To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

Well, I’m afraid it’s true.

Even if far too many trainees and juniors are on minimum wage, a lot of money flows through the legal professions. A lot of free pastries and wine and networking in glorious buildings, and junketing around Europe, with well dressed, well educated colleagues … And judges listening patiently and responding to you with respect, (even if you’re crying inside because the bank has declined to increase your overdraft any more). And every lay person you meet telling you how clever you must be … And your parents looking at you with light in their eyes … Not saying you won’t find that in the NHS specifically - but life outside the Law is different. And you don’t notice it until you’ve left.

Ask me how I know!

💯 have some therapy and try to reframe your mindset. You're SO young. The world is your oyster. Just because you've got qualifications doesn't mean you have to follow that precise career path. You can work in-house. I work in social housing and the pay is really good. Legal expertise is invaluable in that field and there are a variety of jobs you can do that will pique your interest. You're also working for an organisation designed to help people. Look into it.

It's never too late to start again. Or change your path. I believe if you adjust your mindset, you can achieve anything. You're clearly very smart.

And if you want to fuck it all off and go travelling, do it! Now is the best time before you're settled. I cannot emphasise enough how young you are! I'm in my 40s now and only just gained my confidence and direction in life. I feel like I'm regularly restarting and changing what I want. And that's ok.

I’m 25 years in as a solicitor and have seen lots of people move on to different things at various stages in their careers. They certainly haven’t ruined their life by getting to 26 and qualifying. Start your NHS job, see what that is like, take some time to travel if you don’t like it, try something else etc. Time is very much on your side.

Id like to recommend a book: how to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. Not everything will apply to you, but some of it will.

Could you take a year working abroad now you have qualified? Traveling doesn't have to mean no income.
Not owning a house or having kids yet means freedom and no ties to stay in 1 place. Take some you time and enjoy yourself, after a breather your next step may become clearer

No no I am not upset, bless you. 😀
I am just old and tired and grumpy today.
Your idea of travelling is a good one.
I hope you can find yourself, but I still think you have done very well.

I’m young and tired and grumpy so we can match!🤣

I think I just need some breathing space away from the law as well. It’s definitely not the environment for me and I think I need some time to just find me, without the pressure from work, while also bringing some money in

Put as much distance between yourself and the current situation as possible - move out, go travelling, take a job on a cruise ship or something but get away from it all and it’ll become fairly clear what the problems actually are, as they will be the ones that you take with you.
It sounds like you’ve lived your entire life up to this point to meet the expectations of others without knowing what your expectations are!
I’d recommend having a read of Directional Living by Megan Hellerer, I suspect it’ll resonate.
Good luck, half of life is learning what you don’t want and being able to walk away from it.

Honestly - I think it’s great to qualify as a solicitor at all, but I also think it’s really brave to recognise that it’s not for you at an early stage, rather than climbing the ladder and realising at the age of 40 that you’ve hated it for 15 years.

You’re only 26. You haven’t wasted your life. You’ve only been an adult for 8 years.

For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing to not quit after the first year and see it through to qualification.

I think you probably feel the way you do due to the firm you work for. My DH qualified at a small firm and hated every second. He moved after qualification to a huge firm and the change in him was remarkable. Broad, varied workload, lots of young people, great social
life, clear progression for those who wanted it, lots of different opportunities, working alongside clever, inspiring people.

But then, partnerships aren’t for everyone. Have you considered moving to corporate in-house? Or to a charity? I have a few friends who trained as lawyers and now work in charities where they feel a lot more valuable.

As you can see, my recommendation would be to remain in the law. Not because I think the legal profession is brilliant. But because you have invested so much time and effort thus far. Also because your ultimate dream is to settle down, have kids, and focus on family life. Getting a better paid legal role will help you save for that. You could maybe speak to a legal recruiter to get an idea of some career options?

Overall, just wanted say that you’re only 26. So many 26 year olds don’t have everything figured out. Try not to stress.

26 and your life is over?

What about the other 74 years?

Have you thought about doing something in drama?

You sound like you might be really burnt out, not surprising after studying and working so hard. You've done so well to get to the point where you're qualified! I would advise maybe not making any big life-changing decisions just now and give yourself some time to think. Can you take some time off (either annual leave or can you take a longer sabbatical)? Can you change jobs now you are qualified? Can you find something that is less intense and pays you more? Will you be working fewer hours now you don't have to study? Maybe it isn't the whole career that you hate (you did choose it for a reason in the first place!) but just your current situation.

