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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hobby tainted

488 replies

Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:20

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

OP posts:
Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:22

This is all impossibly weird and odd on pretty much every level

how old are your dc?

TeenToTwenties · 17/08/2025 15:23

If you enjoy it carry on. Nothing wrong with something you pick up and put down.

Though exchanging bought items 'several times' seems unusual.

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:23

I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now,

oh woman up OP. You will literally only be cutting your nose off to spite your face. You think your unpleasant DC and DH will give a flying fig? In fact it will feed in to their jokes!

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:24

Your kids were ribbing you a bit

and by the sounds of it Op… you took like a knife to the heart.

MyAcornWood · 17/08/2025 15:28

I feel like this is all very dramatic. They took the piss a bit about you seemingly swinging wildly between being boisterously enthusiastic about your hobby (ordering loads and exchanging over and over) and shunning it altogether and it’s obviously hit a nerve but all this talk of being shell shocked and saying you’ll give up altogether because they were a bit bolshy is absolutely ridiculous.
I find it strange you say they insisted you can’t blame them.. do you have form for saying you have to give your hobby up because of them, one way or another?

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:31

DC are 16 and 19.

for the “exchange” confusion, imagine it happening at a hobby fair sort of thing, like swapping Pokémon cards! Hope that takes the weirdness off!

It honestly felt like being in the playground again, but being at the mercy of my own family rather than the big kids!

OP posts:
Cadenza12 · 17/08/2025 15:31

I'd be more determined than ever. I've spent a lot of time and money on my hobby and come and go as I please. Keep at it.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:31

MyAcornWood · 17/08/2025 15:28

I feel like this is all very dramatic. They took the piss a bit about you seemingly swinging wildly between being boisterously enthusiastic about your hobby (ordering loads and exchanging over and over) and shunning it altogether and it’s obviously hit a nerve but all this talk of being shell shocked and saying you’ll give up altogether because they were a bit bolshy is absolutely ridiculous.
I find it strange you say they insisted you can’t blame them.. do you have form for saying you have to give your hobby up because of them, one way or another?

This, are you usually quite dramatic and all or nothing?

It sounds like a bit of a wind up/banter.

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:31

And otherwise these are kids you have a loving good healthy relationship with?

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:32

Op they’re teens taking the piss out of their mum’s hobby

I mean… you could have got stuck in and had a joke with them but instead you seem to have had some kind of breakdown and now going to stamp your feet and not do it!

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:33

To have jacked it in multiple times
it does seem a little funny to splurge on new equipment rather than a bit more moderately at first 😆

JustGoClickLikeALightSwitch · 17/08/2025 15:35

It's your hobby, you should pick it up and drop it as you like as long at it's not at the expense of the household food budget.

I think you need to be secure in your enjoyment of the hobby. Who cares if it's unusual? If you like it that's all that counts.

GladioliGreen · 17/08/2025 15:35

I'm the queen of hobbies and I pick up and put down hobbies a lot. My kids and dh take the piss sometimes but its good natured ribbing is all. I keep doing it because I enjoy it. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by quitting, the only person who will suffer for it is you.

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:36

MyAcornWood · 17/08/2025 15:28

I feel like this is all very dramatic. They took the piss a bit about you seemingly swinging wildly between being boisterously enthusiastic about your hobby (ordering loads and exchanging over and over) and shunning it altogether and it’s obviously hit a nerve but all this talk of being shell shocked and saying you’ll give up altogether because they were a bit bolshy is absolutely ridiculous.
I find it strange you say they insisted you can’t blame them.. do you have form for saying you have to give your hobby up because of them, one way or another?

It wasn’t taking the piss - I can handle that - it was firm-faced, we don’t want you to start it up again, “we’re worried” oddness.

The “you can’t blame us” was in response to my tendency to pick it up and put it down, as it were. I’ve never blamed them for putting it down for a while. Their view is firmly, why pick it up again if you’re going to put it down again in a couple of years?

I explained that that was a typical hobby cycle. And you’re right, it does sound dramatic - it felt like it, too, which is why I’m so surprised by the strength of their moaning.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:37

GladioliGreen · 17/08/2025 15:35

I'm the queen of hobbies and I pick up and put down hobbies a lot. My kids and dh take the piss sometimes but its good natured ribbing is all. I keep doing it because I enjoy it. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by quitting, the only person who will suffer for it is you.

Good for you, GladioliGreen! Yes, I can take ribbing, but this was something else. I’m not quite sure what this was.

OP posts:
Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:37

This issue aside op

whats your relationship like with your teens? You seem to think they’re both nasty playground bullies

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:37

So what's 'worried' them?
Do you get obsessive, spend lots of money, withdraw from work/family life?

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:38

The fact that you now think you’ll jack it in, again, really is very telling OP

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:38

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:33

To have jacked it in multiple times
it does seem a little funny to splurge on new equipment rather than a bit more moderately at first 😆

I agree - and I’m being moderate, hence the promise to only get 4 trains, which DH was fine with. Until this morning, apparently.

OP posts:
Shitmonger · 17/08/2025 15:38

Considering your latest posts I think the specific hobby must be relevant. Does it impact them or the house in some way that they’re opposed to? Does the house get cluttered up with the hobby and they find it upsetting? Or does a great deal of money get spent on it?

Otherwise I can’t imagine why they’d care so much.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:39

Why do people on here never say what the 'hobby' is?
How many niche hobbies are there that are that identifiable?

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:39

Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:38

I agree - and I’m being moderate, hence the promise to only get 4 trains, which DH was fine with. Until this morning, apparently.

Show quote history

You haven’t actually restarted the hobby have you? You are getting 4 trains before even starting it up again

although now you’re going to bail again!

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:39

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:38

The fact that you now think you’ll jack it in, again, really is very telling OP

Edited

Yeah, that does look bad. But I haven’t got going yet - I should have made that clearer. I’ve only got so far as browsing train websites, as it were, not buying any trains!

OP posts:
PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:40

Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:38

I agree - and I’m being moderate, hence the promise to only get 4 trains, which DH was fine with. Until this morning, apparently.

Show quote history

How many trains do you need? And how expensive are they?

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:40

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:39

You haven’t actually restarted the hobby have you? You are getting 4 trains before even starting it up again

although now you’re going to bail again!

Show quote history

I don’t want to bail - I want to enjoy it again. The bailing-thinking is because of the vitriol from my family.

OP posts: