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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hobby tainted

488 replies

Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:20

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:41

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:40

How many trains do you need? And how expensive are they?

Show quote history

Think “£4-8” a train.

OP posts:
OneNeatBlueOrca · 17/08/2025 15:41

At that age tell them to fuck off.

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:42

Shitmonger · 17/08/2025 15:38

Considering your latest posts I think the specific hobby must be relevant. Does it impact them or the house in some way that they’re opposed to? Does the house get cluttered up with the hobby and they find it upsetting? Or does a great deal of money get spent on it?

Otherwise I can’t imagine why they’d care so much.

Edited

It is messy whilst I work on it (think an hour or two) and then tidied away with no sign. You’re right, they don’t like that 2 hour period.

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 17/08/2025 15:44

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:39

Why do people on here never say what the 'hobby' is?
How many niche hobbies are there that are that identifiable?

I bet it’s a dolls house.

Pictures50 · 17/08/2025 15:44

All sounds most unpleasant, unsupportive and quiet nasty.

How EXACTLY does it impact them?
Are you not available to be their driver, cook, skivvy?
Does it cost a fortune and put at risk family finances?

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:44

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:37

This issue aside op

whats your relationship like with your teens? You seem to think they’re both nasty playground bullies

This is why this morning was such a shock - they are the loveliest kids AND they have hobbies! It was the coalescing of the three into this bizarre front that was so upsetting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:45

Pictures50 · 17/08/2025 15:44

All sounds most unpleasant, unsupportive and quiet nasty.

How EXACTLY does it impact them?
Are you not available to be their driver, cook, skivvy?
Does it cost a fortune and put at risk family finances?

No, it’s not an expensive hobby. I’d understand them if it was.

OP posts:
HellonHeels · 17/08/2025 15:45

OneNeatBlueOrca · 17/08/2025 15:41

At that age tell them to fuck off.

I agree with this.

And why does your DH have to approve your purchases?

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:46

This has to actually be one of the very oddest thread I have ever read

The OP’s lack of insight is pretty shocking

I mean… you haven’t actually started it up, again, but you want to make a big purchase, and then when your teens engage in to some ribbing of you starting it up, again!, your response is to jack it in before you’ve even started it again.

I mean Op…. Seriously?!! 😆

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:46

TinselAngel · 17/08/2025 15:44

I bet it’s a dolls house.

Show quote history

Ha ha! It does read like that 🤣
oh God, you all think I have ten dolls’ houses and thirty cats, don’t you

OP posts:
MaggieBsBoat · 17/08/2025 15:47

Live your Sylvanian dreams OP!! (Just a punt and if so, let me join in).

don’t let them grind you down.

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:48

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:46

This has to actually be one of the very oddest thread I have ever read

The OP’s lack of insight is pretty shocking

I mean… you haven’t actually started it up, again, but you want to make a big purchase, and then when your teens engage in to some ribbing of you starting it up, again!, your response is to jack it in before you’ve even started it again.

I mean Op…. Seriously?!! 😆

Not a big purchase at all. And they weren’t ribbing - it was much more contemptuous than that, and all 3 of them became more and more vocal as it snowballed.

OP posts:
QPZM · 17/08/2025 15:51

This is so weird.

I'm getting 'Only hobby in the village' vibes.

"Shell shocked"

"still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front."

Give over for goodness sake.

Just do it or don't.

TinselAngel · 17/08/2025 15:51

Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:46

Ha ha! It does read like that 🤣
oh God, you all think I have ten dolls’ houses and thirty cats, don’t you

Show quote history

I quite fancy a dolls house myself!

Pictures50 · 17/08/2025 15:54

Well I would continue with the hobby and drop the rope with doing things for them.

Sorry OP, the "loveliest" children do not speak like that, neither does a good husband.

I would be telling them too.
Most belittling and unkind.

PamIsAVolleyballChamp · 17/08/2025 15:55

QPZM · 17/08/2025 15:51

This is so weird.

I'm getting 'Only hobby in the village' vibes.

"Shell shocked"

"still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front."

Give over for goodness sake.

Just do it or don't.

This, also 'vitriol'.
Is it actually trains and you take over the whole house with the tracks and other things?

NoThanksNeeded · 17/08/2025 15:56

Urgh just tell us what the hobby is. It's not going to be that niche. Name change if you're really that worried

It would make it a lot easier to actually know what happened. Because if you collect trains then it's never just the trains, there's always the tracks etc that go with it. Then it became trading like Pokemon. Then it's a bit messy...

Is it Warhammer? Model making?

ormiwtbte · 17/08/2025 15:56

Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:46

Ha ha! It does read like that 🤣
oh God, you all think I have ten dolls’ houses and thirty cats, don’t you

Show quote history

You don't like them taking the piss out of your hobby but you can make a comment like that about ten dolls' houses and thirty cats which isn't very nice of you tbh.

I have dolls' houses. It's a great hobby and it is one I leave for a while and come back to and add bits to the various houses. I've been working on one (very large) house for 4 years.

As for your hobby, just ignore them and get on with it. Tell them to fuck off, appropriately expressed because they are your teenage kids.

Iloveacurry · 17/08/2025 15:56

They sound mean. Why don’t you suggest you all give up your hobbies, as seemingly they’re just a waste of time?

Laxoverhols · 17/08/2025 15:57

I don’t know whether to giggle or scratch my head at this Op

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 15:57

QPZM · 17/08/2025 15:51

This is so weird.

I'm getting 'Only hobby in the village' vibes.

"Shell shocked"

"still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front."

Give over for goodness sake.

Just do it or don't.

Yeah, I was hyperbolic to reeling and shell shocked heights at the time, but I am the very essence of cool, calm water now. Thanks for your contribution. I think most posters know what I meant.

OP posts:
ormiwtbte · 17/08/2025 15:58

TinselAngel · 17/08/2025 15:51

I quite fancy a dolls house myself!

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Get one, it's a great hobby. Fun to make furniture yourself if you like that sort of thing or buy things and decorate or make soft furnishings etc.

Sparkletastic · 17/08/2025 15:59

Why don’t you put them and DH in their place? You are a grown woman with a weird hobby that brings you joy. Why do they have any say in it?

Original poster
Nicechianti · 17/08/2025 16:00

ormiwtbte · 17/08/2025 15:56

You don't like them taking the piss out of your hobby but you can make a comment like that about ten dolls' houses and thirty cats which isn't very nice of you tbh.

I have dolls' houses. It's a great hobby and it is one I leave for a while and come back to and add bits to the various houses. I've been working on one (very large) house for 4 years.

As for your hobby, just ignore them and get on with it. Tell them to fuck off, appropriately expressed because they are your teenage kids.

Show quote history

I don’t mind them taking the piss out of my hobby - I can laugh along with that, and I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, so I’d expect some raised eyebrows, as I’m sure you do with yours.
it was their united vitriol that was upsetting.

OP posts:
Owly11 · 17/08/2025 16:01

It would be easier to understand if we knew what the hobby was and why they object to it. It doesn’t seem to be the money and if it only takes a couple of hours why does anyone care? We need more context - what has been said before when you are doing the hobby? Why do you think they all dislike it so much? You need to get them to express their feelings rather than be hostile about it/you. Obviously you should carry on with your hobby but do try to find out what all the hostility is about.