To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

Just to clarify, you have completed your training and will qualify as a solicitor?

I will qualify, but I don’t want to work as a solicitor. I hate it. I hate every single aspect of it

You're still so young. I studied law but jacked the LPC in after 6 weeks as I knew the law wasn't for me. I know where you're coming from. You've got your qualifications, get your new career off the ground. 30 isn't a magical age, where you've failed if you don't have your own property. Your life is far from wasted x

What do you want to do with your life?

Fuck it all off and travel?

I can’t afford that. Honestly all I want is a nice, quiet life. I want a husband, two kids (boy, then girl), maybe a dog (golden retriever), a nice house somewhere quiet with a garden. I just want to be happy, healthy and loved. A decent job where we can go on holiday once a year and just enjoy life.

Kindly, you're 26. Your life is not over yet.

You don't have to work as a solicitor if you don't want to. You can change course. What you need to do is figure out what you do want. And then make a plan for how to make it happen.

You have a whole life ahead of you. It will be what you choose to make it.

I’m glad I’m not the only one who hated it. I had these feelings last year after my first set of exam results but didn’t believe in myself enough to actually take the step and leave. At least I’ve done that i guess x

It's a very stale profession. Some people thrive òn it. I found it sucked the life out of me. You're in a good position to use your qualifications for relevant analyst positions.

You have - well done. The world is your oyster x

I did a law degree and decided that law wasn't for me - so didn't do the training - but the law degree opened up all sorts of jobs and job interviews that I'm fairly sure I wouldn't have got a chance at otherwise. I've ended up fairly senior in a regulatory position and have done drafting work as well. It was a roundabout route to get here, via teaching english as a foreign language and other things - but in my 50s I look back on a varied career and it's been fine really.

What I would say is that don't beat yourself up about it, try and focus on what you do enjoy - people interaction or maths or whatever and follow that. The NHS has huge amounts of opportunities.

Also, put money towards your pension now...eventually it may go towards a house instead - but keep going with it.

I just thrive on helping people. My mum always thought I’d be a doctor but I’ve got a weak stomach so that’s out of the question. Honestly all I’ve ever wanted in life was to be a mum. And I think that by being around so many ambitious people who dream of being partners and managing directors and all the rest, I feel a little flat at that. Like it’s not ambitious enough

How about teaching? You've put in all this hard work! Could you make use of legal expertise in the NHS ? You've done so much more than most people at 26. Don't sell yourself short

Interesting you say that. I have a husband and 2 young kids and I always think about how I’ve wasted my 30s being exhausted and stressed from being parent. Grass isn’t always greener.

Honestly, I could have written something similar to this. I spent my 20s working in the legal environment and ended up hating it and moved on. It can be soul destroying. You're so young. Just try something new x

I do just feel like I’ve been destroyed. I’m so tired of it, I’m tired of making money for other people and putting everything into this job where I get very little reward for it. I’m not in a big firm, so I’m on minimum wage and it’s just a pain

Phew! Because that would have been way too much work to throw away on a whim.

Congratulations! You have a professional qualification. You don’t have to use it - but it may well smooth the path to other things. (That’s what I’ve found, anyway.)

You know what? You’re probably mentally exhausted. Get some rest. And know that you won’t always feel this negative about your life. This too will pass.

I totally understand that. But it’s all I’ve ever dreamed of since I was a little girl. It’s just the life I’ve always wanted. I’ve never wanted anything ambitious for myself

I changed career entirely in my mid 30s, went from Engineering to Teaching.

You are young, intelligent and have time.

Why not travel and work somewhere else?

I studied international law but it wasn't for me. I travelled Europe, married in England, have one child and drink coffee, living the big ideas through reading, rather pondering the fail of my ambition. Plough on

Yeah I am exhausted. I think my mood is worse today because I was kept up by thunderstorms all day 😅 but I just feel a bit like I’ve flopped. I was intelligent at school, got the highest marks on both of my degrees, and now this. I’m 26 and not really doing much

I don’t really know what I could do. I just feel like I’m pretty unremarkable

Go in house, it's much easier. If you go into investment banking, funds industry, you could have a nice easy number, good pay, holidays and big pension.

Tech industry and AI regulation will be huge.

If you want to fuck it off and travel then why don't you?
Do it on a budget, pick a backpack up and on your way for a while. Have a breather. It sounds like you're trying to make your family happy. Then come back and settle down.

Really, being a mum and married isnt at all easy. It's not as simple as loving and being loved because other factors intervene. And you are only 26!

I don’t mean to ever make it sound like I think it’s easy - I know it’s not. It’s just that’s what I’ve always been after to be honest. It’s what I’ve wanted since I was a child