To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

You're 26, with 2 degrees and on minimum wage as an almost qualified solicitor? That's utterly ridiculous. I'm angry on your behalf, that makes no sense.
You're young and have plenty of time. Don't waste time on regrets, hold your head high and go out and get what you want.

Look, you’re 26. It took me till I was 30 to even work out what I wanted to do with my life-and another 5 years to get there. Take a deep breath, take some time out and don’t panic. You’ve got at least 40 years (likely more) to figure things out.

You are about to qualify as a solicitor, that's by all metrics remarkable.

Go easy on yourself, stop. Chill. Do something low pressure for a bit, save a little money and then do a little travelling. You've earned a chance to reflect further and break out of the bubble you are in.

@WastedMyPotential ok.
Take a deep breath.
What is the NHS job? Does it involve years of training?
If yes - scrap that and find a job you can start now that doesn't involve years of training. Decent wage and set shifts so you can have a good work/life balance.
If your parents are happy for you to stay home - stay home so you can save money.
Join social groups and hobby groups, join apps for making friends/dating.
On your days off just get out there make friends, meet people. Have fun.
Be honest with your goals when you meet someone (so you don't waste years with a bloke who isn't interested in having children).
Be confident. You can do this.

@InOverMyHead84thats my plan. I think I’d like to just work for a bit, save, and then either head to Europe for some of the f1 summer season, or follow Liverpool around for a little bit.

@Needmorelegono training. Minimum wage again (or slightly above), but a clearer path to progress. It’s admin work

And yes sorry, my parents are happy for me to stay home (they’d rather I did to be honest, instead of renting!)

You are 26 and have quite a useful qualification - nothing wasted there. Although you may not want to practice your qualification may come in handy through other paths - for example if you become involved in the charity sector and build up experience there, a legal qualification teamed with charity experience would make you very attractive to numerous boards.

You have your life ahead of you - nothing wasted and everything to play for

I second the teaching suggestion. If you like helping people, it's an ideal sideways move. I did it, so I didn't feel like I'd wasted a portion of my life getting my masters in law. You can always teach in Further Ed, like I did, if you can't handle the kids! A lot of employers know what law degrees signify, in terms of transferable skills. You will be fine.

It’s life outside of the big cities and firms 😕

Sounds like you need to focus on marrying rich tbh! But obviously work a bit, travel etc in the meantime, you’re still very young. If you’ve qualified as a solicitor why not do legal contractor/paralegal type jobs rather than NHS admin, you don’t need to make a career out of it or love it but surely those jobs will pay more than an admin job which is unlikely to be that fulfilling either?

I just want a break for a bit and to figure out what I actually want to do

Noooo you’ve got to change your thinking.

You should be so proud of yourself and the investment YOU have made in yourself.

You’re so young, and your world is only just beginning. Only you have made that happen.

Good luck in our wonderful NHS.

I was about the same age as you when I thought this. Because I thought at 26 I couldn’t now change my mind, I worked in the same space for another 5 years before quitting and starting all over again. I’m now 37 and look back and laugh at how crackers I was to think I was past it at 26.
I now have a profession in the civil service, it’s still not what I really want to do but tbh, nothing is, so I might as well make the most of the flexibility it offers me to be able to enjoy my life and my family. If you know something else you would love, please make the leap now and do it!
A word of caution; I also wanted nothing more than to be a parent. The reality hit me in the face like a brick. It’s really hard work. I’m not saying don’t do it - I still love that role - but don’t make your whole life about that.

Even if you married and had 2 kids you would have to work eventually. Successful, ambitious men often want a successful woman. Why not go abroad for a year to clear your head and think about what you really want to do employment wise.

@WastedMyPotential that's good.
It means you go to work, do your work and then go home and don't have to think about it until your next shift.
So evenings, weekends, days off - get out there.
Look on meetup.com or local Facebook groups to see what's happening locally.
Just try things out to meet people. Board Game groups are a big thing at the moment - casual, meet people and have a bit of a laugh.

Well just do plan to do that then.

Qualify, save, travel and reassess once you've lived life for you.

What I will offer up by way of advice is that many people hate their job. Life is a constant trade off and you never get everything. With work, you might get good money and conditions but not enjoy the work ir you might like your job but not the hours or benefits. You pick whats important and focus around that.

When buying a house you might get a 2 bed but want a 3 bed or you might want a big garden but can only afford that if you buy and renovate a wreck.

Basically, accept you won't get everything and pick your most important things. You can still be very happy. Imo, happiness comes with realistic expectations and an acceptance of compromise.

You sound burned out. You’re young, extremely clever and your whole life is ahead of you ❤️

I totally get you, I except I’m 10y older and now I have kids and a mortgage to worry about and I feel utterly lost career wise approaching 40 feeling like a fat loser who doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up!

I don't understand why you're moving for another minimum wage job tbh. Why not look for areas outside of being a solicitor that would value your qualifications and pay more?

Any regulated industry springs to my mind, you'd probably be considered valuable in a governance role and the culture would be very different. Where I work a governance professional can earn up to the mid 50ks, before then having management opportunities.

Accidental double post!

Because I don’t think I’m good enough to be there, to be honest. I just don’t trust and believe in myself enough. At least with this NHS job the interviewers were quite open that they’d be looking to promote me up relatively fast, which was a nice vote of confidence

I was in a similar situation, I took some time to work out what I wanted to do, started re-training at 27. I’m senior now, certainly not ‘behind’ those who stayed practising law. I met my now husband when I was also 27 - sometimes when you’re on the right path it all falls into place.

I don’t consider it wasted at all. I still use my legal training in negotiating and influencing, and spending most of my 20s single helped me focus on myself, what I wanted from life and a relationship etc. It’s easy to feel lost, but the cliche is right - life really is a marathon not a sprint.

Don’t be discouraged - without wanting to be patronising, you still are very young with your whole life ahead of you. Good luck!

your 26 ffs! work a min wage job for a year save up and get a working visa an move away somewhere else and work in a bar for a year and travel

go to asia backpacking

theres loads you could do!

Buying a house and settling down doesn't all have to happen now

I'm 36 and still often pack it all in and say fuck it and go travelling (and ive got 2 kids)

I think you need a break from all this work / studying etc just step away

OP, think about having a period of counselling. It will help take you off this feeling of having’ wasted’ your life and help you to widen your focus on your life. I felt similar to you in my mid ‘20s, even though on paper I had a lot going for me, but because I’d made a lot of academic choices that weren’t truly for me, I felt lost. Counselling helped me to find my own path. Good luck OP. One day you’ll look back and realise this was a real turning point for you 🌸

Most people are still figuring it all out in their 20s. You haven't wasted your life, it's just getting started! Get out there and have some fun, try different jobs and see what fits right for you. You have plenty of time.