I haven’t read all of the three but your posts have made me fill up! You’re so young!! You have lots of time. All I ever wanted was to be a mummy and it’s been SOOOOOO hard! I wished I’d studied and worked as hard as you as now in the wrong side of 50 with a low paid job and broke! If you’re only on minimum wage and hate it you can do something different with no pressure to earn more! Or, just go travelling while you can! From another perspective it seems like you have freedom to make some wild choices! Go for it xxx

Of course it’s disappointing to put so much effort and time into something to decide you don’t want to pursue it. However, you are only 26 and it’s far better you come to that realisation now than in your 50’s. Look to the future because you have a whole life to live.

I’m not quite brave enough to do that, but I might start just doing some things for me instead of for what I think others would like me to do. I might book myself some pottery classes, because I’ve always wanted to give it a go. I also have always wanted to go and spend a few days in north Cornwall, or north Devon or something over the autumn/winter, in a really cosy cottage just curled up reading with tons of nice M&S ready meals. So that’ll be on the list too!

(when I say I just like simple things in life, I mean it!)

Work is only 1/3 of the day M-F.
What makes you happy the rest of the time?

Book yourself a trip.
Just you. 10 days of being away from your current existence.

I’m sending hugs, OP 💕

First of all, I really feel for you. I also echo others’ posts on here so far that you’re still very young and have the rest of your life to figure out what you want to do. By posting on here, you are starting to realise and crystallise in your mind what you would like to do in life, which is a really positive and constructive thing to do. Well done for being proactive.

I was in a similar position to you about 7/8 years ago, when I was the same age you are now, and where I felt totally lost and confused about what I wanted to do. I actually posted a thread about it, which I’ve linked to here, in case it helps: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2782931-Help-Desperate-to-give-up-teacher-training.

In terms of next steps, would you find it helpful to find a careers coach and/or a therapist to help work out how you are feeling, potential career options and next steps?

Do you have any money saved up to do other things too - e.g. for travelling, which you mentioned you’d like to do?

greif you are 26 - there is plenty of time to make
life better but it’s up to you

use what you have learnt about yourself and start building your life

i am
trying not to laugh as I know how much you feel this but really don’t worry!

At 26 I was working 3 different jobs to save a deposit to buy a property & I did not live at home with my parents.

Yes I saved & bought property

I never thought that I would not achieve my goal

My top tips are

If anyone offers you an opportunity to move to a different department or location- take it !
Opportunities do not appear frequently

Make the most of meeting people everywhere, you never know who or why you meet someone

You are young & healthy, make the most of this because if you get old these do not last

Be thankful for the small things

Be kind

I've got records and tapes older than you!

Take risks and enjoy yourself 🙂

Pack a backpack and go travelling for a month or so. Come back and then make the decision to change course or at least it'll give you a clear head to make those decisions. Teaching is a good one to do abroad for a while if you just want a change for abit. And then take stock.

It would be worth getting some professional career counselling. A lot of Universities have such a service that can be accessed even after you have graduated. They will help you refocus your thinking and ideas on future career paths. As a trained lawyer you have a lot of valuable knowledge and skills and probably more choices than you realise. Good luck!

My family, I have young nieces and nephews who I adore. I go and do couch to 5k, I live and breathe football and f1 and try to see them live as much as possible (but they’re obviously expensive!)

I’m a solicitor so I get it - it’s not an easy job. What specifically is it that you don’t enjoy? It sounds like you’ve done well academically and have managed to qualify so you’re obviously capable of doing it and have achieved more than a lot of people!

I know that’s not always the issue though - it’s not for everyone but what I will say is that you’re possibly at the worst stage now - you’ve studied a lot, worked hard and not been paid well. I hated my training contract but it honestly does get easier and better the more qualified you are, and of course the salary improves significantly. I think a lot of it is about finding the right firm and the right specialism which I’ve now managed to do. It is still stressful - in fact, I left my last firm because the hours weren’t conducive to family life and there was no flexibility/ support. I took a break but I’m now working for a new firm and it’s completely different - I’m really enjoying it (after considering giving it all up). Yes it still can be stressful at times, but it is manageable - I think any high paid job comes with some form of stress. I don’t work long hours though and it challenges me (in a good way).

Could you give it a try somewhere else? In-house? A different area of law? Could you apply for law related jobs instead?

Don’t lose hope - even if you do decide it’s not for you (and there’s nothing wrong in deciding that), you’ll find something else you will enjoy. For what it’s worth, I brought my first house at 28, got married just before I was 30 and had my DS at 32. A lot can change in a short space of time - there’s no rush!