To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

Would you not fancy being a career paralegal, say, without the long hours and responsibility of being a solicitor? Perhaps in medical law.

Honestly I’d love that. But I don’t know if that’s even possible as a qualified solicitor?

Hmmmm.
Let me tell it from the other side.
At 27, I had a house, husband, 2 boys ( sorry, no girl)😁 and a Golden Retriever.
I just wanted 'bitty' jobs to bring in money, thinking I had everything I'd ever wanted.
BUT, you are obviously intelligent, and although I had no qualifications, I was too.
I was never content. Always planning this and that, anything to keep my mind active, though I didn't comprehend that at the time.
It was only when the boys were older and I could take on challenging roles that I began to feel...well, me .
I bitterly regretted not building a career before having a family, I was in my late 40s before I was making any impact.

You have a brilliant qualification, but you dont have to follow that path. You're young, do what you really want to do - nothing had to be forever.
Use your law degree to travel, volunteering in 3rd world countries, or teaching abroad, or flying kites in China! Honestly, the world is your oyster - live your life, you have this qualification to fall back on.

I'm dead jealous😆

You sound very very low on self esteem. You have imposter syndrome, low self confidence and you don't believe in your own worth. You could really do with some therapy to address that, otherwise you will never be able to make the right decisions for yourself.

I'm sure it is. They're getting a qualified person for less money, what's not to like? @WastedMyPotential Plenty of people want regular hours but not long hours. It's still pretty good money.

Medico Legal work is well paid and interesting.

I wouldn't throw it all away, think about the potential safety net of having a professional qualification in a niche area. You are only 26, you have achieved a lot.

After studying, I also felt burnout so went and worked at Butlins for a year! Yes, dreadfully paid, no ambition or progression on the table, not the highlight of my CV but MY GOODNESS - I had the most fun, met some incredible people and it changed my life direction in a hugely positive way.

Sometimes you have to 'YOLO' and it sounds like you're long overdue having gone through the motions for what other people have seen as your future.

I really hope you're able to find something to do that makes you happy, even if you know it's a short term thing - you're young, smart and the world genuinely is your oyster!

What about some ethics courses and go into medical ethics? But that is clinical and you deal with very stressful cases where there's not really any correct answer at times.

You are clearly very driven and will do well. This is a bump in the road but not the end. Don’t be too focused on the family end game it will all come when it’s ready for you. For now celebrate your achievements and all that hard work. You may have changed your mind but in 10 years time you might change back too. Good luck x

Maybe have a talk to these guys. I have no affiliation and have not dealt with them @WastedMyPotential

https://www.careerlegal.co.uk/sectors/paralegal/

I have had roles through Chadwick Nott, Taylor Root and Michael Page though and I've always found their consultants pleasant.

Of course it is. Contract/ commercial management is another more adminy role without so much responsibility. But you can become a lawyer for a more chilled out company or a public body and that tends to come with reduced pressure/ better working conditions. Private practice law is (IMO) awful in so many ways, but you definitely practice (or use your skills/ education) in roles that are far more pleasant in terms of work life balance.

You will be happy. You'll hopefully meet the man, have the kids and keep healthy. I've taken sakes riles, retail and so on. We aren't lacking, the marriage is stable and we live in a quiet place. It's doable

Buying a house at 30 would be amazing though? Most people are unable to afford a house at this age, even if ever?

Sales roles

Honestly you wouldn’t. Your confidence is knocked a bit as you’ve not yet found your niche. But a very simple job at your age with your academic ability will leave you mind numbingly bored in a matter of weeks if not days.

Fingers xd you find something challenging you enjoy and with a good career structure so you can also be independent and support yourself if you don’t find a partner and want to move out your parents.

I don’t know anyone who bought a house before they were 30 and we are all qualified professionals!!

I think you need to make an effort to try and enjoy just being you a bit and not validated in terms of a partner/child/job/house.

What if you have a child and it’s not all you dreamed of? What if you marry and it doesn’t last forever? What if you buy a house and lose your job and can’t afford the repayments?

I hope you live a happy life, but not many people live the life they envisage in their 20s. Not meeting the right partner, infertility, infidelity, redundancy, illness - so many things can throw you off and it will be hard to overcome if you have pinned all your hopes on a particular lifestyle.

I’m not invalidating your feelings at all because right now you feel lost and unhappy and that you’ve wasted time BUT please believe me 26 is so so so young.

Your 20’s are literally the ideal time in your life to pivot.

I know you feel like you should have it together right now, maybe some of your school mates are married with kids or maybe some are travelling or look like they have the ideal life but I promise we’re all feeling behind and I genuinely think that’s what your 20’s are about.

Write a list of all the things you’ve like to achieve in the next 4 years before you turn 30. It can be small things or big things. Work on yourself and don’t put yourself down. Sounds like you’ve got some self esteem / imposter syndrome going on as well.

I think it’s a massive achievement what you’ve done in your life already and for what it’s worth, it’s great that you realised at 26 that this path isn’t for you than going for it anyway and getting to 50 and really regretting it!

I think I’m just going to work for a while and save my annual leave next year and spend a couple of weeks in Europe. With friends or maybe just by myself.

I think at least part of the issue is the firm I’m at now doesn’t have many people my age. They’re all firmly in their 50s and 60s, so it feels quite suffocating. The other trainees all come from families who have gifted them properties/deposits, so they’re all homeowners. I just feel like I’m lagging behind in every aspect

Legal Recruitment Consultant is another possible job in itself of course. I know of one or two people who qualified as a lawyer then shifted into that.

Exactly this. I have a disabled DD and parenthood has been nothing like I dreamed of. I am struggling this very minute. And she's an adult. Pinning your hopes on being a mum and a wife is just so naive. It may not work out the way you expect.

Agree - buying a house at 30 is a huge achievement. Buying a house at 35, 40, 50, 60 is also a huge achievement. You’re not behind OP

You are also still young enough to get working visas for places like Australia or New Zealand if you wanted to travel and work.

Oh. Your fellow trainees have deposits from their parents. But you can live at home, so that's an advantage too.

Kate, I didn’t mean to upset you in any way. I just meant that I’ve always seen my vision of happiness as being like that - of course I may be totally wrong, but I’d like to think I could achieve some form of happiness in my life, however that may look.

Sounds like you’re being woo is me and focusing on all the negatives and comparisons rather than sitting with yourself and working out what you want out of life. You say you’ve wasted your potential but then in the same breathe put yourself down and sound like you might just stick at it in a 9-5 to go travelling for 2 weeks next year

if you want more, go put yourself out there for it