage on his house. Similarly, repairs and improvements should, in the ordinary course of things, be his responsibility
2. Some bills - like council tax, get divided equally.
3. Some bills, like food and electricity, take into account how much he should be responsible for (3/4, for a certain proportion of the month). I'd take a rounding figure on this, but wouldn't expect to be paying for his kids.

Cleaning etc should be split fairly which may or may not be equally, depending on your exact circumstances and preferences.

Why are you making a loss on your rental property? If you were making a profit, I'd suggest that that was added to a general pot for the joint household; has he suggested splitting the loss with you?

Also how had you been with him 3 years last week but only 18 months today?

But his mortgage has gone up £800 and now he wants you to pay more. So what an extra £400?

I would seriously advise you to consider protecting your own finances and assets going forward. You are not married to this man. You are considering buying a house with him - is it going to be as equal partners?

Nope, i can read.. i clocked he is paying his mortagage.. but that shouldn't absolve him from his 50% share of the household bills.

OP is having to cover the shortfall on her own mortgage and pay 95% of their bills.. and he wants more while earning considerably more than she does?

Fuck off. (him, not you, lol)

He is paying off the capital costs of a tangible asset, while you are subsidising his living costs. And washing his pants.

What a gent.

Apologies I haven’t read all the replies.

When me and my now husband moved in together he moved in with me and my son, I had him pay 1/2 council tax and 1/3 of all other utilities, food bill etc. He did roughly 50% of the shared area and our housework, I of course did all my sons laundry, cleaning of his room etc.

We also saved to buy somewhere bigger, I of course saved less as I had higher costs, as we weren’t married we did not have a joint savings account, so if anything were to go wrong no one would lose any of their savings.

The above is both normal and fair, when you both sat down and planned moving in together how did you both come to agree on your current setup?

Isn’t it…… I am quite old and grew up at a time where the expectations and options for women were still very different from men. I walked in countless demonstrations that demanded rights for women, in the hope that my daughters would fare better.

Yes, on paper women have way more rights than way back when…… but men, somehow, seem to have found a way of turning things to their advantage and women are still doing most of childcare and household chores.

And, if MN is anything to go by, many are doing ‘equality’ on a salary that is still way below that of their partner, often unmarried, and risk being left high and dry when the relationship goes belly-up.

And in July last year they’d been together over 2 years - hmmm

I love it when someone feels they're getting hard done by and want a 'reassessment' and then it turns out they're getting a good deal and need to pay more!

I’d be taking everything I put into the joint account out and putting it in my own savings account. I’d then be re-evaluating the relationship.

Does the money you’re getting from the rent pay your own mortgage plus the 95% share of the bills?

Changing details for anonymity from posters who comb through previous posts I expect.

God that bloody annoys me.

So whilst you have had a pay rise
His mortgage became large overnight - possibly due to fixed rate finishing and the interest rate has shot up.

So he is now jealous, as you have more disposable income than him and are living under his roof - abet paying 95% of the bills and 50% of the food bill - which includes feeding his children when they are with him.

You pay your own mortgage on your rental property
He pays for his children expenses

So if you move out and rent a room - you'll be in the same position - finically, as the cost of a rent a room is the same as 95% of his bills

If you move out then his outgoing increase by the 95% of the bills you are paying, add to that the £800 increase in mortgage and he will still have to fork out for his children expense and purchase their food solo

Is that correct?

I bet a rent a room is between £400-500 a month

So his expenses will probably rise by £1300 per month if you move out