To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

Hun, take a chill pill. Go book a trip away and meet people in a hostel or do a group art/cooking class that’s totally new or a team sport. Sounds like you need some balance. That’s all. You’ve worked hard and as they say, work hard - play hard. It fills up your cup so you can do the crappy parts of life. Doesn’t need to be expensive. Give yourself that dopamine. It’ll give you perspective and help you learn about yourself, it’ll increase your network, it’ll take your mind off the not fun stuff going on. Very few of us have it ‘all’. Go do some life sightseeing x

Even mums have to work. I dont know any who don't. That fairytale of finding a man, having 2 kids, and staying at home to raise them doesn't exist any more.

Hey OP. I am also a lawyer, and know how sole destroying it can feel, especially early in your career. I'm glad you will get your qualification as you may change your mind. I'd really encourage you to consider whether in house or even public sector law roles are something for you. I work in house and would rather not practice than work in private practice, they are very very very different jobs. SO you might find you come back to it.

That aside, 26 is still incredibly young. You have your whole life ahead of you, nothing is wasted.

If you think lawyering's bad, wait until you get a load of health care.

You can hate every aspect of it, but ultimately having a solicitors qualification will open doors, and not just as a solicitor.

Your life is barely begun. Don’t wish it away before it has even started.

You’re clearly bright and capable and just because you don’t yet know what it is exactly you want to do don’t give up on (a) the lessons learned whilst doing what you’re doing now (b) your future potential. Treat every experience as a learning point, something that can help you improve yourself and better yourself, and help point you in the right direction even if it’s just through closing doors on something you don’t want to do.

and ultimately, if it all feels a bit too much, you can pack it all in and do something like a nine month Intrepid trip around the world. Remember there is no rule in life that says you have to sit still and stick something out.

I do definitely agree I need to step away from study etc., and I really plan to. I am also aware I need to work, I’ve never said I don’t, I just think that my ultimate dream in life is to be a mum and just be happy. I know to a lot of people that seems unrealistic but to me it doesn’t, not at the moment anyway.

@Didcotdollyi think that’s exactly where I am. I’ve made so many choices that don’t feel like they were really for me, but they were for other people. By the time I came to realise that, I was at a point where I’d spent so much time and money on the choices, I had no other choice.

Thank you, this is oh so helpful. Really makes me feel good about my future.

I met my husband backpacking in Thailand when I was 25!

yep I did a masters degree in chemistry… was a bit meh about it.. never found a job I liked and wanted to have a job where I worked with people and helped people.

Ended up in a house share at 28 with some random physios. Flicked through their textbooks and was like wow! This is what I want. Found a uni that would let me convert. This was 15 years ago. Still a great career op-needs an analytical mind and friendly caring attitude. Would recommend 1000 %

I get just wanting to be a mum and wife, I honestly do. But it's not a life plan, not in this day and age. Partly because you need to be able to support yourself, you never know when a marriage will end. I've seen it hundreds of times on this site, women - married and unmarried - screwed over by divorce and having to start a career from scratch in their 40s just to get by. And partly to be honest because not many men, not the nice ones anyway, are looking for a woman who aspires more than anything to be a homemaker. It's a bit limited. And I know many women do end up as SAHPs but it's rare nowadays for that to be the starting point, most women are working before they have children and go back in some capacity as their children get older.

Have you looked at the third sector? Charities can be a good way to start a career as it's rewarding and the low pay is to be expected at a junior level. It's good for confidence building too.

Lol. A copy of me. I'm nearing the 50s and got what I wanted. You shall too

Also… no learning is ever wasted. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now but in the future it will all look clearer just keep going. It’s ok to pivot until you work out what’s right for you, just keep going.

I’d be quite happy to work a 9-5, secretarial role for the rest of my life to be honest. I don’t want anything big or fancy for myself. I just want to be happy and healthy.

Girl, I’m 4 years older than you and a qualified solicitor. Loads of my friends hate it. I hated being in private practice and only liked it when I moved to the public sector but the pay is shite.

