Hobby tainted

[Nicechianti]

I have an on and off hobby that is now on again. My DH and DCs were fairly contemptuous about it this morning. They reminded me of all the times I’d given up said hobby, mocked my tendency to carried away with it when I’m enjoying it, and made me feel really shit about it. An example (I’ll use train sets) was when DC showed indignation that I was planning to buy 4 trains for my train set instead of 1. DH, who knew I was planning to buy 4 trains, remained silent instead of diffusing the situation by explaining, “O, yes, NiceChianti and I had discussed this and I knew she was going to buy 4.” He seemed to enjoy the challenge they were putting up and how it gathered strength.

I felt horrible throughout this. “You can’t blame us,” was their common statement, as I tend to drop in and out of the hobby, but I explained that this was true of many people, and for many hobbies. DH had bought me a train for my birthday last month so I thought he was supportive - it’s all very confusing. I explained that my hobby doesn’t take me away from them - it’s not like I go cycling every Sunday, for example, but they just continued in this attack. DH started listing times he had been asked to fix one of my trains (twice), how I always returned trains to the shop for exchanges (several times), how he was worried it would take over again (I had already promised not to get more than the 4 trains), my DC were joining in, and now my hobby is completely tainted.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently, but I am shell shocked and sad. I don’t want to do anything to do with my hobby now, and I am still reeling from their united, emphatic, contemptuous front.
Keeping and maintaining and building a train set is a good analogy - my hobby is nothing weird or extreme, and plenty of people do it.

Do I stop it (YABU) or carry on (YANBU)?

Totally agree and please OP stop with the hyperbole. Shell shocked? Really?

They are robbing you are you have reacted badly - you didn’t say anything go then and took it far too seriously. Your hobby isn’t tainted.

Oh just tell them all to.fuck off. Not in a nasty way, just matter of fact
.Teens often tend to think they know it all. They need to be shown their place.

I was initially taken aback. And then hurt. Then, when my DH didn’t own up to having had conversations with me about the hobby in front of the DC, I was taken aback a bit more. Then, because it was a unexpected and very unusual 3-against-1, self-pity took over.

You’re correct that I didn’t experience the loss of physical and mental control that are symptomatic of actual shell shock. I was using the term lazily, to express my surprise and, well, shock, using brevity at the expense of accuracy.

I mean… my ExH has form for deciding he has a new hobby, spending a couple of grand on equipment and then three months later never doing it again, so everytime he discovers a new one now our kids are pretty sarcastic.

there’s remnant ms of previous ones still littering the house he can’t bring himself to sell.

I know!!!! It’s so annoying!!
Carry on with your mysterious and outing hobby OP and ignore your family!
Ps but tell us what it is first please!

They weren't ribbing.
That’s why I posted.

Shit shit shit! My cover is blown wide open! Insta is gonna melt down…

I may be off the mark with this one. But are you hurt because you do a lot for the family and the one time you do stuff for yourself, they take the piss?
Let them take the piss and reclaim your hobby.

Yes, I’m trying to think of what takes up two hours and is disruptive or unpleasant enough for two teenagers to be so opposed to it.

It can’t be baking contests as I’d think teenagers would generally be in favour of more food around. 🤔

I would do this. Including the 16 Yr old. I'm sure they've heard it before.
So what if you pick it up and put it down it's not impacting them in any way, unlike cycling which is terrible for family life unless everyone does it together.
My dh has done this with about 3 hobbies. He had a few years when he bought quite a few guitars (he can't play) and then sold them. He has just today bought a new one and all the stuff, amp, leads, strap etc. And wants to learn to play. I have thoughts about it but it's his money he has saved the only way it will affect me is I might have to listen to it. I keep it to myself as should your family.

I actually want a doll’s house now

if your family gang up against you (or any other single family member) for any reason that is not right. I don't care if it was a hobby, taste in music, choice of clothes or any other thing. Its bullying and bad manners and should not be tolerated. Its also not up to them, ANY of them, to comment about the time you spend, what happens in YOUR house and how you spend money that is yours to spend. Big girl pants and big stick OP!

Fishkeeping 😀

Surely your teens have given up a hobby at some point and then gone back to it? It's fairly typical. How odd of them.

I would want to answer the next request for a non-urgent lift to a friend's house or similar with 'sorry, going to be deep in my embarrassing hobby, you'll have to get yourself there'.

DH then left to do his hobby for a couple of hours, and returned saying he could have handled it differently
Interesting. Did anything get said about his hobby?

Your husband is nasty and contemptuous and unfortunately your teens have taken their lead from him.

I think you should ignore them, spend even MORE time on this hobby and take up another one for good measure - which should be one that takes you out of the house in the evenings or weekends.

I think you should also evaluate how much you are doing for the 3 adults in your house and start sharing out the chores / housework / cooking etc a bit more. Because they clearly all think of you as their servant who isn’t entitled to any time off / anything for herself.

Okay cool while only you can know that but the hyperbole and overreaction in my opinion stands. Using the word shell shocked to describe your family giving you stick about your hobby unfortunately leads a reader to believe given your hyperbole that you couldn’t see that it wasn’t that serious.

Ah, see I wondered this!

Fresh or salt? I may or may not have had several thousand litres worth of reef tanks in my house at one point. 😂

do you let the fish die when you lose interest?

Fellow Puff Puff Buff here

So what trains are you after/interested in??

Actual fish in the home? That does sound like something you have to either do or not do. Are they worried because the my get left to look after the fish? Do the fish die when you neglect them? Is it a very expensive/space requiring type of fish you keep?

Oh lovely! 🐟

Why do you stop periodically though? (That sounds like maybe you’re really bad at it and they all kark it 😅 )

Theyre probably just jealous at the fuss the fishies get.

My family neg me about my yarn stash all the time

Sorry but you sound very dramatic OP. It's fairly usual to pick up and put down hobbies (I don't knit or crochet in summer for example as I prefer to do more walking, crafting is more for winter in my book). But are you sure you're not really obsessive about the hobby? Buying four of something if you haven't done it for a while is a bit over the space. Enjoy it, but don't obsess and pace yourself. It sounds to me that your family are used to your "full on" or "full off" approach and perhaps get a bit tired of it when it's full on?

Your family are so weird and so controlling. Is your husband controlling? Is that where your kids have learnt it?

They have very little respect for you.

So they mocked you for blowing hot and cold on your hobby, and on the strength of that, you’ve given it up? It sounds like they had a point.

Do you tend to talk about your hobby when you interested in it - many people won’t share you enthusiasm or interest particularly if you drop it and then pick it up and then drop and so on.
Perhaps it’s time to just go about your hobby as and when you like without running commentary to anyone in ear shot. That why there’s no pressure and no family who are obviously fed up with said hobby chat