Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

Nice one!

😂😂

😂

(Please bring back the laugh emoji Mumsnet)

She rehomes appropriately, back to where they came from or via a group of fish keepers.

I don't know if you've noticed, but with a few exceptions, fish don't tend to form bonds with humans and as long as their husbandry needs are met, a change of ownership is not a welfare issue.

What are you going on about?

ebay and gumtree!

The whole scenario seems very weird to me. Is it the hobby your family don't like?If it isn't teenage joking then your children seem very unkind. Ganging up on you.
Do they mock you at other times?If they do then the problem isn't the hobby,it is their bullying attitude to you.
If normallyyou have a good relationship with you,then they really must have their own reasons for their behaviour. Does your hobby take over your life?Do you bore them by being obsessed by hobby?Everything seems weird to me.

How is that different to finding someone on a fb group?

You would still have the buyer collect/you deliver... you can't put fish in the post (you can, or could, put fish fry in the post, but not grown fish), they can only be shipped by specialist courier and that costs a lot so most people collect themselves, and some folks deliver.

You said She rehomes appropriately, back to where they came from or via a group of fish keepers.

the OP said on eBay and gumtree

and you see this as rehoming appropriately

okey-dokey

No she doesn’t - she rehomes via gumtree or eBay.

I pointed out but poster responded peculiarly

I’ve just seen - people will defend the oddest things on here!

One final time..

Selling fish in order to rehome them is not the same as selling a dog or a cat.

You can do it via groups - however FB does not let you sell animals and giving away free animals is really risky. So people often share images in groups, and use ebay/gumtree/preloved etc to actually sell.

As you cannot post fish, you can either use an expensive courier or deliver/collect, so the person buying is meeting the person selling. You're not sending animals out for free to people you never see, you're not sending them off in a fish bag in a box to linger in some posties van for a weekend.

Better passed on to someone who will look after them than left in a tank to moulder and die as interest wanes, which is what kills off most fish tbh.

It may not be your choice to do this, but it's super common in fishkeeping for people to have a crack at keeping a particular species or biotope set up, and then after a while, move to a different species/set up.

I've sometimes sold fish on, usually when my interest in that particular species or biotope has waned and I've only got a few fish left that won't fit with the next set up (say I have soft water fish and im moving to hard water, or ive got freshwater fish and moving to salt water).

It's perfectly legal, as long as fish are rehomed sensibly its not a welfare issue and there is nothing in using a selling site to suggest the OP is not doing this responsibly.

There are some huge welfare issues within the fish keeping trade - most people keep their fish in the wrong water, believe ridiculous myths like 'fish only grow to the size of the tank they live in', think you can toss fish in a tank after letting the water stand with the filter running for a couple of days -all of which causes fish actual pain and distress. Selling fish on or returning them to the fish store is not the horrific act you seem to think it is.

@Daisythepussycat this is a profoundly unpleasant man, and you are enduring a horrible marriage.