To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

If I were you I'd have a really good think about where your lack of self-confidence and drive is coming from. It sounds like you are intelligent, hard-working and have a lot of potential - you've actually achieved a lot for 26! Qualifying as a solicitor is HARD.

I wonder if it is your very potential which has you frozen - being told all through childhood that I was a 'clever girl' and could achieve a lot actually made me very frightened and anxious, as I was then plagued with imposter syndrome, terrified of being 'found out' that I really wasn't 'that good' and letting everyone who believed in me down. As a sort of rebellion against this I refused to put any stock in success or achievements, told myself and anyone who would listen that what I did achieve wasn't important and anyone could have done it, and shied away from any form of competitiveness, telling myself that I 'wasn't like that' when actually I was just scared to try to go after things in case I failed and was exposed as not good enough.

There's a lot of talking yourself down and making yourself small in your posts - 'all I want is to be a mum and be happy' - which feels familiar to me.

I also wonder if your childhood/family home was very happy as despite your talents you don't seem to have been built up at all or given any resilience. That also feeds into the yearning for marriage and motherhood - wanting to make an emotionally safe and undemanding home for yourself that perhaps you haven't had as yet.

You may be able to guess what's coming next - get some therapy! Or if not, maybe some life/career coaching - something to help you really clearly identify what drives you, fulfils you and fills you with a sense of confidence and value (and possibly what the barriers, internal and external, are to you feeling that way).

Please just remember, you are a literal baby 😂26 is no age. At that age I was still bumbling around with no idea what to do with my life. At 32 my friend jacked in her well-paying job to become a travelling tour guide. At 35 my friend with a MSC in Biology jacked in her career to become a chef. Both are now happy homeowners who love their jobs. You have barely begun life and yet already have so much under your belt to build a life with. Go easy on yourself and get to know yourself a bit - especially before tying yourself down with a man or a baby!

Sorry, didn't mean you, op

Some posters think being 20 to 30 is too young to have kids..

Also your specific law firm sounds awful. It does not have to be like that!!! There are a lot of different ways to be a lawyer - in house lawyer for a premier league football club?? Helping people - you could get into human rights law or legal aid? And you should be getting relatively well-paid. Lots of other jobs where legal knowledge is useful without actually practising.

Bit puzzled that you thought I was being sarcastic. No sarcasm intended and re-reading I don’t know why you think it was.

I'm sorry but this is terrible advice. The OP's primary desire is to be a mum. When I was 29 I casually did some fertility investigations expecting them all to come back saying I was good to go and they didn't. My egg reserves were basically for shit. The consultants said this was sad for me but actually not particularly uncommon because, despite modern culture shifts, women's bodies haven't actually changed and we are still at our most fertile between 16 and 21.

Good grief, child, I have socks older than you.

You have a brain, and no commitments, and most of your life still to live.

You can work and travel. I get two days off a week.
Last month i went to italy for two days and came back. It was tiring but i felt it was worth it!

I really want to try some of the extreme day trips! Obviously being in the NHS you get the
discounts and I’d love to make the most of them in ways like that

I wish I was 26 again.....