To think that the moment your father is used against you, you’re powerless?

[IcyLemonWasp]

It feels like when someone weaponises your father, whether it’s bringing up his status, reputation, mistakes or even absence, you’re immediately backed into a corner. No matter what you say or do, it’s like you’ve already lost. Has anyone else experienced this?

How does anyone at work know anything about your dad? That’s really odd to me. So you forget to submit a report and they say if your dad hadn’t abandoned you aged three that wouldn’t have happened?

If people are using personal, sensitive information to undermine you in the workplace, that sounds like bullying.

Yes, it puts you in a position of power as they are clearly a) thick as two short planks and b) a twat.

did your dad do something embarrassing?

I’ve explained how in the thread a few times now.

Then you just shift the dynamic right back, surely, by pointing out the complete lack of relevance of your father?

This is a very strange thread. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP, with kindness, you've explained nothing. None of what you've said makes sense or is relatable. You keep mentioning your father's status and absence, but haven't explained what that means.

If he was a drug dealer who went to prison, what you're saying might might sense. If he was a bigamist who ran off with your neighbor, what you're saying might make sense.

You're just being obtuse...perhaps intentionally.

I don't agree. My father was an abusive arsehole. I'm not, we are different people. Tbh he has barely anything to do with me, I don't really consider him a real parent.

You're wrong. It shows the moment at which they've lost if that's what they resort to.

Yep, as I’ve said earlier, I already do that. My point was about the use of the tactic itself.

OP make up a fictional dialogue between two people so we can actually understand what you are trying to say to us. It’s a bit vague. Maybe an example would assist us to understand better.

eg
Me: xxxxx
Employer: yyyyyyy
Me: xxxxxx

I’ve already shared the context I’m comfortable sharing. If it doesn’t make sense to you without more personal details that’s fine, but I’m not going to post the full backstory here.

Is this part of bad family dynamics? Is it your mother or sibling attacking you as 'just like your father'? If so, I can see that it's upsetting.

If it's someone outside the family, then I don't see why they'd even mention your father, unless they've discovered that this is a way of upsetting you.

No, your OP says that you are immediately backed into a corner and have already lost, no matter what you say.
That’s simply not true. Respond properly and you have immediately won by showing up what an idiot they are for bringing your father into the matter.

It’s been both - sometimes family, sometimes outside. In either case, it’s the out of nowhere personal nature that makes it jarring.

Right, and that’s exactly what I said earlier in the thread, so we’re agreeing on the response part. My OP was focusing on the tactic itself, not claiming I don’t know how to respond.

My dad went to prison for selling drugs isn't a personal detail.

My dad went to prison for selling drugs, do you know who I am?

You don't have to share identifying details, but as you can see from the responses here, nobody has a clue what you're talking about, so if you want help/advice, you'll have to explain a little better.

Maybe if your father is Zeus.

Most people recongised the tactics - find ways of dealing with it - including if possible not engaging with the dicks if possible though sometime we have to deal with them - and then move on with life.

So most people aren't "powerless" - they deal with the situation as unpleasnat as they find it.

Apparently multple post in you can deal with the tactics you know how to reponds - well good - why are you actaully posting ?- other than to cryptically post about how you don't need advice about how to deal with the situatiion.

Some peopel are dicks - that's life - what more do you need to dicuss?

Why are you framing yourself as powerless - tell the person/people to stop - there no longer powerless.

It doesn't shift the conversation dynamic. Or if anything, the shift is towards the speaker acting very childishly and revealing that they don't have any actual valid points to make. Your view of the dynamic is not an objective one. It's subjective and based on your past experiences. If you want to to change the dynamic you have to change your view of it.

I’m sorry op I still just don’t get the context - if someone brought up my dad in a workplace dispute I would think they were a bit bonkers and ask if they were feeling alright! Is your dad the owner of the company? Is he putin? What’s the relevance?

I get it OP. It's designed to be a deeply personal barb aimed at your weak spot.

My DH said I was just like my sister. I'm not but him saying it was one of the most personal and nasty things he could have said as it really hurt. It's fact that he went there as much as him saying it.

Why are you having so many disputes in both a professional and personal setting were people are throwing in personal barbs? I've never in my life had such a dispute in my workplace. You need a new job and to sort out the personal situation - i.e new friends, distance yourself from family if its them doing this. This behaviour is in no way normal.

No cannot relate at all.

If someone brought up my dad in an argument in some weird attempt to weaponise him or his absence, my first reaction would be to laugh.

Then if anything it would fill me with confidence, because frankly if that's all they've got in their amourary, they must be a little bit shit.

Whatever the context, it was very wrong for anyone to bring up things about your father and how they relate to you.

You said you have applied for another job. Quite honestly I think it would be best for you to have a job further away where nobody knows you, your family or is likely to. Don't confide personal details to colleagues, keep things vague and superficial. Most people manage their jobs without their parents being brought into it, except for innocuous stuff.

How you deal with family is a whole different issue. It wouldn't hurt to tell them to stop doing 'that' because it is blatantly unfair to you but I'd be inclined to limit contact.

Good luck.