To feel like I’ve wasted my life

[WastedMyPotential]

I’m 26, live at home and have no chance of buying a house before I’m 30.

I’ve spent the last three years doing a job I’ve hated, because I thought it was right for me. Get to the end, I’m a couple of months away from qualifying as a solicitor, and I realise how much I hate it, so I’m starting over in the NHS soon. (Three days before qualifying)

I’ve got two degrees and a potential masters (if I resit the exams), but what do I have to show for it? I’ve never had a relationship because I’ve focussed on university and exams since I was 18. I’m still on minimum wage, I’ve got nothing really going for me.

I just feel like I’ve completely wasted my life. I’ve qualified as a solicitor when I hate it, I’ve done everything my family expected of me, and I still feel empty and hopeless. I just wonder “what was the point”

In a way, I know how you feel, OP.
At 26 I lived in a house-share, having worked for 3 years in a stressful and very demanding (but at the same time boring) corporate job for very little money. My monthly salary was enough to buy 5 pairs of average shoes. But everybody around me were telling me I've got it so good, because I had a permanent job (unemployment rate was nearly 20%). Nevertheless I was so low, angry and disappointed that I worked so hard for so many years for the kind of existence I had. I was also very, very lonely. Then 2008 crisis came and they froze our wages. It was then I decided I had to change something. After 2 years I left my home country and emigrated.
Today I have a job, but I am much happier with my own home and a family (2 kids).
Wish you all the best xxx.

Thanks for providing your husband's practice example, and his insight. I think he's spot on about the impact of advanced technology.

I have to admit the advancing use of AI in my firm is another reason I’m hating it. It’s reducing everything down to the most surface level interactions. Eventually it’ll just be me taking a meeting and plugging it into a computer, with no other human contact. I don’t thrive in a system like this.

Good for you OP, that’s great.

When you’re wanting to make changes to your life, breaking things down into smaller and achievable steps towards a bigger goal can really help to keep you moving forward while ensuring you still feel safe and in control.

So if packing up and going on a working holiday might be a future goal but something you don’t feel quite ready for yet, that’s absolutely fine, but have a think about what would help you feel ready, then make a list of those things and start planning to achieve them. From what you’ve said about yourself, a lot of this is about confidence and widening horizons, so steps towards that goal might be -

1. Go away for a weekend somewhere totally new by myself
2. Join the local Park Run and speak to at least one new person each time I go
3. Get back in touch with a uni friend and go and visit them in the city where they live for the weekend
4. Go to the next town over, sit in the pub by myself and have a drink, be open to having a chat with someone
5. Sign up to a singles event locally

These are all small things but designed to build confidence, develop your resilience and comfort levels in new situations, widen your social horizons and introduce you to new people and places. As you do these kinds of things more regularly, they become no big deal, and as you become more comfortable with doing things alone, meeting new people and putting yourself in unfamiliar situations and enjoying them, your self confidence and appetite for adventure and challenge will skyrocket and you’ll start seeing yourself doing all sorts of far more exciting things. Building up lots of positive experiences of being outside of your comfort zone helps you to see yourself as someone who can do things rather than someone who can’t - and also someone who makes life happen rather than waiting for life to happen to them.

I look forward to an update from you next year when you’re working on a yacht in the Mediterranean or on a farm in Peru 😊

Yes I think for me I need to break it down. So after my holiday my goal might be to head down to Cornwall or somewhere similar in October/November for a weekend after work on Friday - the hospital is 10 minutes from the train station! I don’t think I’m the type of person who could just jump on a plane tomorrow and head off somewhere 🤣

No, I can understand that. How did you find the actual study of the LPC? I thrived on the law degrees, because I'm more of an analytical person - as are you, clearly. The practical side showed me a world of snobbery and elitism, in applications for training contracts and pupillage.

God I bloody loved my law degree (and my other one!). Sadly I didn’t win the euromillions as I was planning to last night, because I do genuinely think I could just study OU degrees for the rest of my life and be happy. At one point I was going to do some extra a levels just as something to do. I love learning and studying, and debating things.

You are so so young with so many options in front of you. I started my current role at 44, which isn't related to my qualifications. But having qualifications is really useful as it shows that you can stick to something, plus have transferable skills. You will find your path in life, you have so much time. I didn't buy a house or get married to my late 30s. Life is long.