If you hate it, leave. Life is too short. It’s not even like the money is keeping you. I know someone who has left law and is a dog walker and loves it. You’ve mentioned you want a golden retriever, why don’t you look into something like dog walking? Even if it’s just a stepping stone to leaving law and having a job sorted. Will do you good mentally. Being a solicitor is mentally rough. You got this

All I ever wanted between childhood and age 30 or so was to be famous. Didn’t happen. Life turned out just fine anyway.

Don’t be seduced by the idea that your childhood dreams are your only authentic destiny.

Totally understandable that you want to focus on your personal life after so many years grinding away at degrees and qualifications.

But give yourself a break from planning and visualising the future, or trying to find the singular outcome that would make you feel fulfilled. Things always turn out differently IRL.

Truth can be hard. You need to hear from people who won't romanticize it.

Have you worked in health care?

I have. 40 years. It is extremely tough and takes a big physical, mental health, and emotional toll.

I’m going into an admin role, not a clinical role

have a listen to this OP… it’s ok to pivot… this is what really successful people do in their careers.
https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-diary-of-a-ceo-with-steven-bartlett/id1291423644?i=1000720179742

OP you sound a bit trapped and a bit fed up and like you need a break.

Firstly you can acknowledge that it’s great that you have a useful professional qualification under your belt, one you can fall back on if you ever need to support those two kids as a single mum!

But there are people two decades older than you just starting their journey of being parents and settling down with a dog. Not to say you should wait that long, just trying to put it in perspective. You have time, go backpacking for a couple of months, see a bit of the world.

Bear in mind whether you enjoy your job won’t be just about the industry - it’ll be your surroundings, the people, the hours, the commute, the holiday allowance, the daily routine. There are legal jobs and legal jobs. You don’t have to do conveyancing for flats in Acton under neon lights all day if you don’t want to.

You are very young and my advice to you is to make the most of the present.

I was once very much in your position. Long story short, but life can change very quickly, for the better or the worse. I went from thinking I'd never meet someone to being married six months later. It really only takes one person suddenly being in the right place at the right time, or one opportunity for quite literally everything to change.

With near certainty, your life will be much different in five years than it is today.

So please, make the most of today and don't beat yourself up too much about the time behind you and how it was used. There may be a reason for it all you will someday discover, just not now. Life experiences are what they are, don't see it as a waste.

You will absolutely reach your goals at some point (well, other than the guaranteed genders of the children you want), but you don't want to look back and wish you'd enjoyed this phase a little more.

If you love kids, why not explore jobs to teaching?
Also, you speak very negatively of yourself, you can add another goal to your life: working on your self-esteem.
As for hating your job, plenty of people change at some point of their lives. I'm 47 and thinking of changing again. By the way, when I was your age, I worked in the pharma industry, which is very regulated and regulation=boring. Well, guess what? Now, when I have a house and kids, I wouldn't mind going back to a boring, well paid job. Who knows, you might do something related to your studies later on.
I suggest to check Dr Phil's book: Self matters.

Clinical based admin or office admin?

Office based, doable. You don't have the demands of working in the units with patients. You can take a personal call that isn't an emergency. Even unit secretary can be busy and stressful, but more doable than patient care. Something completely away from patient care, that's like typical office work.

Anyway, just to say nothing is wasted and you are brave to acknowledge it's not what you want to do, well done you. You have plenty of time at 26. I didn't even qualify as a lawyer until I was 28 and often thought I'd go off and do something else. Then I had DD1 at 29 and DD2 at 33. Practising law was fairly hellish while they were little but I have found a way to do it in my 40s that I enjoy and it's pretty good now. Still, I'm planning a second hobby/career as a writer at 50 to take me into retirement I hope, if I can get my arse in gear and get my book(s) written.

I do think I’m more than a bit fed up to be honest. I’ve known I hated it for a year and looking back I don’t know why I kept on going. I just want to be out of this job and doing something different. There’s so much downtime at this job because I’m in my notice period now

Couldn't agree more. Left my country without a plan, travelled Europe, somehow met a Brit and live here now. Chill is the gift skill noone talks about

Positivity and being capable to breathe, drink coffee and look at nature in peace is so underrated