Sounds like academia is your solution! Maybe take a bit of time out, to ponder your personal life and think about pursuing a career as a lecturer - win-win. You could end up applying to do a PhD scheme, where you're employed and funded by a uni, and you deliver some teaching. Look into it. I know the salary isn't great, but you would be doing something you love.

If you look at the academics part of Mumsnet you'll see that academia is currently a hellscape...

There isn't one solution. You have a bunch of related issues which feel bundled together, each of which has a variety of smaller solutions, which might or might not work - you'll find out as you go along. The trick is just to get the ball rolling on some of them, and not get stuck.

His firm (a large well known one) have a working group looking at it. It's a bit scary for junior/wannabe lawyers.

He is actually a corporate lawyer (although spends a lot of time doing managerial stuff now) and had an instance this week where a document that would have required about 6 hours of chargeable work was reduced down to about an hour due to use of AI (the hour was the double checking of the AI work). That has a very significant impact on profitability.

Even in the small firms it’s worrying. Especially for people who want to do the secretary - paralegal as QWE - solicitor route.

I'd say he has a hugely stressful and time consuming job.

Could you go and work for a charity or citizens advice and use your legal skills to help
people?
you’ve done really well. Lots of people do an undergrad then a PhD in something useless like Egyptology (a pyramid scheme, lol) and are looking for their first job around your age so you’re in a. Great position, talk to a recruiter or a careers coach about options available to you. And sign up to a dating app and have some fun!

Pyramid scheme made me chuckle!!

I did look a lot the CAB, but I wasn’t 100% set on it. It’s something I’ll research though!

@WastedMyPotential Will you please come back in a short while and tell us how your new job is going? And whether you're feeling more positive about the future?

I have a sense of how you're feeling, because I also did really well at university but am not in a high-paid or very fulfilling job. I work outside the south east for family reasons, and still struggle a lot with the decisions I've made and the lack of opportunity locally. But we can make meaning and have impact anywhere.

You write really well - succinct and with charm - and have already achieved a lot. Success shouldn't be measured only by money and asset ownership. Your parents should be proud of you, as you should too.

The restlessness is sometimes a very useful signal telling you when you need more - and sometimes it may put you onto a hedonic treadmill where you just keep chasing more stimulation but don't get any happier. So part of life is working out what is right for you, which means making mistakes along the way. To get somewhere, you need to take risks; and sometimes that means no reward. But you can always, always keep moving forward.

I definitely will!

I think when I’m settled as well, I’m going to look at potentially studying something, but just for fun this time.

Glad you're feeling a bit more positive about yourself today OP.

If the idea of taking a big trip or working holiday solo is a step too far, you could look at a group trip with a company like Intrepid. I went to China as a solo traveller with a group and it was brilliant - all the difficult bits were taken care of and I got to see amazing places without the stress of working out how to get there.

Don't go to Peru or Thailand. Stay here, save money and date. You want a family, not wasting your life abroad

Some of these posts are ridiculous. I’m very glad I ‘wasted my life’ abroad by travelling so much in my twenties, before settling down in my thirties.

It’s sad to read that so many posters didn’t enjoy their twenties - I loved the freedom and opportunity to be selfish in my decisions, it felt like I had the whole world at my feet. I certainly wasn’t desperate to buy a house or meet a man, there are so many other enriching life experiences. I have a career in a very competitive field where I spent my twenties earning very little, I know so many people who did the same, I don’t think this is anything unusual. The OP is in a very fortunate position to still live at home, although I don’t think this is doing her any favours in terms of expanding her world view / life experiences.

Not everything is binary - it is possible to have a job you enjoy AND a family.

With an NHS admin job, look at flexileave & your annual leave entitlement to see if you can take ad-hoc days off to do very cheap Ryanair trips - there are ways of travelling without 'doing' the South East Asia party trail at huge expense.

At 26/27 you still qualify for a Eurail youth pass if not Interrail youth pass.

It's a chat thread, not one in which op needs concrete advice. Nows the time to post away

Not everyone wants to travel nor get married in their 20s but some do. They're millions of women who have 3 kids by the time they are 30. So are you jealous of them

Yes the rail passes look brilliant!

I wouldn’t say I’m jealous. I think at the moment I’m very unfulfilled because my life revolves around a job I hate.

Poster prefers being local, doesn't want a city job, nor a foreign travel. Take any job op, date local and get married